stillhurt Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Well, as I posted a few days ago, I broke nc w/ my ex of 7 months. We had a messy breakup and I know he wanted out of the relationship. Anyway, after ignoring his text he sent me another and being the stupid nice person I am, I replied with everything is fine. No worries. He texted to see if I was happy with my new guy and he would like to chat. I fall for it and call him. You guys are all going to bash me! Anyway, we have a long conversation again about our past. Starts out sad, but I repeatedly told him I was doing great and he said he still checks my FB acct and mentioned all these pix and what not. I was really surprised since he has a new gf and it seems like they are having a blast. He said he is in a good place and that he's moved on but doesn't know if he will ever be happy. He admitted that he doesnt see him and the new girl lasting. I told him its lasted longer than he ever thought. He agreed. Says that he still misses me and he doesn't know why. I think I said that I was dating a lot and just making sure I was ready before jumping into anything serious. That i was just having fun and finding myself. Making myself happy. Which is the truth. He said that he's really happy that I am so strong and he knows he wasn't a gentleman about many things with me in the end. We both agreed that we started out strong, but he said that it was almost all gone by the time we broke up. This made me very sad. Anyway, he asked me to go out for drinks to catch up and I said no. Said that it would be nice to see me after all this time. Not soon after things got a little flirty and I said this is why we can't meet up. He pushed a little for us to meet up, but i am not going for it! So, we ended the convo because I didn't want to do anything bad towards his gf. I actually said i dont care what happens between u and your new girl. U can break up or get married. But i am not hanging out with my ex who is in a relationship when theres still so many confusing feelings left over on my end. I know better! He got the point. But, we ended the convo on a good note. He sends me 1 more text saying that it makes him happy to hear me laugh and well. The thing is that I want to believe that I loved a good man and he means what he says, but our past has proven that he can be selfish and that we might not be the best match. But, I also have to confess that this was my first relationship so I was scared to be me 100%. He has repeatedly mentioned that he really likes this more open me on the phone. But, Is he throwing me crumbs here to keep me holding on just in case it doesn't work out between him and the new girl? I think so. Or does he still care about me on some level? What do you guys think? The thing is I think I made some big strides in the last 2 weeks. I know that we had our issues and it wasn't just him. I accepted the fact that he's never coming back. That he is with some new girl. All of it. Cried a bunch and worked out like crazy. But, I know that time will heal everything no matter what happens. But, let me hear it guys. I know it's a long post.
M2155 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 IMO I think you sounded strong and confident if this was your response. That's good to give him distance when he was trying to see you. (Guys prefer a challenge anyway right? It's sketchy for me since my ex started seeing someone while he was still with me. So if he ever did contact me like that I would be skeptical if he is trying to "set up the next thing" before properly ending the relationship. His new relationship probably isn't all he thought it was cracked up to be, I would believe that. I can't say if he's genuine or just trying to see if you're still hanging on, but if you just keep moving on like you're doing he'll get the message and make some serious decisions. (But don't take him back! (If you ever do, would need some major proving things are different first))
mike588 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 (edited) Keep making those strides in your life, yes you need time to heal and reflect on the situation.As far as him having a blast with his new g/f,,, hummmm I'm not so sure. Why did he tell you that, to make you jealous?? Sounds like he may want to keep you as a backup,,, being nice to you and all that. I think he wants you back. You need to take care of yourself, do what makes you happy and move on.Think with your head not your heart. I know its tough. keep us posted. Yes he still cares for/about you. Edited September 12, 2011 by mike588
Author stillhurt Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 Well, I did say that if he weren't with someone I would probably meet up just to catch up, but since that's not the case we cant. And, I am also scared that we would just end up in bed together. Everyone can say that they can control themselves, but when emotions are running high, there is no guarantee so I am just protecting myself. He actually said that if that did happen he would break up with his current girl. Blah blah. Whatever. Don't drag me into that drama. I want him to be clear of what he wants and no matter what, sngle! Right now he is still confused and can't give me any promises. Said that only after awhile will we know. He is right of course. Love is taking a chance each time and if he did promise me forever i would know its crap because of where we are now. It's a lot of residual feelings still. He struggled for a long time before breaking up with me so he might never want to try since he feels like it's hopeless. And i got hurt bad cause of the emotional withdrawal crap. So, I am sticking to my guns. Back to nc. Like you said, only if there was some major change. But, I just don't see it happening. Makes me sad, but I am happy I realize it. Sigh. I just have to remember he said that he's moved on and ok with us not being together. He's just saying all the other stuff cause his new girl is not 110% and he wants to see if I am still pining for him. Ego trip!
Author stillhurt Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 If he still cares, why can't he just give in and compromise? Does that just prove he loves himself the most?
M2155 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 No compromises, you've did enough of that with little return. Make him sweat it out, he will if he really wants you. As Beyonce says "since I'm not your everything, how about I be nothing at all to you"
Author stillhurt Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 M2155 I would love for him to sweat it out. LOL. But, I meant that he has to make compromises, not me. (Well, some from me too) Honestly, I don't want to put any hope in it. It will just make me sad. I can only continue to work on myself. The rate he is going, I don't think he will ever think that he and I will work out. Because, he thinks that we were lacking in the communication dept and that it just seemed to take too much effort. Plus, his feelings for me really changed by the end of our relationship. That is always the hardest to recapture. He's not going to feel that it's worth it, and I don't want to be with someone that doesn't think I am worth the effort. I know I deserve better. I am so sad though, because the whole reconnection just made me wish again.
M2155 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 That's kinda what I meant. He's giving you crumbs and you're not folding (but he's used to you giving in). Now that you aren't maybe he'll try harder. Keep making it hard for him and see how much he is really willing to work/compromise to be with you. Assuming you want to be with him and if he doesn't, you know. But I agree that's tough without getting your hopes up. But he contacted you once and you held your ground, I bet that caught him off guard and somewhere deep down he probably respects you for that.
Author stillhurt Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Guys, he just sent one last text (or at least it feels like a goodbye for good text to me) He said that hearing me laugh and knowing I'm well makes him happy. Is that goodbye forever? Is this the closure for us? I didn't want to hope, but I guess I still did. How do you guys interpret that? Or is he just screwing with my head again?
geegirl Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) Guys, he just sent one last text (or at least it feels like a goodbye for good text to me) He said that hearing me laugh and knowing I'm well makes him happy. Is that goodbye forever? Is this the closure for us? I didn't want to hope, but I guess I still did. How do you guys interpret that? Or is he just screwing with my head again? If anything, it's him throwing out a text that is giving you an absolute mind f***. A text enough to keep things up in the air just to keep you engaged, for all the wrong and selfish reasons. After all he knows how much you want him. Why not dangle some nice words to make you do exactly what you are doing now. Your closure is that he has found a new girlfriend, he's moved on and in a good place. When you don't like hearing what you don't like hearing, LISTEN. He adds that he is not sure if he will ever be happy because while he is telling you he has moved on, he wants to leave you a crumb so that you're left at his disposal. Take his words lightly. He is happy that you are happy and leave it at that. He is not showing you in ACTION what you mean to him. Words are cheap. Infact they are free. Stop placing so much emphasis on meaningless text messages. You're a big ego boost for him. What's even worse is that he is being a total douchebag enticing you while he is entertaining his new girlfriend. Why would you even want that in your life? Most likely at some point, he would probably do it to you. Edited September 13, 2011 by geegirl
Author stillhurt Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) Thank you geegirl. That's what I have to keep reminding myself of. That he said he has moved on. I know he has a gf and like you said, there has to be action. That has always been the problem between us. The sweet words often don't match the actions. I told him that he is a being selfish and messed up for acting the way he is. Told him that he is not being fair to any of us. He didn't say anything. Go figure. I think he is just testing me to see if I would actually do it. It just might be him bluffing cause he knows I would never give in while he's with someone. Edited September 13, 2011 by stillhurt
geegirl Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Thank you geegirl. That's what I have to keep reminding myself of. That he said he has moved on. I know he has a gf and like you said, there has to be action. That has always been the problem between us. The sweet words often don't match the actions. Stillhurt, I know this is hard because you want it so badly. But at some point you have to bite the bullet and accept the realities of who he is and what the situation is all about. You acknowledge that the sweet words often don't match the actions. Words are easy. They require no effort and when it requires no effort, it speaks of the lack of investment. That speaks a lot about your R with him. You see if for what it is. Words. Even now. It may take time for you to completely accept it but at least, try to start cutting contact with him and begin your healing. Delaying the inevitable only keeps you hurting longer and deeper.
Author stillhurt Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 I know. I threw all my hard work down the toilet. Went 3 months without any of it and I just don't know what happened. It's been 7 months since we broke up and I stopped contacting him 3 months ago. But, now I have to start again. But, I have to admit that some good did come out of this contact again. I now know that he has moved on, that whatever he says now is just feeding me lines. If anyone can jump into a relationship so soon after a breakup, and then get over someone that quickly, the feelings were never that strong to begin with. He has been dressing it up and when we are talking it's all good and sincere, but after we hang up I always end up scratching me head. That's how I feel...lol. Do you guys know that feeling too? The feeling of denial and hope keep swinging back and forth for me. Hopefully, the hope dies soon.
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