Must rant about my break-up because I'm having a hard time coping

[Starnette83]

TORN

im torn without you...

you were my everything and at one point i thought i was yours...

we were eachother one and only

and in your arms i felt happy and safe, just to see your face brought a smile to my face..

id walk a thousand miles just to be close to you...

and there was never a day that i took you for granted

never a day id bare to see u sad...

i tried my very best to be your all..but i guess i mustve done something wrong

maybe i gave u too much and u couldnt handle it..

3 years 1/2 with u were great even though we had our occasional downs..

but either way i always loved you...

but now im torn cos u aint here..im all alone

and i want to cry so bad..

yet my tears r frozen

and all i do is think of you..

where are u?? why dont u call me??

i need to see u, hush and just kiss me and hold me...

wish i could have u forever..but u dont want the same..

and it breaks me apart to know u want other girls..

it tears my heart..it makes me crazy and i just want to escape from this feeling

so strong i feel for u..

as crazy as it sounds i saw u as more then a boyfriend, u were my best friend, my lover,

my dream come true, someone i saw myself forever!!!....ugh...

why? why?? was it only me the whole time?? why did it all change??

am i not pretty enough??

am i just not what u want??

im torn

[Starnette83]

im SORRY but i cant stop writing, i have to write in order to stop myself from going crazy..so much is on my mind that i find it so hard to fall asleep..and even when i do sleep , all i dream is of you and me..why the **** u gotta ruin this?? i remember looking into your eyes and we both loved eachother so much!!!

 

....u even told me that u would never forget me..but how the **** can that be true when u dont even call....

im so pissed...yet so sad..i wanna forget you..but i cant..every second is a torture cuz im thinking of u, wondering where ure at, what u doing and who ure with..do u even think of me, or is just me? do u even miss me? cuz if u dont what the **** am i doing missing u...

im going insane and im starting to think that ILL NEVER GET OVER YOU!!!!!

ive never been in love ...the way i am in love with you..but damn ure so far...and ure leaving me here all alone super sad, when all u can do is gimme a hug to make it alright!!!!!!!

[Starnette83]

how can u ruin such a good thing just becuz ure curious to go **** someone else????

how can u let 3 years 1.2 years go down the drain just cuz ure curious what else is out there???

do u think i can take u back after u have been around???will u even wanna be back, or will u find exaclty what ure looking for...

ugh it makes me so mad cos u know i love you..i showed u in every ****en way, i never did the things u didnt like, like smoking,...i stopped just for you..but did u even give a ****?? have u forgotten that i met u when u were a NOBODY and how i have stuck with u regardless...cos i necver cared about the money, i just cared about u!!! i never used u, never played u..all; i did was love u..was that my mistake>??? was my mistake to love u???? did i lvoe u so much to make u take me for grabnted???

[Starnette83]

DEAR GOD why the hell do i think of him so much??? why does my every heart beat depend on him, why do i feel so dependant, what the hell is wrong with me???? PLEASE TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME!!!!!

i dont want to feel this way anymore, its suffocating and im not enjoying things i can be enjoying, im alwasy moody, down and just FRUSTRATED!!!

he doesnt LOVE me....why cant i just use that as a force to get over him!!!! hes LIED TO MY FACE..shouldnt this be enough to make me hate him??? why is the love still in my heart??? why????? please LORD take this away from me...i cant deal with thinking of him every second of the day, wishing he would be sorry!!! i shouldnt care if hes sorry ever..i should just MOVE ON and forget him!!!

[Starnette83]

look at me...im crying...i just saw his profile and he took our initials off it..the tears are flowing now..and i feel so stupid!!!!!!

why, why so much pain...how can he be so mean..how can he be so selfish..he knows hes hurting me but he doesnt care...cuz he doesnt love me anymore..

what am i to do???

i still love him...and it hurtz so bad inside...i feel like im suffocating...its just to hard to bare...and i dont want to appear weak....but he was my everythin...but he doesnt give no ****en **** about me!! HE DOESNT LOVE ME!!!! DOUBT HE EVEN CAREZ!!!!!!! i just wanna hate him,.,,,,..

[MESO]

Starnette i feel your pain...thought it wasnt 3.5 years it was a year and a half for me....But still we shared so much and loved each other so much...how can she just end it when things arent exactly like they used to be...I also cant stop thinking of her..shes ays shes confused right now and has so much stress but she doesnt know if we are over...I know that ok if she really still loved me she would want me with her to get her through this....but obviously i am the problem...I just cant believe this has come to us..our love was so pure and true...i just dont get what i did so wrong...

 

I just keep thinking this is like worse than a death....

If someone died that you love, you/they had no choice they had to go

 

But a breakup is like you loved them so much and they CHOSE to go and leave you, it leaves you to question what you did wrong and wonder where they are what they are doing

i dunno im rambling but i jsut need to vent... starnette i totally feel you pain....if you need anything i am here

[Starnette83]

i wonder if he even carez that its over...sometimes i doubt it..i really doubt it..and thats what drivez me crazy, the fact that its only me whoz missing him so much...gosh!!!!

[sinkerswim]

awww Starnette..

Keep writing if you have to. Im sorry you are going through this pain.

I know it ALL too well.

Hang in there.

[meanttolive4ever]

i always write in my journal on the internet..and people comment on it. I always write how much i miss him and how much i love him and that i would do anything for him. maybe that would work for you.

[broken-up girl]

We broke up in March. I made the mistake of visiting him (he lives 2 hours away) last weekend. Now the pain, which I thought I had dealt with, is here all over again. It even seems worse because we had such a good time together, and he even admits to being still in love. He doesn't want to be together though. He doesn't want to date anyone else either. It would be easier if he didn't love me anymore. He acts like we are still best friends. I can't tell him I don't want to see him or talk to him, but I would like the strength not to. He was so much to me. They say you're not supposed to need a person if it's love, but I needed him. I'd like to think I don't anymore, that I've learned all I could. But I know now it is not simple, the process of getting over someone. I was even thinking the relationship wasn't working. But how in love I felt and how in love he seemed last weekend. It was just a way of hurting myself, I can't do that again.

[princess rose]

Starnette:

 

I feel ya, go ahead and vent, get those feelings out! That's healthy.

[PlentyLV007]

I feel the same way you do! I miss him and I think of him every day! What hurts me the most is that my best-friend still talks to him. Her boyfriend is his friend. So you know....The whole circle thing. I had to give up everything. Even going out w/ my best friend. The one person I thought I could talk to tells me the truth...that he's opened to other people....maybe even been dating and seeing other people...me, my stomach gets sick just thinking of being w/ someone else.

You don't know how happy I'm to finally feel like I'm not alone. Everybody around me is w/ someone. I'm not. How can I go out and meet people when everybody I know has someone. The only person I had was my best-friend and I don't even have that. Don't worry....BE STRONG!!!