MIK1000 Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 She broke up with me while over working at an American kids summer camp after we had an argument on facebook because I hadn't been hearing from her much then after saying she wouldn't see anyone else til she was back, started going out with another guy from her camp only a couple of weeks later, insisting nothing happened while they we were going out. She even updated her relationship status, humiliating me and embarrassing herself to our hundreds of mutual friends. That was a few weeks ago but she's back on tuesday and will no doubt want to meet up and talk about what's happened, to make herself feel like less of a bitch probably. What do I say to her? Do I let her know how much she's torn my life a part and put me through to make her feel guilt? Or do I act strong and as if I've moved on and am not bitter? She lives round the corner from me and goes to the same clubs ect, not only that, I've just started working in the local pub which she and her friends go to so I will bump into her eventually. This new guy she's with is from england, so they're attempt at a long distance relationship will be short lived I believe. Advice?
Dark Phoenix Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Ignore her attempts at contacting you for that suspected meeting, which may not happen. If you happen to "bump into her" at a club or while you are working just act professional. Be civil but don't indulge into personal conversation with her, if she takes a conversation into that direction just walk away. Actions speak louder than words.
Author MIK1000 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 Ignore her attempts at contacting you for that suspected meeting, which may not happen. If you happen to "bump into her" at a club or while you are working just act professional. Be civil but don't indulge into personal conversation with her, if she takes a conversation into that direction just walk away. Actions speak louder than words. So don't meet up to talk about what's happened? We were going out for a year and a half, had the most serious intense relationship people of our age could have i think (19 and 20 yrs) and were a huge part of each others lives. She's ****ed me over but it still feels so unnatural that we've never actually sat down and talked about it because she's been away. Maybe that's for the best though.
2011aug Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Be cool. Leave her alone. Be civil if you both meet. She has checked out of the relationship. Even if you could go back together, she wont respect you for being the backup guy.
Dark Phoenix Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 So don't meet up to talk about what's happened? We were going out for a year and a half, had the most serious intense relationship people of our age could have i think (19 and 20 yrs) and were a huge part of each others lives. She's ****ed me over but it still feels so unnatural that we've never actually sat down and talked about it because she's been away. Maybe that's for the best though. My ex was 19, me 20 when she broke up with me. I went for that "talk" and left without any more knowledge of what happened than prior to that talk. We dated for 3.5 years and were a huge part of each others lives, yet I still got nothing about what had happened from her. I know it doesn't feel right but trust me when I say it is definitely for the best that you just ignore her attempts at contacting you, and be civil when you run into her.
Author MIK1000 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 Be cool. Leave her alone. Be civil if you both meet. She has checked out of the relationship. Even if you could go back together, she wont respect you for being the backup guy. The thing that has made it difficult to handle is the fact that it seems like she has lost the plot from being in this camp environment in a different part of the world, has seemingly got caught up in it all and forgotten what really matters to her. Confirmation that she's lost the plot was the fact that she updated her relationship status so soon, such an public display of insensitivity would be something she'd have cringed at another person doing and complained about. It's like it's a totally different person. I've also been blaming myself at times for initiating arguments because she wasn't in contact much which resulted in the break up. But if she loved me then these arguments would haven't amounted to a break up (similar sorts of arguments when she was at home we would have made up a few hours later.)
Author MIK1000 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 My ex was 19, me 20 when she broke up with me. I went for that "talk" and left without any more knowledge of what happened than prior to that talk. We dated for 3.5 years and were a huge part of each others lives, yet I still got nothing about what had happened from her. I know it doesn't feel right but trust me when I say it is definitely for the best that you just ignore her attempts at contacting you, and be civil when you run into her. It's the fact that the last time we saw each other, we were crying in each others arms because she was leaving to go away, now all this is happened and we'll never ever properly speak about it. Do you not think I need to get it off my chest? I suppose it might cause me an unbelievable amount of grief to watch her reiterate her feelings of rejection in person.
Dark Phoenix Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 It's the fact that the last time we saw each other, we were crying in each others arms because she was leaving to go away, now all this is happened and we'll never ever properly speak about it. Do you not think I need to get it off my chest? I suppose it might cause me an unbelievable amount of grief to watch her reiterate her feelings of rejection in person. If you feel you truly need that talk then go for it, my experience is only one example of it not turning out good and shouldn't be classified into all post breakup situations. I regret going for that talk because all it did was make me feel worse after. But the only person who knows what's best for you is you.
Author MIK1000 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 If you feel you truly need that talk then go for it, my experience is only one example of it not turning out good and shouldn't be classified into all post breakup situations. I regret going for that talk because all it did was make me feel worse after. But the only person who knows what's best for you is you. I am worried it will make me feel worse. One thing I am considering is if she contacts me, tell her i need some more time and will contact her when I'm ready to talk. Then wait a few weeks until she's settled back to home life. That way when I do talk to her It won't feel like it's some robot still programmed to Camp America mode. I am however seriously considering just avoiding the meeting and being civil if I meet her. Very messed up situation because the last time I saw her she was the most pure, harmless and caring person in the world and now it seems like she's the anti christ.
Dark Phoenix Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I would suggest you start off with the mindset of ignoring all of her attempts at contact, but being civil if you ever bump into her during your day. Backup plan: If you do happen to pick up that call and she wants to meet, tell her you need more time and that you will contact her when you are ready. this will give you some of the power because you will have the decision of when and if you make contact with her. (but ignoring her is still the best approach, this is just a plan in case you slip up) Very messed up situation because the last time I saw her she was the most pure, harmless and caring person in the world and now it seems like she's the anti christ. you and me both buddy.
Author MIK1000 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 I would suggest you start off with the mindset of ignoring all of her attempts at contact, but being civil if you ever bump into her during your day. Backup plan: If you do happen to pick up that call and she wants to meet, tell her you need more time and that you will contact her when you are ready. this will give you some of the power because you will have the decision of when and if you make contact with her. (but ignoring her is still the best approach, this is just a plan in case you slip up) Thanks, that was kind of my thinking, I mean the last thing I want is to meet up straight away as soon as she wants to, then break down in front of her and feel pathetic. But do you think if I do eventually meet up with her I express how much pain I've been through and try and make her feel more guilt?
Dark Phoenix Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 If you do break down and explain to her how much pain she has put you through it will just give her an ego boost. Acting civil and appearing as if you have moved on is the best path to take.
Author MIK1000 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 If you do break down and explain to her how much pain she has put you through it will just give her an ego boost. Acting civil and appearing as if you have moved on is the best path to take. This is what I thought. It will be bizarre because I've never hidden emotions from her before, there's never been any need to. I reckon in a month or so I will be ready to do it though.
Author MIK1000 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 bumping this thread if no one minds
Author MIK1000 Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 She arrives home tonight. It's going to be a very strange feeling knowing that she's only going to be a 30 second walk round the corner (litterally) from me as opposed to on the otherside of the world as she has been for the last few months. I've decided I think I'm not going to meet up with her if she asks to. I think it will just upset me and I don't want to get emotional in front of her. If she messages me asking if I want to meet up and talk about it I will simply reply "I don't really have anything to say to you about it. Good luck with Uni and everything else." If I bump into her, I will be civil as you say but uninterested. Agreed?
TheDovic Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Seriously dude, stop being needy and desperate, and DO NOT try and guilt her into coming back. Keep doing these things and you have NO CHANCE of winning her back! I know it's easier said than done but you need to act as if you're ok with her decision, you're getting on with your life and you're happy. Women are attracted to men who have their **** together, who are confident and don't need them. Trust me, if you want this girl back you need to really rethink your strategy. Don't call or text her, but if you see her keep it light and non-needy. Buy a book off amazon if you want to do this right. I recommend David DeAngelo's "Attraction isn't a choice" or John Alexander's "How to become and Alpha Male." These will give you an idea of what your girl wants and why she is running a mile at present when you're behaving like you have been. Not criticising though dude cos we've all been there!!!
Author MIK1000 Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Seriously dude, stop being needy and desperate, and DO NOT try and guilt her into coming back. Keep doing these things and you have NO CHANCE of winning her back! I know it's easier said than done but you need to act as if you're ok with her decision, you're getting on with your life and you're happy. Women are attracted to men who have their **** together, who are confident and don't need them. Trust me, if you want this girl back you need to really rethink your strategy. Don't call or text her, but if you see her keep it light and non-needy. Buy a book off amazon if you want to do this right. I recommend David DeAngelo's "Attraction isn't a choice" or John Alexander's "How to become and Alpha Male." These will give you an idea of what your girl wants and why she is running a mile at present when you're behaving like you have been. Not criticising though dude cos we've all been there!!! That is my plan though mate. So you're saying don't meet up to talk about it, but just be civil if I happen to bump into her?
Chi townD Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Not to make you feel bad, but I would be shocked if she tried to contact you tonight. She's been traveling all day and her family hasn't seen her for the summer....all I'm saying is don't be sitting by waiting for a call or text because it's probably not coming. Besides, it was her choice to end it with you to be with that other guy. Her choice to have you out of her life so that's EXACTALLY what you should give her. Just because the dude is no longer in the immediate picture doesn't mean you deserve to be her back-up plan.
Author MIK1000 Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Not to make you feel bad, but I would be shocked if she tried to contact you tonight. She's been traveling all day and her family hasn't seen her for the summer....all I'm saying is don't be sitting by waiting for a call or text because it's probably not coming. Besides, it was her choice to end it with you to be with that other guy. Her choice to have you out of her life so that's EXACTALLY what you should give her. Just because the dude is no longer in the immediate picture doesn't mean you deserve to be her back-up plan. I wasn't expecting her to contact me tonight at all, or even for the next week for that matter, of course she's going to be settling in ect. I think once she gets used to home life again and into her natural surroundings, suddenly there's going to be so much to remind her of me, something which there wasn't while she was away at this camp, basically having too good a time to think about anything else. Not that I am going to be waiting about for the call, i just wanted to know what the best action to take was if and when it comes.
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