dumpedandsore Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Hiya all Those whom know i was adruptly and silently dumped by my ex ( the scumbag) who after the silent break-up/cut-off never contacted me again. He didnt even send me a sms/msn pm or email or call me to ask how I am doing or to provide a closure to the whole situation. How he broke up with me? He just went silent...on me.....refused to answer my calls, sms , emails and blocked and removed me from msn. No matter how many times and methods i used to lure and coax him to reply, he just remained silent. How could anyone be so cold, heartless and cruel to totally ignore a person's desperate attempts/pleas to reach him and get an answer? Its been two months since Im dumped, from his fb, he seems to be getting better and well. But he has yet to contact me. He just went dead on me and cut me off completely. Can any guys help to explain his behaviour? Cos i can never believe a grown-up like him can behave in such a manner? A living human would have the decency and conscience to just give an answer..not just go dead in this manner, and doesnt care about what happened to the other party.. Does he even have a heart or a conscience to speak of? His actions make me think poorly and lowly of myself, that an ex lover cant be cared less about how i feel, and just dumped me like trash, walked away immediately and never turn back or spare a thought for me.. and now living a high and sociable dating life..joining some dating workshops for men to seduce and woo girls or im a victim of a love game..planned and skillfully executed by a love cheat!!!! who pulled the dating skills and tactics he has learnt from the workshops on me..
silly_panda Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I probably gonna get stab for saying this... Guilt..? Perhaps..?
Author dumpedandsore Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 I probably gonna get stab for saying this... Guilt..? Perhaps..? I thought of it, i was driven by guilt before..i was the dumper once..felt guilty and bad..but i make sure i end it properly cos i cared for the person's welfare after the breakup.. if he was guilty, by now, he would have taken some measures..to contact me and give it a full ending... i think its heck care, self-centered attitude
maylis Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Wow, he's such a coward. I don't know how I'd handle it if someone did that to me. I'm sorry you have to go through this!
M2155 Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I think it's cowardly. Mine was half a text message away from doing the same thing. When I tell this to my girlfriends, that he just went ghost on me, they are usually like "typical man" which lets me know it happens. A friend told me about a time where she was the dumper and didn't want to deal with pleading, sad faces, crying etc. I guess that is a real big part of it. It's easier for the dumper to deal with you being angry at you than seeing the pain they are causing you. I don't like it but I can buy the logic. A guy told me when someone pulls that cowardly move, it's because they have some doubt and they don't want to be put in a position to be convinced to change their mind (the pleading etc). I don't buy this reasoning as much but it's another perspective. Either way, I do see how the chasing, begging, etc pushes them further.
Author dumpedandsore Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 I think it's cowardly. Mine was half a text message away from doing the same thing. When I tell this to my girlfriends, that he just went ghost on me, they are usually like "typical man" which lets me know it happens. A friend told me about a time where she was the dumper and didn't want to deal with pleading, sad faces, crying etc. I guess that is a real big part of it. It's easier for the dumper to deal with you being angry at you than seeing the pain they are causing you. I don't like it but I can buy the logic. A guy told me when someone pulls that cowardly move, it's because they have some doubt and they don't want to be put in a position to be convinced to change their mind (the pleading etc). I don't buy this reasoning as much but it's another perspective. Either way, I do see how the chasing, begging, etc pushes them further. then how do i get over the feeling of being dumped shabbily? the first dumped me over a nasty, threatening and intimidating phonecall, he was fierce and yet sounded like threatening me to let him go this? MIA for many days until he replied my email that he wanted a break-up.. why am i always treated so disrespectfully? i still cant get pass that
Mack05 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 then how do i get over the feeling of being dumped shabbily? the first dumped me over a nasty, threatening and intimidating phonecall, he was fierce and yet sounded like threatening me to let him go this? MIA for many days until he replied my email that he wanted a break-up.. why am i always treated so disrespectfully? i still cant get pass that This is a horrible feeling being dumped by a coward. Sadly you will never get the closure you are looking for. You will never get the answers you seek. I have posted my NC guide (from getting past your breakup) loads on this site. I think these are the most relevant to you.. I Must have Closure. You may have many questions, but you need to accept that some will never get answered. Even if you have questions that seem to drive you crazy, you must decide that the answers don't matter, probably won't make sense, probably aren't going to satisfy you and are not going to give you any sense of closure. It is your responsibility to accept that you may have to close this chapter without answers, explanations, and without input from someone else. It is not only possible for you to survive without the answers but it's necessary. Staying in the questions, repeating them and ruminating over the possible answers will only keep you stuck. Despite your fervent belief that somehow one final scene with your ex will lead to closure, it will not. You don't need to know what your ex thinks or why your ex did this or that, to move on. If you want closure, you need to do the grief work, intergrate the experience into your life and turn the page. That is how closure happens...FROM WITHIN.. I just need to make sense of it all" and I just have one more thing to say to you before I let go"...You may think that if you can just talk sense into your ex, then everything will be fine. You may have heard illogical or unreasonable explanations that left you stunned and speechless at the time, but now they go round and round in your head and you can think of a thousand rebuttals to them all. As you ruminate on the things your ex said, you come up with reasons your ex is wrong, and then you start to imagine how having a change to talk things out will resolve all the misunderstandings. It becomes your impassioned belief that you can have a conversation and turn the wrongheadedness around. If your ex dumped you and you think it was the wrong thing to do, he or she needs to figure that out. You can't be the one to "fix" your ex's thinking. The bottom line is that if your ex see's things in a cockeyed way now, he or she is going to continue to see things the same way whenever you are not around to correct this twisted prespective. It takes hard work and constant vigilance to keep someone "thinking correctly", and you don't want that kind of responsibility or control. The fact is you need to accept that you have been with someone whose approach to life is simply incompatible to yours. Perhaps it was evident that you thought in different ways, saw the world differently, and operated on irreconcilable differences but you chose to ignore it or worked hard to correct it. You can't ignore dissimilar viewpoints any longer. Accept the fact that you think differently and let it go so you can find someone whose way of thinking is compatible with yours. It is a horrible, disgusting way to get dumped. The key thing here is dealing with your emotions. If you feel angry be angry. If you are sad feel sad. Don't rush through the process. Grieve in the correct way. Eventually there will come a day when you feel strong again. That is the day to forgive your ex. I forgave my ex for all the hurtful things she did to me. It felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I was able to move on with my life with no restrictions. By forgiving her, I let go off the power she held over me. She never deserved it in the first place. Forgiveness free's us to move on to healthier relationships. Instead of wasting your energy on him focus on yourself. Get to the gym, spend more time with family and friends. When the time is right and u have done the hard work on yourself you will then start attracting the right kind of guys. Not cowards like your ex.
M2155 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I forgave my ex for all the hurtful things she did to me. It felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I was able to move on with my life with no restrictions. By forgiving her, I let go off the power she held over me. I did this initially for me, after the cowardly break-up and I was maintaining ok. I was still ANGRY though and how he did it, but that helped my NC. He was officially an @$$. Then a couple weeks later we had a little chat and I went from anger to sadness, remorse (what if, why not etc) and I honestly wish that had never happened. I was better off just remembering him as an @$$!
insaneinthebrain Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I think you should consider your self lucky. Sometimes when people do this its a sign that they are really self centered and that they dont care about the people around them. I have had this happened to me, and really, its not guilt.... its the sense of self preservation... its out sight out of mind..... Thruth is this person probably never cared about you at all..
Mack05 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 (edited) I did this initially for me, after the cowardly break-up and I was maintaining ok. I was still ANGRY though and how he did it, but that helped my NC. He was officially an @$$. Then a couple weeks later we had a little chat and I went from anger to sadness, remorse (what if, why not etc) and I honestly wish that had never happened. I was better off just remembering him as an @$$! Don't get me wrong M2155. I don't think highly of my ex has a person, the feeling is mutual on her side (I too made mistakes that I'm not proud of and that I have since learnt from). If I saw her again I wouldn't smile. I would just look away and walk on. I did leave go of the anger though. I think she got some sick kick out of hurting me, it certainly seemed that way. When I think back to all the nice things I did for her. To all the nice things my family did for her, I used to fill up with rage the way she viciously dumped me. No consideration whatsoever for my feelings or empathy/compassion for what I was going through in my life at that time. I pleaded for her to give me closure face to face (I knew we were not right together, just wanted closure). Any decent person would do that. Instead she called the police on me. By doing such a thing not only did she disrespect everything we had, she disrespected everything my family did for her. I was filled with anger for about 2 months afterwards. Eventually after my birthday, I let all of my anger go. She didn't deserve the time I was using, to think about her. I realised the best revenge I could get on her, was to live my life well and that is exactly what I have been doing and what I will continue to do. I never think of her anymore, except the very odd time when replying on this site. I have since gone on to meet the most amazing woman, who blows my ex out of the water in everyway a woman can. Hopefully this shows people who are currently suffering on this site that there is always life after a very tough heartbreak and if you work hard on yourself, you will get rewarded. Most times when you least expect it. I just hope Dumpedandsore doesnt waste too much of her time obsessing about what this guy did to her. Because like my ex he just isn't worth it. She must find her closure from within and when she does she will be far the stronger person for it. Edited September 12, 2011 by Mack05
M2155 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Mack05 that is a great story (except the calling police part:confused:) and I too hope everyone finds someone great! What I was saying was I wish I had left it as a text dump. It was easier for me to accept that he was just an @ss (I didn't think he was an @ss personally just as a BF). When I learned more (the whys, hows, etc) it only made the wounds and hurt deeper and now I think about all the coulda, shoulda wouldas instead of "he's an @ss who never deserved me." I understand some people want "closure" but from that experience IMO just try really really hard to find a way within yourself to accept it and get better (I know, easier said that done). They obviously didn't have enough respect for you or themselves to communicate like a grown-up. I just have to believe what goes around comes around!
Mack05 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 I just have to believe what goes around comes around! There you go
TheDovic Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 He sounds like a coward! Either that or he believes you have done something to really upset him i.e. cheated on him (I'm not saying you did, but he might think that for a reason). My best friend did something like this once because he's a paranoid wreck and someone told him his gf had cheated on him. Turned out she hadn't but he blocked her from everything too and never spoke to her again. He feels kind of foolish now and she won't even look at him! Not alot you can do though barring sending him a letter or something asking if you did anything to warrant this... If he doesn't reply he's probably just a coward!!!
wilsonx Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Hiya all Those whom know i was adruptly and silently dumped by my ex ( the scumbag) who after the silent break-up/cut-off never contacted me again. He didnt even send me a sms/msn pm or email or call me to ask how I am doing or to provide a closure to the whole situation. How he broke up with me? He just went silent...on me.....refused to answer my calls, sms , emails and blocked and removed me from msn. No matter how many times and methods i used to lure and coax him to reply, he just remained silent. How could anyone be so cold, heartless and cruel to totally ignore a person's desperate attempts/pleas to reach him and get an answer? Its been two months since Im dumped, from his fb, he seems to be getting better and well. But he has yet to contact me. He just went dead on me and cut me off completely. Can any guys help to explain his behaviour? Cos i can never believe a grown-up like him can behave in such a manner? A living human would have the decency and conscience to just give an answer..not just go dead in this manner, and doesnt care about what happened to the other party.. Does he even have a heart or a conscience to speak of? His actions make me think poorly and lowly of myself, that an ex lover cant be cared less about how i feel, and just dumped me like trash, walked away immediately and never turn back or spare a thought for me.. and now living a high and sociable dating life..joining some dating workshops for men to seduce and woo girls or im a victim of a love game..planned and skillfully executed by a love cheat!!!! who pulled the dating skills and tactics he has learnt from the workshops on me.. I am curious about this. I was going to do this to break up with my ex. I was so mentally stressed and broken from the relationship, my parents said I could move in and I was just going to pack my **** in a uhaul and do the same thing he did. I don't think this is cowardice. It's a way out and its not easy. I was so in love with my ex, I couldn't pull the trigger to her face no matter how much I needed to for my own mental and physical health. If I did not catch my ex cheating on me 2 nights before I was going to do this, this is how I would have broken up with her.
wilsonx Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) How is this being cowardice do you know my story, have you ever been in a relationship with someone that has a cluster B personality disorder. Until you have, you have absolutely no right to judge, the only way to get away from the constant push/pull that these people do is to get out and run. I tried ending the relationship at least 4-5 times but her constant gaslighting was too much for me to handle There is no cowardice involved. What you do not understand is that as an individual, my right to be physically and mentally well supersedes any relationship I am in. I do not owe the other person anything. I come first. You can call this selfish and cowardice, I call it survival. Edited September 13, 2011 by wilsonx
insaneinthebrain Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) How could you say that? How could you even justify such a heartless, cowardly, cold move? As a boyfriend of how many ever years, you should break up with that person to their face. After years of that person being hurt, dedicating themselves and trying to "love" you, and for nothing I might add, you think it's okay for them to up and walk away & not give a **** about the person that gave every damn thing to them? If you're that cold and that inconsiderate of someone you "loved"'s feelings, then you shouldn't ever be in a relationship in the first place, EVER. You are not mature and frankly, you don't deserve it. I hate "men" like you that play women and dump them so cowardly, justify it and don't even give a damn. Bless the next woman's heart that dares get with you. this goes both ways hunny.... .. women do this stuff too.... Btw Mack .. i can beat your story.... I got threatened by her new gang banger bf. ! ... HAHAH .. I would take the cops over him and his friends any day... .Trust me .. it was not a pretty i wound up having r him to get the message that just cause he is hard up ex con .. doesn make him a crazy as me.... .. Not my proudest moment... but .. you know what.. ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR! Edited September 13, 2011 by insaneinthebrain
Besmy Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 My ex the Sloth dumped me by text without providing an explanation and refused to talk to me / see me / explain. Personally I prefer ending a relationship in a civil way providing an explanation but then everyone is different. I think people who disappear either do not want to be confronted with the consequences of their actions (crying etc.) or just cannot care less for whatever reason (deserved or undeserved). I feel sorry for you. Please realise that he is not the right person for you and you deserve better. A hug
Mack05 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) Wilsonx, I think you can sugarcoat it anyway you want, but it is a cowardly way to dump someone. 30 minutes to tell someone that you are no longer committed to the relationship is not that much to ask. Any person that has spent time with you, loved you, cooked for you, bought presents for you, was a friend to you, treated you to nights out, met your friends and family, was intimate with you, Made love to you, picked you up when you were feeling low, shared dreams with you etc etc etc etc deserves a goodbye to their face (unless they committed some sort of crime against you or someone u love). Even if they had sex with the whole or Virginia behind your back, they deserve a face to face goodbye. It's called common decency. It's showing respect for what you both shared together. Even if you no longer respect your ex partner, respect what you both shared together. If you are exhausted and need to take time off before the face to face meeting do that but give the person you shared so much with, the ending to the relationship that they deserve. That everyone deserves. I know how you feel. My ex has Borderline Personality Disorder. She made my life literally hell at the end of our relationship. She went to the police (all I did was send her emails/texts pleading to give me face to face closure). She came on to this website and launched the most hurtful personal attack on me. She has told anyone that will listen god knows what about me (we know people in common). I could go on and on, but you get my point. This woman hurt me more than anyone else ever has. Did I make mistakes in my last relationship? Yeah, absolutely I did and she had every right to leave me (I was going through a particulary tough personal hardship in my life at the time). But when you compare all I did for her, what my family did for her, compared to my mistakes...I more then deserved a face to face goodbye. Despite all that even now, if she wanted to meet face to face I would. Reason? For the reasons I outlined above. I probably would not even say anything and just let her speak what's on her mind. Once she was finished, I would just let her go on her way. You spoke about not being in your shoes and that is a fair point, but try feel what it is like to be in the shoes of dumpedandsore right now. It's a horrible, cruel way to be dumped and she didn't deserve that. No one does... Edited September 13, 2011 by Mack05
Author dumpedandsore Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Wilsonx, I think you can sugarcoat it anyway you want, but it is a cowardly way to dump someone. 30 minutes to tell someone that you are no longer committed to the relationship is not that much to ask. Any person that has spent time with you, loved you, cooked for you, bought presents for you, was a friend to you, treated you to nights out, met your friends and family, was intimate with you, Made love to you, picked you up when you were feeling low, shared dreams with you etc etc etc etc deserves a goodbye to their face (unless they committed some sort of crime against you or someone u love). Even if they had sex with the whole or Virginia behind your back, they deserve a face to face goodbye. It's called common decency. It's showing respect for what you both shared together. Even if you no longer respect your ex partner, respect what you both shared together. If you are exhausted and need to take time off before the face to face meeting do that but give the person you shared so much with, the ending to the relationship that they deserve. That everyone deserves. I know how you feel. My ex has Borderline Personality Disorder. She made my life literally hell at the end of our relationship. She went to the police (all I did was send her emails/texts pleading to give me face to face closure). She came on to this website and launched the most hurtful personal attack on me. She has told anyone that will listen god knows what about me (we know people in common). I could go on and on, but you get my point. This woman hurt me more than anyone else ever has. Did I make mistakes in my last relationship? Yeah, absolutely I did and she had every right to leave me (I was going through a particulary tough personal hardship in my life at the time). But when you compare all I did for her, what my family did for her, compared to my mistakes...I more then deserved a face to face goodbye. Despite all that even now, if she wanted to meet face to face I would. Reason? For the reasons I outlined above. I probably would not even say anything and just let her speak what's on her mind. Once she was finished, I would just let her go on her way. You spoke about not being in your shoes and that is a fair point, but try feel what it is like to be in the shoes of dumpedandsore right now. It's a horrible, cruel way to be dumped and she didn't deserve that. No one does... Yes, im very hurted by his actions.. worse is, he is leading a high flying life now, happier than ever, adding and wooing girls on facebook, linking up with dating coaches (for men to seduce and attract girls), as if he has done no wrong I moved from sadness to anger now...i wonder how to appease the anger
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