luv2run Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I am just blowing off steam! I've been dating this guy for a short time and really didn't think it was going to lead anywhere but I thought i would give it a fair shot since I liked him enough. We had a date planned today and I got blown off. I find out he spent last night with a random girl. When I texted him today about our date he didn't reply until tonight with a lame excuse. I'm so mad. Part of me wants to let him know I know what he was up to last night! Would that be crazy? I am not just mad but a little hurt as well. Any advice? I know this girl and she can be very aggressive. But I also want him to know that I now know he's nothing but a player.
Nexus One Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 If he's indeed a player, then you're probably just going to put a smile on his face by sending an angry text that you know what he was up to. He'd probably laugh out loud about it too. Players are very efficient. They gravitate to the easiest p*ssy. That girl put out before you did, so he was with her that night. If he's a player then you were not at all on his mind that night. It's best to move on, just go NC and stay NC. You'll gain nothing by doing otherwise.
Eddie Edirol Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I am just blowing off steam! I've been dating this guy for a short time and really didn't think it was going to lead anywhere but I thought i would give it a fair shot since I liked him enough. Keep in mind, you prolly gave him the vibe that you werent going to take him seriously from the start, and he might have realized not to put any faith in you. And if you didnt think it wasnt going to lead anywhere, and youre doing him such a favor by giving him "a fair shot", why would you be so hurt?
Author luv2run Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 If he's indeed a player, then you're probably just going to put a smile on his face by sending an angry text that you know what he was up to. He'd probably laugh out loud about it too. Players are very efficient. They gravitate to the easiest p*ssy. That girl put out before you did, so he was with her that night. If he's a player then you were not at all on his mind that night. It's best to move on, just go NC and stay NC. You'll gain nothing by doing otherwise. Thanks Nexus One --always love your advice! I hadn't thought about that, unfortunately he would probably laugh. And you're right I didn't put out but he probably knew I was getting close. But really players don't have feelings?! We clicked, had chemistry...how could i not be on his mind?
Nexus One Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 But really players don't have feelings?! They do, they really do have feelings, but some of the players I know or knew got burnt in the past and lost respect for women. So they just want to have sex with women in general and don't care who they hurt, because they've come to think all women are like the ones that hurt them. We clicked, had chemistry...how could i not be on his mind? I can't really answer that question, because I'm not a player myself, so I don't know how they psychologically are able to forget about other women they had chemistry with. I suspect they live in the moment and are lead by their sex drive at that moment. I guess that when they're horny, then sex is all that's on their mind. I don't know how else they would/could do it.
Eddie Edirol Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 But really players don't have feelings?! We clicked, had chemistry...how could i not be on his mind? Because he knew that he never wanted to get attached to you from the beginning, and he just wanted to use you. Really, you cant get feelings for someone you have no respect or admiration for. So the chemistry you felt was just him gaming you. Thats why youre not on his mind right now.
Author luv2run Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 Keep in mind, you prolly gave him the vibe that you werent going to take him seriously from the start, and he might have realized not to put any faith in you. And if you didnt think it wasnt going to lead anywhere, and youre doing him such a favor by giving him "a fair shot", why would you be so hurt? Eddie -you have a habit of taking any comment a woman makes that might at the slighest hint suggest it may be her fault and use that to judge. I think I gave him the vibe that I was seriously attracted to him. I began to realize it might not going anywhere because of his erratic communication with me. I WAS doing him a favor by giving him a fair shot...he's attractive yes, but I am more so. He's getting by and I am a fairly accomplished professional, own my own house and can go on but I won't. I liked him for who I thought he was, a great guy that just needed a good break...I never flaked on him and was always responsive and happy to see him ....so yeah that's why I am hurt.
Author luv2run Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 So the chemistry you felt was just him gaming you. Thats why youre not on his mind right now. Probably I will agree on that.
FitChick Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Be glad you found out sooner rather than later.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I agree with Nexus. If he's a player, he probably would think it was great fun if you got angry... here is the deal though.. if he doesn't know that you know... he will probably come on back after he gets tired of the other woman. Here is one more thing... if you were only seeing him a short time, there are alot of dating sites and even people here who would say that it is ok to 'better deal' someone... ie cancel if a better opportunity came along. After all, you weren't 'exclusive' or even having sex. Now, I certainly don't agree with that. If someone makes plans with me, it would bug me to have them cancel at the last minute too.
insaneinthebrain Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 just be glad hes gone.. .. you dont need that kind of drama in your life.
somedude81 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Do yourself a favor and never contact or see this guy again.
coolheadal Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I am just blowing off steam! I've been dating this guy for a short time and really didn't think it was going to lead anywhere but I thought i would give it a fair shot since I liked him enough. We had a date planned today and I got blown off. I find out he spent last night with a random girl. When I texted him today about our date he didn't reply until tonight with a lame excuse. I'm so mad. Part of me wants to let him know I know what he was up to last night! Would that be crazy? I am not just mad but a little hurt as well. Any advice? I know this girl and she can be very aggressive. But I also want him to know that I now know he's nothing but a player. Drop him! He's has cheated on you and he will now continue to do so no matter what he promises you. Not answering the phone is normal for these type of guys to women and girls do it to guys too. It means your not important enough for them to give you time if they're busy with someone who is more important than you.
motive2002 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I suspect they live in the moment and are lead by their sex drive at that moment. I suspect you are correct
green_tea Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Wow almost the exact same thing just happened to me...and it happened to me right on my freaking birthday - what a guy. It's been about 3 weeks and I've managed to not contact him. Same thoughts going through my head as well - how could I not be on his mind, and does he have no conscience to do this to me on my birthday! But anyway same advice for you as I've been trying to do myself - no contact and move on with your life - don't give him the satisfaction of knowing how hurt you are - it would just give him an ego boost . Mine is slightly complicated since we have a friend in common, but for the moment I've been staying non contact with the mutual friend as well.
Pasttense Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 It's OK for people to do date multiple people--unless they have an agreement to be exclusive. The OP did not mention such an exclusivity agreement. If there was no agreement, there was no cheating. The definition of a player involves lying. Again the OP failed to state any specific lies the individual told.
phineas Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 It's OK for people to do date multiple people--unless they have an agreement to be exclusive. The OP did not mention such an exclusivity agreement. If there was no agreement, there was no cheating. The definition of a player involves lying. Again the OP failed to state any specific lies the individual told. Pretty much this. Unless the woman he slept with crushed his pelvis I don't see how it would affect his going on a date with op. A player would be all set to add another notch to the bedpost. He just took the cowards way out with his lame excuse to cancel on op. Lots of people give lame excuses when their just not that into someone.
Eddie Edirol Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 (edited) Eddie -you have a habit of taking any comment a woman makes that might at the slighest hint suggest it may be her fault and use that to judge. . I dont think so, I see it like it is. Women like you try to avoid taking the blame for their situations, and i can only guess what is going on on a case by case basis. When I see someone might be part of the blame, man or woman, I call them on it. Since you are a woman, you are assuming I only blame the women just because you want to be completely innocent in this situation? or maybe you just wanted people to join you in a player hating rally because you think youre "better" than him? Your ego is bruised because you gave a broke guy a "fair shot" when youre the wealthy professional and that didnt mean anything to him? I know youre mad that he pulled on over on you, but thats what he does, might be all he does, so the only one to blame is you for not seeing it coming. Edited September 12, 2011 by Eddie Edirol
dasein Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Agree with pastense and phineas. Guy was a little rude for cancelling a date at the last minute, that's it. No "player" here without more facts. People have a right to terminate an early dating relationship and most do it discourteously today unfortunately. No big wrong or harm here. OP, he did you a favor instead of trying to string you along and use you, he just cut things. Best wishes finding a man who is more interested.
LoveandSuch Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 A player gag loser is just that, a coward who thinks with his little wanker (heard that womanizers, players are all smoke and mirrors and most times VERY disappointing in the sack ha ha). No loss to you! Do not let the snake near you, if he does contact or you must get a last word in just text: Whew! Glad this happened, did not know how to indicate without feeling uncomfortable that I feel u are not in my league, and I was not feeling it......(next is the best way to cut a player where it hurts, they are VERY competitive with fellow players to a fault), text him it was a bad idea anyways, because you will not name names, but u just found out he is friendly with a guy you have been wishing to get to know better...he is oh so your type...HOT! Say goodbye and good luck! Say u wish to leave on amicable terms if u happen to cross paths, but to not contact u again. Never let a loser player get the last word in. I am currently involved with one of the most beautiful sweet men to ever grace this earth...lol and he gets all the women he wants without being a player, womanizer, and he has taught me so much about men, and actually was IMing me one time when I was dealing with such a player and was messaging me what to text...It was a ball....so funny! But do not do much more than this....I actually emailed the player to apologize ONLY because we would eventually cross paths, but this upset my friend, and he made me promise to ignore him, less because of silly jealousy but more out of concern and care for (ME). I say me as in look out for you. I do feel bad for some of my comments but my guy said it was absolutely necessary to work against these characters. I met my guy by chance, he saw me as a FB friend of someone he knows. He operates big businesses and deals with these type of men all the time. I understand it is difficult, the guy I mentioned, I thought was my friend, but found out the hard way, during 3 days of texting I could sense he was texting many negs, innuendos, just plain weird stuff. A womanizer/player does not make a good friend either. But the positive equation is my friend told me 99/100 times womanizer are extremely selfish/disappointing in the sack. I love him saying that because everytime I cross this particular player all I think about is ewww a lousy lover and for some odd reason envision him as a lousy kisser, like a slober, maybe intuition!..But was extremely disappointed awhile back watching him in a very friendly conversation as if they are friends, with a guy that is sooooo my type, oh well. Lol.
grkBoy Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I am just blowing off steam! I've been dating this guy for a short time and really didn't think it was going to lead anywhere but I thought i would give it a fair shot since I liked him enough. We had a date planned today and I got blown off. I find out he spent last night with a random girl. When I texted him today about our date he didn't reply until tonight with a lame excuse. I'm so mad. Part of me wants to let him know I know what he was up to last night! Would that be crazy? I am not just mad but a little hurt as well. Any advice? I know this girl and she can be very aggressive. But I also want him to know that I now know he's nothing but a player. First off, don't beat yourself up too much. I never fault women for taking a chance on someone who might be a playa or bad boy. I only fault them when they take the rejection or games, and then work harder to try to "win him over". When they see he's a playa and won't commit, but they want to work harder then to try to change his mind. I honestly think you should do the very thing I tell guys to do when a girl blows them off...move on. Don't confront him, or look for closure. Just accept he played you and close the book on him. You "confronting" him is only going to make him then turn up the charm to try to play you some more. He'll play stupid, beg forgiveness, win you back, then do it again when he sees a BBD. The ONLY time you should confront him is when he's coming back. So if he called you today asking if you want to go out, then hit him with the hard truth and say goodbye. That's what I tell guys to do when a "flake" suddenly comes back and wants to see him.
Richard Friedman Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I know a couple of "players." I'd disagree that they're *******s. To their male friends they can be very generous and go out of their way to help(not all though of course). Some even have what you'd call a good sumeritan streak. It's just for whatever reason thy don't empathize with women. They see good looking girls as collectibles and wet holes for their pleasure. It's also not true that most have been burned. The ones I know have always done well with women. I'd say that what makes them so good is confidence from success after success that has snowballed since a young age.
Eddie Edirol Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I know a couple of "players." I'd disagree that they're *******s. To their male friends they can be very generous and go out of their way to help(not all though of course). Some even have what you'd call a good sumeritan streak. It's just for whatever reason thy don't empathize with women. They see good looking girls as collectibles and wet holes for their pleasure. It's also not true that most have been burned. The ones I know have always done well with women. I'd say that what makes them so good is confidence from success after success that has snowballed since a young age. I know one player in particular, and hes pretty sad. He has conditioned himself to not be satisfied with one woman, so hes in search forever for a unicorn, while leaving a scorched trail of hearts behind. he cant like it. But I dont think the OP's guy is a player. he just wasnt that interested, but she ignored the red flags - despite what she was already told here in her last thread about him to bail on the guy, so it aint this guys fault she forged ahead with him!
Eddie Edirol Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 As it stands we haven't hung out in a while & I told him 1 day "hey u can just tell me if u never want to see each other again no big deal" & he gies "no no it's just that it's not Good timing right now." and I know he's "not really" looking for relationship right now so maybe he doesnt want to write menoff because he thinks he may want more in future? Anytime someone doesnt want to see you and the claim "not good timing" its because its not good timing for you, but its plenty of time for the new person theyre seeing.
Author luv2run Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Thanks for all the responses! I think I will take all the advice, not confront, no contact and move on. Green Tea/Loveand Such...thanks for sharing your stories. Eddie -yes reflecting you are right. I should have seen the flags...he was not that interested. Your comments though harsh are appreciated. I think most of us need that to make us at least pause and think (btw, my last post was not abt him....I'm just a magnet for these types of guys lately!) So for now I am done with him...although tbh...I worry about this if he contacts me again (he is so damn charming): I only fault them when they take the rejection or games, and then work harder to try to "win him over". When they see he's a playa and won't commit, but they want to work harder then to try to change his mind. Ugh. We weren't exclusive, had sex or anything so maybe he didn't really "do" anything wrong. The lame excuse came with a big apology. I think I am confused. Hopefully by the time he contacts me ...if --I will be over this.
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