robdrm32 Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I went out with an ex last night had a good time, and was talking to her today about whether she thought it was a date or not. We get into talking and how she viewed it as a friend thing. which was annoying because she let me pay without even offering for the dinner/movie. But aside from that I was telling her how I can't view her as just a friend and if we continue seeing eachother i have to know we are working towards something. She went on to say that she doesn't want to be in a relationship, that i'm too serious for her and we are going down two different paths because she is only 18. (i'm 25, don't waste time judging me i'm not a predator) What sucks is I know she is right, I know that even though she is a relationship minded girl, I know that at this stage of my life i'm looking for something serious, something to work towards long term. I just don't get why it hurts the way it does knowing she is right. It's like when we first got together I had her under my thumb, she was crazy about me but it slowly turned around and she ended up losing feeling for me. I don't know whether to attribute that to me being too serious, or expecting too much out of such a young girl. I don't even know what to say to her in response to that. I feel like i want to keep pressing it, to see if we can't give it another go but I get the feeling i'll be wasting my time. I know this is a vague post and not alot of details but if some of you could please offer insight/experiences/advice it would help alot. Thanks.
Lilmisus Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 You're definitely wasting your time whenever you and the other person are both looking for two different things. I know how it feels to want to be with someone who you know things wont end up working out with, but just know that it's best to let them go. Save room and emotion for someone who is actually looking for the same thing as you and who has a future that might be on the same track as yours. Hopefully someone comes along to get your mind back off of your ex, that way you can see just how right it is for y'all to be through.
rafallus Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I don't know whether to attribute that to me being too serious, or expecting too much out of such a young girl. I don't even know what to say to her in response to that. I feel like i want to keep pressing it, to see if we can't give it another go but I get the feeling i'll be wasting my time. Yes, you would be wasting your time. Pressing other person for relationship never works in a long run. Even if you get into one, they would resent you. And at 18, she's certainly not the girl to spend rest of your life with, and I can say that without even knowing her. So yes, less heavy talk, get more light-hearted.
Author robdrm32 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 thanks. I have been light-hearted with her until today because i'm not gonna let things drag out. It's odd i had been talking to other girls i just gave up with them and wanted to pursue her again. I don't want to cut ties in a way because i care for her but i know that continuing talking to her is going to keep me distracted.
sm1tten Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 This is exactly what I was afraid was going to happen. But my advice to you, if you want it, is that you let her go because she is telling you that you don't want the same things. You're trying to fight this battle because you care about her and you want to make it work with her, but you're essentially fighting it alone. It hurts because it's disappointing, it's not what you want, and your expectations are unmet. But if you don't at least loosen the ties with her, you won't be able to find anyone who can do those things for you. I do give you a ton of credit for having a clarifying conversation with her about the date and what it meant, because most people would be so afraid of not hearing what they want that they'd just assume. Which inevitably hurts them more.
dasein Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 With this one and in the future, when they start drifting, vanish from their lives entirely. Unfortunately it's the only way for men, just vanish. Lots of times it doesn't sink in until you are completely gone what they have lost, but sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it just wasn't meant to be. That's why you should always keep options and guard your agreement to date someone exclusively like the leprechaun guards the pot of gold. Never date a young woman without having options and be very hesitant to be exclusive with a younger woman until you have near infallible evidence that she is completely and totally head over heels for you.
coolheadal Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Sounds like you still love her I know the feeling too. 18 and 25 still if you were 37 and she was 21 you might run into the same issue too. Still if you love her stick it out with her and try to do things she likes too. You can try to change but not too much change.
Author robdrm32 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 I think i'm finding it more frustrating because she was head over heels for me, and my insecurities coupled with her immaturity drove us apart. When an issue came up due to her being inexperienced my insecurities would come through and that always kills attraction i know. I had the conversation because I knew i couldn't keep going as just friends and then one day she says she has a b/f that would be painful, along with me not being able to move on and find someone else. I had been thinking about that, even if we did get together at some point the age would come into play again. Her being in the partying phase while i'm settling down it really would lower the chances working long term, and it would hurt more the longer we were together. thanks for the input people it really helped.
Osiris1234 Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 She wants to have her "FUN" before settling down with you, don't ever date an EX, also drop her like a sack of potatoes.
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