bunny05 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Hi everyone, I'm feeling a little down today. My husband has served me the divorce papers and the divorce is now working its way through the legal system. Funny thing, the divorce was one of the few things my husband (soon-to-be ex husband) took the initiative to do. He didn't take the initiative to stop drinking so much, to stop watching porn instead of making love to his wife, to find a job, to stop blaming me for every problem or to stop telling me that I was the one who wasn't doing enough. He didn't take the initiative for any of those things, but he did tell me I was selfish when I told him how his actions made me feel. He told me I'm too emotional when he repeatedly rejects me for sex or any type of intimacy at all (I am young and very healthy. I take care of my body and this problem was definitely not physical unattractiveness on my side). He told me that it's a part of "our relational culture" to make jokes about me from the time we woke up in the morning until the time we went to bed at night. The funny thing is that when I completely ignore him and do not contact him for a while (I moved out two months ago), he wants me back. He tries to contact me "to see how I'm doing." He said he's the kind of person that doesn't see what he has until she's gone. Then when we see each other (either because of necessity or coincidence), he doesn't apologize and continues the same initially apathetic, then accusatory behavior towards me. Luckily now, I will not have to see him for anything anymore as the divorce will be final after 45 days. I'm a bit afraid of him stalking me, and I'm also ashamed to say that I'm 20 years old and am a divorced woman. I feel so foolish that I married young, but he wasn't like that at the beginning. At least I have school, and m very successful in that respect. Thanks guys.
durkadurka Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 You guys were 20, chalk this up as a harsh life experience.
Author bunny05 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 You guys were 20, chalk this up as a harsh life experience. Thanks. That's the approach I'm trying to take. I was much too idealistic.
carhill Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 My sympathies. I would recommend taking some time alone to reflect upon the lessons this marriage taught you and to examine your role in the marriage and what you can take away from it to make your next intimate relationship healthier and more successful for yourself. Since you got married at 18, you apparently have a positive view regarding marriage as an affirmation of an intimate relationship, so IMO that's a positive viewpoint to carry into the future. Your stbxH will necessarily own his substance abuse; your role in that dynamic is something to reflect upon and work through on your own. It's really good information and it comes at a young age. You have many decades of success awaiting. Good luck
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