CHSH Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 What should/do you do when you realise your SO is slowly getting depression? I've recognised the symptoms easily because I've been through depression myself and it was absolute hell. It took me around 4-5 years to recover from it and I would really like to prevent him from going through that. In my case, I had no one I felt would care or listen to me and the self-loathing, the stress, etc, just spiralled into depression. He doesn't have depression yet but he is showing signs of getting it and the best thing I can do is just empathise with his feelings and make him see the alternative, positive ways of dealing with those feelings...I've also told him that whenever he has negative feelings, he can just email me or call me and that I will always make time for him. I know that sometimes, all a person needs is to know that there is someone who will listen to them... but I feel like I'm not doing enough. Has anyone been in this situation? (Whether you or SO are/were/is getting depression)
alliecat22 Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Hi CHSH, I feel like I've dropped into a deep depression in my ldr. From the other side, what always seems to bring me back to reality is the constant reminder from my significant other that they are there and that they love me. Love is a very strong thing, and when you know you have someone who genuinely loves you and SHOWS you, it can make a huge difference. It can be the hope to cling onto in times of doubt and darkness. I don't know how affectionate you are in your relationship, but if you think saying you love them once a month or even every two weeks is enough, you may need to step it up. In my ldr, the depression usually stems from the feeling of being alone, rejected, cast aside, or unloved. I'm not sure if this is how your partner is feeling, but if it seems that their depression has spawned out of your ldr, it may be the case that they are just really insecure and miss you like crazy and may need you to give constant reassurance and love to them. Hope that helps and good luck!
Author CHSH Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Hi alliecat, Thanks for the reply. It seems like he's gotten out of that rut so I'm glad it was a temporary phase. I'm very affectionate towards him haha. Sometimes I think I'm too affectionate~ It's very common in his culture, actually, it's like it's expected of him to keep all his emotions inside so it was very difficult for me to be able to make him see that it's not the end of the world if he tells me his problems or complains about the difficult things in his life. Luckily, we managed to have a really long heart to heart and it seems to make the problems less daunting. He's living alone and constantly worries about his future, adding to that, I'm not physically there to console him so I guess everything was just too much for him because he couldn't talk about it and didn't want to 'burden' me with his problems. I completely understand as I go through those feelings all the time. But, if you can't talk to your SO about your problems, who can you talk to?? (Finally he understood that point.) So, I'm very happy that he opened up! Thanks again for replying. Hope yours is going well!!
befreckled Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 What should/do you do when you realise your SO is slowly getting depression? Given that depression isn't curable per se, I've been battling with depression since I was a teenage and I am not currently on medication. What I feel happens with depression is that a simple regular issue within an LDR is exaggerated and feels insurmountable. What I feel helps for me is to "check out" when things get too hot. Head out for a run, head out with friends, just do something other than focus on how unhappy I am etc. I find that when I indulge in the depression, I expect the bf to make me happy and he has an EQ of a rock on most days so that is a challenge in and on it's own. While I think being there for your other half is important, there's a danger of being the person that "saves" him. With depression, he needs to help himself if you will.
Recommended Posts