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sexual assault bf of 6 years battling addiction and 4 weeks pregnant?

truelovesnightmare

By truelovesnightmare
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truelovesnightmare Member

truelovesnightmare

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I'm 18 and completely inlove with my first and only bf. He's had a bad time since the beginning of this year. He told me new years while I was away he got drunk at this party and was walking home and was assaulted. Seems since he's had this huge addiction issue. He can't seem to live life without it. We've not been the same and all it seems like he doesn't want help like he's scared yet I have no clue to handle what is happening to our relationship. So we've been like this together but so distant it's like he's built a wall won't let me in. On top of everything I just found out I'm newly pregnant. We usually don't have sex it's pretty rare but somehow with bc I got this way. I am not even sure I want to even tell him. It's like the state of our relationship. I couldn't imagine how we could handle that now. I just feel our relationship can't go on this way yet he won't go to therapy. It's like whenever I talk about it he's all ypset. Idkhelp? Advice?

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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Call your local Planned Parenthood if you're in the US and schedule an abortion. Don't delay and ruin your life.

 

Then look for an Alateen or Al-Anon chapter in your area. The only person you can fix or change is You. He will have to make his own choices. Perhaps when he hears you're going for help he will take the hint and go to rehab.

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truelovesnightmare Member

truelovesnightmare

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I don't exactly have an addiction issue? I don't get what you mean. I am scheduling one tm I think.

Lucky_One Established Member

Lucky_One

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Alanon and Alateen are programs for families and friends of addicts. They give you a safe place to talk about your feelings, and can help teach you behaviors that are healthier for you and that can help your addict work with his issues.

 

Addicts would go to AA or NA, depending on their addiction.

 

As for an abortion, I can't speak to that. I would encourage you to do that if you were my daughter, or be supportive if you chose to keep it.

 

He is telling you he was sexually assaulted on New Year's? By who?

 

I wish you luck in your decisions, and in your life.

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truelovesnightmare Member

truelovesnightmare

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I didn't know that I thought it was a place for alcoholics around my age. Thanks that would be at least a start some place I could talk about my issues and situation. Thanks.

 

he doesn't know. It was a stranger. He doesn't really talk about it.

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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he doesn't know. It was a stranger. He doesn't really talk about it.

 

I recently watched a DVD of a film starring Clive Owen, I'll Sleep When I'm Dead. It was about a man who was raped and then later killed himself. The coroner explained to his brother that what happens in these situations is that the victim ejaculates. It's a strictly physical response to anal penetration. The victim then thinks he must be gay when he isn't. That might be what your boyfriend is experiencing. Tell him to call a rape counseling center. They might have a special person who deals with male rape.

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truelovesnightmare Member

truelovesnightmare

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I don't think he's worried about that really. Before this neitherof really had anything against being gay. We just weren't born that way. But either way I talked to him about it and got through and maybe aa willwork out. It has nothing to do with the pass maybehe can sortthat out. I'm too early to abort apparently so have to wait til next week.

ja123 Established Member

ja123

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OP, aside from what's happened to him, how do you feel? Do you want the baby? Are you ready for parenthood? Do you have dreams/goals for the future as an individual outside of being in a relationship?

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truelovesnightmare Member

truelovesnightmare

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OP, aside from what's happened to him, how do you feel? Do you want the baby? Are you ready for parenthood? Do you have dreams/goals for the future as an individual outside of being in a relationship?

 

I have goals of becoming a nurse. And am in a good school to pursue my dreams. And no I do not feel ready to have a baby right now.

ja123 Established Member

ja123

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I have goals of becoming a nurse. And am in a good school to pursue my dreams. And no I do not feel ready to have a baby right now.

 

I'm glad to hear that you have goals. Building one's own infrastructure is the best way to bolster oneself from codependent relationships, in addition to reading about it and going to a support group.

 

I think someone on LS already mentioned for you to check out planned parenthood or a similar organisation. Have you done that?

 

How is your personal support system right now? Parents/friends/counsellors? Do you have everybody you need on your side right now at this difficult time?

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truelovesnightmare Member

truelovesnightmare

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today and yesterday I've been cramping andspotting so chances are it's going to probably mc. I did put in an appoint ment with pp. But I don't know ifill need to make a decision. Good that it's next week

things have beeb improving and familydoesntreally know my relationship struggles but they're helpful when needed.

ja123 Established Member

ja123

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So, I take it your family doesn't know that you're pregnant.

 

It's good that you have an appointment with pp, so you'll have someone to talk to.

 

Keep us posted on how things go.

 

Hugs!

Calutaxi484 Established Member

Calutaxi484

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As far as the pregnancy goes, that's up to your own personal standards and morals.

 

What's he addicted to? From the way you've said it, it seems like something pretty hardcore. That's usually all kinds of bad news. Most people take a really long time to recover, or just don't recover at all.

You should probably put as much pavement between you and him as you possibly can. You'll save yourself years of grief and heartache.

 

A lot of people say they want to chance, but it rarely happens.

  • 3 weeks later...
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truelovesnightmare Member

truelovesnightmare

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wild irish rose

 

and I lost the baby. I don't know I feel angry at him for it. No one ever knew I was pregnant. I haven't told him about it but he's been getting better and has gotten sober still has his struggles though. I've been just more depressed and negative. Well thanks guys for the advice.

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Now concentrate on your nursing career. You are in one of the few fields these days that actually has jobs that need to be filled. Good luck!

LurkerXX Established Member

LurkerXX

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You will want to seek help and support. Miscarriages can be hard on the body and emotions, and you are angry at this being a secret. I am sorry that you feel so alone right now; if you cannot go to your family perhaps there is a community support group or counselor. I know that sounds generic and lame, but please don't just keep this to yourself.

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