amandap Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Me and my ex Boyfriend of 10 years split up end of June after a massive row, he dumped me, we had NC for 4 wks, the first time we spoke on the phone he said he wont come back and didnt want to see me,though he still loves me, well he has been phoning me once a week and we chat but not about what happened, the anger on both sides has gone, i told him after a couple of weeks that i now dont want him back, ( i do really ) but didnt want him to feel i was chasing him, so every other call he says he might move away, is this just to get a reaction, moving forward to last friday, he had asked if he could take me to an auction ( my Job ) on saturday, i said i would let him know, well friday morning came so i txted saying i couldnt go and i will speak to him next week, he then txted back saying you know you wanted a new fish for your tank, why dont i come over in 1 hour to take you, anyway i said ok , he turned up dressed smarter than i had seen him in years, i was only with him 1 hour but he was using my pet name and told me he had been in the fish shops twice in the week looking for a nice fish for me, anyway he acted so nice opening the car door for me, then when it came to drop me at home i was just about to get out of the car after saying have a good week and he leaned over and kissed my cheek, i was a bit shocked so just smiled at him, i got out and went to wave him off and he then blew me a kiss, im so confused, i know that after saying to him i dont want him back and with him saying this to me do you think our pride is getting in the way, i dont want to let him know i still want him back incase i get hurt, do you think he is showing any signs that he might be missing me and maybe having second thoughts about our split, you see when we had our massive row we both said thing we didnt mean and we were both very angry, our plit wasnt planned it was in the heat of the moment he said im leaving and i said good dont ever come back and it tooks both of us time to calm down, or am i looking to deeply into anything he says or does, please help
Dark Phoenix Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 keep doing what you are doing, he seems to be moving closer to reconciliation efforts. You shouldn't be the one to bring up the idea, just keep acting like you are now and I suspect he will bring it up eventually.
ChelleBelle Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Oh yes, most definately he wants you back. He is making all the right signs regarding a possible reconciliation. Just carry on as you are. At some point he is going to bring the subject up about how he feels and want to get some feed back from you on how your feel. You obviously love him and regret the words you said during the argument. Lets hope he feels the same way. Good Luck and don't blow it
Author amandap Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) Thank you so much Dark Phoenix and ChelleBelle for your help and advice, it is so hard trying to stay strong, but each time i feel like contacting him i reread your posts, this does help so much, as you know he normally phones me on a saturday but because he came over Friday i wasnt expecting a phone call, so Sunday night i sent him a picture of the fish just saying dont they look good together, he responded by txt saying they look fantastic, he was telling me how to look after them, as it was his job when we were together, i txted back they will be fine and also dont work to hard, then he txted im sorry i didnt ring you yesterday i am struggling for money this week, he always ring me from a pay phone so he can stay on longer, i txted back saying dont worry i will speak to you next saturday, he then went on to say he has been feeling down for the last couple of weeks, and that he again wants to buy me another fish when he gets paid, which is monthly, yet again after saying this he added wether im living here or not, and also the txted let me know when you want to go to any auctions and if im not working i will take you, i kept my txts light and didnt show him that i was needy, but he finished the txt saying if you see any jobs locally let me know as you know i dont like my job, so 1 minute he is saying he wants to buy me something and come over, then he makes me feel he might leave the area and he finishes with look for work locally for me, is he trying to get a reaction from me, it does make me panic when he says this but i dont let him know , he has been saying this since we broke up, but still applying locally for new jobs, you see when we first spoke after our breakup he said he might leave the area and i said please dont move, so is he saying this hoping to make me chase him, anyway i havent and i ended the txt to him with have a good week and speak saturday, i really cant believe how it comes in waves, one minute i feel stronge then i miss him so much and just want to have him with me, but reading your replys helps so much it stops me from making the mistake of showing him im needy, im trying to make him see me as the person he first fell in love with, am i doing ok, i forgot to mention in my first post when he first said he wants to take me to an auction, i tried to put obstacles in his way just to see his reaction, i first said if your working nights you may be to tired and he said no i wont be and i finally said you may have other plans by then and he replied i dont care what plans ive got you come first...... I never thought i could hurt so much, Edited September 14, 2011 by amandap
Besmy Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I agree with the other friend here, he wants you back. Take it slowly but don't push him away eh! Encourage him a little bit. That doesn't mean that you will come across needy, but he needs some encouragement from your side. He needs to be reassured that you want him back. As for those words said, AMEN, forget them, we all make mistakes. It seems that he has forgotten them already. Cheer up!!!!
Author amandap Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 Hi Besmy thanks for your advice, what would the best sort of encouragement, would it be to much to say i miss you , i have another question i have been waiting for a payment to come through this week and my ex said let me know what happens, so i didnt get my payment so txted him those words with a sad face, he txted me back saying im sorry can i ring you, i said of course, He was very concerned when he rang asking me if i would be ok, we then chatted about general things for a while, he started asking how my mums health was as she has a few problems, she is 75, he started giving me advice about what she needs to get checked as my ex works with the elderly, also my sisters just had a baby and he was asking how they were both doing , he then mentioned some of the things i had said to him in our big argument and started laughing, we both were laughing at some of the stupid things that were said in the heat of the moment, it was a nice today as the call was a mixture of him showing concern for me , interest in my family and laughing together about our argument, he even said i thought i would be taking you to auction tomorrow but now you wont be going because you didnt get your payment, the thing is i hadnt asked him to take me tomorrow, but it looks like he was hoping i would ask, he didnt mention moving away this time, .........a month before we split up he said he was going to have a very small tattoo done of the pet name he has for me, but we split up before it was done, last week he said make me laugh ive had a real bad week so i txted him this , Next time i see you i expect to see that tattoo done with my pet name which is Blondie to remind you of me lol, just joking... he replied lol i will have cranky instead to remind me of you lol, he said when i next spoke to him that the txt made him laugh and cheered him up anyway i do have a question and need advice My sister thinks i should arrange to meet him say next week and ask him do we have a future, my fear is it might be to soon should i just keep doing what im doing as we seems to be getting closer, he is now making more effort, and it may be to soon to push it, what do you think i should do
wilsonx Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I am actually going to disagree with everyone here because I do not see it and I dont want to give you false hope. All I see is friendship things, kiss on the cheek! offering to buy a new fish. Sounds like he is trying to soothe his conscience. I will tell you from experience that if an ex wanted you back, he or she will say "I am sorry, I made a mistake, can we try again" If the words I'm sorry, I made a mistake does not come out, you are in for being used as a friends with benefits. Don't believe me, read the 1000s of posts on this forum.
Author amandap Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 (edited) Thanks wilsonx, i can see what you are saying, i will say you may be right but he is making more effort, he also knows that i wouldnt go down the road of friends with benefits, can i give you a little insight,a few weeks back i did tell him how he made me feel sometimes when we were together and he did say why didnt you say something, im so sorry, i dont ask him to take me to auctions etc etc, it seems to be his way of seeing me, but if what your saying is true would it be best for me to just ask where this is going just to clear my mind so i dont sit hoping, or just keep things as they are and see what happens, Edited September 17, 2011 by amandap
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