EasyHeart Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 You can't choose who you're attracted to, but you can definitely choose who you fall in love with.
Casablanca Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 You can't choose who you're attracted to, but you can definitely choose who you fall in love with. How so? I dont think one can choose who they fall in love with...now one can hinder it, but I can just find some random person and make myself fall in love with them
rafallus Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 You can't choose, who you fall for, but you can choose not to act on it.
Ayla Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I don't think that you can choose who you fall in love with... there is a saying "True love can not be found where it truely does not exists, nor can it be hidden where it truely does" I do believe that some people try and hide or hinder their love for whatever reason though, but eventually it comes out some way or another.
Cee Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Even if love isn't a choice - I pretend it is. I'd rather be an actor in my romantic narrative than a victim or some passive Sleeping Beauty type.
grkBoy Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Agree or disagree? I agree...but I DISAGREE when one says this: "You can't choose who you find attractive." I disagree with that statement based on the millions who find "bad people" attractive for so long until they get burned enough and end up finding a "good person" attractive who doesn't come "packaged" as the "bad person". Seen guys who love leggy blondes with nice boobs, but after being burned enough times by the wrong ones, they're suddenly going after a short-haired brunette who brings him homemade soup when he's sick. Same deal with women who spend years chasing douchebags and end up marrying a nice guy.
Lilmisus Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I agree to an extent. I think I mainly agree with EasyHeart since you can't really choose, but you can choose whether or not to act. If you don't make any moves based on your emotions, how far in love with you really fall?
motive2002 Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Even if love isn't a choice - I pretend it is. I'd rather be an actor in my romantic narrative than a victim or some passive Sleeping Beauty type. LS doesn't have a "like" button.... but I like this post
coolheadal Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 It happens or it doesn't happen. Like flipping a coin "tails you loose and heads you win"
LittleTiger Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Agree 100% but I really wish you could - there would be so many more happy couples in the world if it was possible to choose.
smudge21 Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Yep, agree totally. My life would've been easier the last year if I'd not fallen for my ex but just kept her as a friend. I never chose it or did anything to encourage it... it just happened.
Kamille Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 (edited) Disagree. I consider myself blessed that I met bf, but I did choose to date him and get to know him. From those two choices stemmed the consequence of falling in love. Love doesn't happen overnight. Add to that the fact that before meeting bf I chose to not date other men, or chose to cut other relationship short and I would say choice plays a huge role in who we fall in love with. If I had stuck around with the guy who couldn't ever plan a date, I wouldn't have been open to meeting bf. Finding the right person is the result of a hundred other choices. Edited September 11, 2011 by Kamille
Casablanca Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Disagree. I consider myself blessed that I met bf, but I did choose to date him and get to know him. From those two choices stemmed the consequence of falling in love. Love doesn't happen overnight. Add to that the fact that before meeting bf I chose to not date other men, or chose to cut other relationship short and I would say choice plays a huge role in who we fall in love with. Finding the right person is the result of a hundred other choices. Yes, but you cant just make someone be "the right person"....there is something about them that you become attracted to that you had no control over...sure you agreed to go on a date with him, and if you didnt, that hindered you finding someone you love...but you fell in love with him...you didnt just decide to flip a switch and love him after he met some criteria.
Kamille Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Yes, but you cant just make someone be "the right person"....there is something about them that you become attracted to that you had no control over...sure you agreed to go on a date with him, and if you didnt, that hindered you finding someone you love...but you fell in love with him...you didnt just decide to flip a switch and love him after he met some criteria. Yes, because I believed I was worthy of love. I believed I shouldn't settle for anything but a great relationship. Yes, I have that with him. But my point is that I made choices that made me available to have that with him. I was open to falling in love, with the right person, if he ever showed up. And lucky me, he did show up.
LittleTiger Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Yes, because I believed I was worthy of love. I believed I shouldn't settle for anything but a great relationship. Yes, I have that with him. But my point is that I made choices that made me available to have that with him. I was open to falling in love, with the right person, if he ever showed up. And lucky me, he did show up. You make it sound as though 'falling in love' is a conscious decision - it isn't. You might be in exactly the right place in your life, with exactly the right mind set and doing all the right things - you might even meet some of the most wonderful, kind, generous and lovely 'possible partners' you could ever hope to meet - but you can't choose to have romantic feelings for someone if they're just not there!
Kamille Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 You make it sound as though 'falling in love' is a conscious decision - it isn't. You might be in exactly the right place in your life, with exactly the right mind set and doing all the right things - you might even meet some of the most wonderful, kind, generous and lovely 'possible partners' you could ever hope to meet - but you can't choose to have romantic feelings for someone if they're just not there! Who says romantic feelings are not there? Of course I have romantic feelings for boyfriend. I wouldn't settle for less. But I still disagree with the notion that we don't choose who we fall in love with. It isn't a conscious choice, but it's the result of many little decisions. It's believing in love enough not to settle for anything less than true love, the kind that is generous, kind and provides happiness. I guess I'm opposed to the idea that we are powerless over love that makes us miserable. Given a choice between serenity, happiness and peace of mind or being in a relationship that makes me miserable, I know I would choose happiness. Why would anyone stay in a relationship that makes them miserable? True love doesn't make you (general you) miserable.
LittleTiger Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I guess I'm opposed to the idea that we are powerless over love that makes us miserable. Given a choice between serenity, happiness and peace of mind or being in a relationship that makes me miserable, I know I would choose happiness. Why would anyone stay in a relationship that makes them miserable? True love doesn't make you (general you) miserable. I think perhaps we're 'arguing' from different perspectives. I agree that you can choose not to love someone who treats you badly and loving yourself is a good way to guard against that. However, what I'm saying is that you can't choose to fall in love with someone just because they happen to seem like Mr or Ms Perfect in every other way.
coolheadal Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Okay say you have a nice guy that treats you special and goes out of his way to help you out. Sometimes the doctor effect goes into play. Women of today are much different than years ago. No body wants to fall in love any more.. It's just SEX rock and roll. Let's make Love no more it's been replaced with Let's get it on!, Let's do it!, I am ready now!, Timber!, Jump in! Yeah!
dasein Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 You can never choose what infatuates you, but after a certain level of experience in life IMO you absolutely can choose who you allow yourself to love. Love is a verb, not a state of being.
LittleTiger Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 You can never choose what infatuates you, but after a certain level of experience in life IMO you absolutely can choose who you allow yourself to love. Love is a verb, not a state of being. We're talking about 'falling in love' not 'loving'. They are two different things. You can indeed choose to 'love' someone (using love as a verb) but you have to 'feel' the desire to do so in the first place. Loving someone that you're not 'in love' with is generally what people call 'settling'.
dasein Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 We're talking about 'falling in love' not 'loving'. They are two different things. You can indeed choose to 'love' someone (using love as a verb) but you have to 'feel' the desire to do so in the first place. Loving someone that you're not 'in love' with is generally what people call 'settling'. OK well then since the phrase "falling in love" is a semantic nullity, much more precisely described by the term "infatuation," let's toss out the more ambiguous term altogether, and stick to "love" versus "infatuation." As one matures, one realizes that infatuation is a fleeting, chemical response that never ever lasts. It is possible for it to fade and resurge in cycles, sure, but such an ephemeral feeling is more suited to Hollywood and novels, not hanging one's hat on in real life. When one's mind ceases to be clouded by infatuation, and one chooses to love a person for what they are, and reaffirms that choice over time, that's something that can last for life. Love isn't something that "just happens" to you. Infatuation is.
LittleTiger Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 OK well then since the phrase "falling in love" is a semantic nullity, much more precisely described by the term "infatuation," let's toss out the more ambiguous term altogether, and stick to "love" versus "infatuation." As one matures, one realizes that infatuation is a fleeting, chemical response that never ever lasts. It is possible for it to fade and resurge in cycles, sure, but such an ephemeral feeling is more suited to Hollywood and novels, not hanging one's hat on in real life. When one's mind ceases to be clouded by infatuation, and one chooses to love a person for what they are, and reaffirms that choice over time, that's something that can last for life. Love isn't something that "just happens" to you. Infatuation is. From previous experience, I'm fairly certain that you and I will never agree but this is how I see it: 'Falling in love' is not the same as 'infatuation'. Infatuation is 'lust' based on physical attraction alone and may never lead to any feelings of genuine love. 'Falling in love' is when you start to love someone that you are physically attracted to. When you realise that this person who makes you go weak at the knees is actually someone you also really like and greatly respect. Someone who may be very compatible and a possible long term partner. Sometimes the infatuation and the lust are there without the like and the respect and that's when the relationship is damaging and miserable. Sometimes the like and the respect are there without the physical attraction and that's when two people become friends and nothing more. When the ingredients of physical attraction, like and respect are present and you start to 'fall in love', then you make a conscious decision to 'love' that person. So I believe that 'falling in love' is not a choice.
coolheadal Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 If it's not by choice then it just happens and you know when it happens. The question is? How does the other person feel do they feel the same for this magic to start a spark or not? Just can't have one person in love with the other and the other is not in love with you so deeply. I bet if you go out into a park or crowded mall you won't see so many couples holding their hands in a love lock.
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