maria_patheticsoul Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Two days ago i asked my SO if we are going to chat and he said of course we are going to chat. So i told him to finish whatever work he is doing at the office that moment and we save the other topics for that night. He is supposed to go online between 7:30-8:00PM, at 11pm i sent him a text message asking where he is, no reply. Then the next morning he sent a text message at 8:00AM telling me " Im sorry baby i took a nap and!!!! I love you" so i replied telling him "yeah, yeah" and to my surprise he replied saying "whatever". From the day i recieve that message i haven't spoken or sent him a message and that was friday, and he did not message me at al. I was thinking now if it's my fault because i think he is having fun using his napping as an excuse...i dont have any problem if we cant chat except if i ask him and he says yes. I dont feel like making the first move sending him a text message as i dont feel at fault at all or...should i?
TMichaels Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Two days ago i asked my SO if we are going to chat and he said of course we are going to chat. So i told him to finish whatever work he is doing at the office that moment and we save the other topics for that night. He is supposed to go online between 7:30-8:00PM, at 11pm i sent him a text message asking where he is, no reply. Then the next morning he sent a text message at 8:00AM telling me " Im sorry baby i took a nap and!!!! I love you" so i replied telling him "yeah, yeah" and to my surprise he replied saying "whatever". From the day i recieve that message i haven't spoken or sent him a message and that was friday, and he did not message me at al. I was thinking now if it's my fault because i think he is having fun using his napping as an excuse...i dont have any problem if we cant chat except if i ask him and he says yes. I dont feel like making the first move sending him a text message as i dont feel at fault at all or...should i? If you don't want to feel like you're his toy that can be played with at whim, get a job (and some self-respect) and quit being his "kept woman." Best, TMichaels
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 If you don't want to feel like you're his toy that can be played with at whim, get a job (and some self-respect) and quit being his "kept woman." Best, TMichaels You are right ! Infact i do have a job now that is the reason why i am fine not chatting with him very often...that is also the reason why i get pissed off when i asked him if we can chat on a friday night because that is only my free time. "kept woman" that i am not sure but yeah i am at the edge of suspecting..well only way to find out is if he will come for a visit but i doubt if he will as i am not talking to him for 3 days now...we will see.
creighton0123 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Don't communicate over text messaging. Your suggestion of avoiding reaching out to him because you're "not at fault" is the way significant rifts develop in a long distance relationship. There was some level of miscommunication between the two of you. He could have laid his head down and fell asleep, not waking up again until it was too late to call you. He could have felt really bad about it and, before getting a chance to explain, was belittled and dismissed by your "yeah, yeah". You never know... because you were absent communication. Instead of playing the "who's at fault" game with one another, get on a video or voice chat and discuss what happened, tell one another how you feel, and dismiss it. If it becomes habitual behavior on his part despite clearly pointing out expectations, you will have to move onto conversation about the status and importance of the relationship.
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 Don't communicate over text messaging. Your suggestion of avoiding reaching out to him because you're "not at fault" is the way significant rifts develop in a long distance relationship. There was some level of miscommunication between the two of you. He could have laid his head down and fell asleep, not waking up again until it was too late to call you. He could have felt really bad about it and, before getting a chance to explain, was belittled and dismissed by your "yeah, yeah". You never know... because you were absent communication. Instead of playing the "who's at fault" game with one another, get on a video or voice chat and discuss what happened, tell one another how you feel, and dismiss it. If it becomes habitual behavior on his part despite clearly pointing out expectations, you will have to move onto conversation about the status and importance of the relationship. Oh it's damn habitual on his side !!! I really dont care if he do that except when i ask for a certain time and a certain date of us talking in skype. he clearly said last friday that if he was not able to come online when we are scheduled to chat it's because of three reasons...either he was working or out of town, fell asleep, and the internet connection was acting up...so very lame excuses actually as i see it but i let him do his thing and his excuses as i am also busy. I think he enjoys pissing me off and he said he loves it when i am complaining. Well i dont enjoy it at all!!! He said this morning in a text message that he went to the hospital to have his toes checked as he had an accident a week ago and that he took pain killers before he napped...it was too late for the explanation he even said that my message last saturday seemed that i dont care but i simply replied him saying i was not aware because he informed me so late about what he have been doing. The last message he sent really pissed me off again, "I love you so stop complaining" So that's it for the rest of the week he can get busy as much as he want to as i will be busy and just let the week passby without further communication. Maybe we are both ok with that and maybe we want that much space.
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 Oh yeah one thing more...he told me how he deals with our situation. He is my husband and that he is working away from home....sounds so silly but i did not react and did not spoil his fun. I was going to say to him..."you are working away from home and i am your kept woman not your wife" but i am not sure how he will react so i prefered to shut up.
creighton0123 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Maria, others are right. If you're describing him accurately, he is dismissive, belittling, inconsiderate, and rude. He is not behaving like someone in an honest, strong, and respectful relationship built on mutual effort and trust.
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Hmmm...i think he have this personality disorder...i am trying to figure it out for months now. But lately i know what it is...he is a compulsive liar..he have all the signs or symptoms of a compulsive liar. I think i need to call it quits...it's not going to work no matter how hard i try. I regret i wasted a few months being in a relationship with him and i even sacrificed my former job just to make it work. I am just glad that it's not too late for me as i can see i can not help him with his problem i dont even know if he knows he have this problem. Oh well a straight and direct email to him will do...I just want this over.
2penguins Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 I got into a habit of always being the one to make the move, whether it was a call, email, skype whatever. But I found that sometimes it sure does need to be his turn. So if you give him some space to text you back, it wouldn't hurt. Give him all the time he needs--even though you may get kinda antsy to text him anyways. Just try it
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 I think i dont need to do that now as i ended the relationship few days ago. I was not too sure if what i did was right. I am supposed to be happy right now but for some reason i dont know. Sent him an email regarding the break up i was not expecting a reply it was ok because i think i said everything i wanted to say. We had our second chance to make this relationship work out but so sad i knew it will not work out no matter how much i wanted to no matter how hard i try.
linkinghabit Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Two days ago i asked my SO if we are going to chat and he said of course we are going to chat. So i told him to finish whatever work he is doing at the office that moment and we save the other topics for that night. He is supposed to go online between 7:30-8:00PM, at 11pm i sent him a text message asking where he is, no reply. Then the next morning he sent a text message at 8:00AM telling me " Im sorry baby i took a nap and!!!! I love you" so i replied telling him "yeah, yeah" and to my surprise he replied saying "whatever". From the day i recieve that message i haven't spoken or sent him a message and that was friday, and he did not message me at al. I was thinking now if it's my fault because i think he is having fun using his napping as an excuse...i dont have any problem if we cant chat except if i ask him and he says yes. I dont feel like making the first move sending him a text message as i dont feel at fault at all or...should i? You can still find someone deserves your attention...don't waste your time on him...
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 You can still find someone deserves your attention...don't waste your time on him... Yeah i guess intime....need to rest my poor heart for now. It's so damn tiring all these roller coaster ride. Scary if one day i will not be able to feel anything anymore...numb
Crazy4what Posted September 17, 2011 Posted September 17, 2011 Roller Coaster ride! been there done that multiple times and its not healthy... Ganda ganda mo wag ka masyado papauto dun.
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted September 17, 2011 Author Posted September 17, 2011 (edited) Roller Coaster ride! been there done that multiple times and its not healthy... Ganda ganda mo wag ka masyado papauto dun. Hahahaha Bro kakaloka yun roller coaster ride...kaka stress sobra! I am done with him and i will rest myself from being stressed from men for a while. Edited September 17, 2011 by maria_patheticsoul
Els Posted September 18, 2011 Posted September 18, 2011 Maria.. from what I recall, you've been unhappy about your relationship for a long, long, long time. Unless you actually did attain resolution for your other issues, but just did not update us? In that case, this issue in isolation doesn't seem a biggie IMO. People fall asleep. It happens. But if you have NOT attained resolution and it has been this way all the while.. why are you still here? What is keeping you?
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted September 18, 2011 Author Posted September 18, 2011 (edited) Maria.. from what I recall, you've been unhappy about your relationship for a long, long, long time. Unless you actually did attain resolution for your other issues, but just did not update us? In that case, this issue in isolation doesn't seem a biggie IMO. People fall asleep. It happens. But if you have NOT attained resolution and it has been this way all the while.. why are you still here? What is keeping you? Yeah that is true i was in a very traumatic relationship way way back which ended sometime last year. Maybe that is why i am not much into a long distance relationship as i feel i can not hold on to something that i know will not be there at the end. I was very patient and understanding before and i dont try to find any loopholes very often but it did me no good. This other guy was a former bf 2 1/2 years ago we did not have a proper clossure as he vanished even before meeting me in real. The other guy which i had a traumatic relationship came after i lost the first one. I think i need to be happy first with myself before i can truelly be happy in a relationship. It's tiring...i am here to read other people views...it makes my neuron alive. I enjoy this site because in here i can vent out...i can ask questions that needs answers from another person's point of view. This site is very much educating me regarding relationship. Now i am not with my SO anymore but i am not planning to leave this site...every now and then i log in to read threads and comments. It always feels good if someone can relate to what you are feeling at a certain moment. Edited September 18, 2011 by maria_patheticsoul
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