bson1257 Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Disagree. If a guy has a small penis you can choose not to like him. Same goes if a girl has a big vagina. 1
dasein Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Infatuation is 'lust' based on physical attraction alone and may never lead to any feelings of genuine love. No, lust is lust, or rather a strong desire to have sex with someone, which is usually even more fleeting than infatuation. Infatuation is the result of the formation of limerence, the psychochemical phenomenon that begins the pair-bonding process, that has been linked to oxytocin and feelings of uncertainty...both terms equate to "falling in love" and neither lasts.
daphne Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 You can never choose what infatuates you, but after a certain level of experience in life IMO you absolutely can choose who you allow yourself to love. Love is a verb, not a state of being. I agree. But most people here, I believe, correlate love and infatuation.
runner Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 i'm not only able to choose, but i find it vital and necessary in choosing the right partner to fall in love with.
EasyHeart Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I agree. But most people here, I believe, correlate love and infatuation.So true. And so sad.
EasyHeart Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 There seems to be a lot of hair-splitting in this thread, trying to define 73 different variations of romantic connection. Maybe I'm dull and insensitive (okay, that's a given), but I don't see it as that complicated. You either love someone or you don't. The MOST interesting thing about this thread is that when I read the OP, I immediately interpreted the question as being whether it is possible to prevent yourself from falling in love with someone. But many (most?) of you seem to have instinctively looked at it from the opposite direction -- whether you can force yourself to love someone. I have no idea what that means, but I think it's interesting. Oh, and if I can choose who to fall in love with, I choose Megan Fox! You are all invited to the wedding. . ..
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 I disagree with that statement. Not only that, but many people prefer to use "you can't choose who you fall in love with" to justify staying in miserable relationships or in hopeless unrequited love situations. I used it myself when I believed I was in love with with my married boss for years. Finally, some sort of switch flipped and I decided to actively stop being in love with him and date others with an open heart. It was literally a decision that I made. I also believe that you can choose to get to know someone better or not. Getting to know someone can lead to falling in love or not. But with deciding to get to know someone or date them, you are making an active decision or choice.
PratyekaYana Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I would argue that it is not only possible to choose the person for whom you feel love but essential that one do so. The kind of "love" that commonly enters into conversation isn't deserving of its namesake by my estimation. It is typically just a heightened emotional response produced out of one's nigh-obsessional attachment to another person for some perceived quality or condition. True, self-sacrificial love has to be actively cultivated; you have to work at creating the condition of heart and mind that can support it. Otherwise it doesn't develop.
EasyHeart Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I disagree with that statement. Which statement do you disagree with? You don't HAVE to come to my wedding; I was just trying to be nice!
Casablanca Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I also believe that you can choose to get to know someone better or not. Getting to know someone can lead to falling in love or not. But with deciding to get to know someone or date them, you are making an active decision or choice. So you could HINDER finding someone you are in love with...but you cant just look at someone and decide to love them and be attracted to them...when getting to know them you you are searching for that connection that either exists or does not exist and does not depend on you choosing for it to exist.
LittleTiger Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I agree. But most people here, I believe, correlate love and infatuation. No, love and infatuation are entirely different and anyone who's ever had a long term relationship knows that. This question is impossible to give a definitive answer to as most people can't agree on what 'falling in love' actually means.
madjac74 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 No, love and infatuation are entirely different and anyone who's ever had a long term relationship knows that. . They are different but aren't they very much the same? They both have the same symptoms
LittleTiger Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 They are different but aren't they very much the same? They both have the same symptoms Symptoms? Lol! That makes it sound like an illness . I suppose infatuation could be described that way but not love. They're not the same to me at all. I've experienced all manner of relationships and emotions within those relationships and I think infatuation and love are very different. I've been wildly infatuated with a man I didn't even like very much and certainly didn't love and I've lusted after men I had no cerebral interest in whatsoever. I loved my exH very much although being 'in love' with him waxed and waned throughout our marriage. I was never infatuated with him and never really lusted after him though. Now I'm 'in love' with a man I love, admire, lust after, respect and like enormously. Was I infatuated with him in the beginning? Yes, definitely! The infatuation wore off though as I got to know the real man and then I fell 'in love'. I think it's important to learn to distinguish the difference between all the these feelings (within yourself) so that you don't mistake infatuation for love and find yourself in a bad relationship.
madjac74 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Symptoms? Lol! That makes it sound like an illness . I suppose infatuation could be described that way but not love. They're not the same to me at all. I've experienced all manner of relationships and emotions within those relationships and I think infatuation and love are very different. I've been wildly infatuated with a man I didn't even like very much and certainly didn't love and I've lusted after men I had no cerebral interest in whatsoever. I loved my exH very much although being 'in love' with him waxed and waned throughout our marriage. I was never infatuated with him and never really lusted after him though. Now I'm 'in love' with a man I love, admire, lust after, respect and like enormously. Was I infatuated with him in the beginning? Yes, definitely! The infatuation wore off though as I got to know the real man and then I fell 'in love'. I think it's important to learn to distinguish the difference between all the these feelings (within yourself) so that you don't mistake infatuation for love and find yourself in a bad relationship. Sometimes I think it is an illness! haha! I'm not sure there is a worse disease than catching the love bug. At least most illnesses have medicine or a cure But the reason you know the difference between love and infatuation is due to experience. What if you are one of these confused college kids who come on here looking for "love" advice? 99% of their relationships are infatuation yet they are totally convinced they are "in love". I guess the big question is how to tell the difference when they are so similar. How do you know it's a terminal disease or just a cold? haha
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