czen Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I'm really confused right now, yesterday I broke up with my girlfriend with whom I had a month long relationship. She was my first real girlfriend and it was a LDR (two hour trip). We began a relationship really quick, during our first date and prior to that first date we taked online for a month or so. But like I said, we've broken up. She told me she had doubts because she didn't think she was in love with me, and she wanted to see other people. I didn't feel the need to see other people, I actually thought I was falling in love with her. But I can't force a girl to be n a relationship, so I told her we should better break up and continue dating while also seeing other people. And then maybe in the near future we will fall in love with each other and restart our relationship. Now, I told her I wouldn't have a real problem if she would see other people, but in my mind I wasn't really happy with it. So I really expected to have a bit of a heartbreak, beacuse, like I said, I thought I was falling for her. But after I put her on the train back home , I still didn't feel any pain. I was waiting for it to come, but it didn't. I'm actually looking forward to seeing other people. But on the other hand, if she would call me up this instant and say she'd made a mistake, I would take her back. So I'm really confused, should I still date with this girl and look where it goes as during the relationship I really had a few moments where I thought I was falling for her, or should I be happy we broke things off as the lack of any sort of heartbreak is an indicative of that I'll never feel any true feelings for her?
smudge21 Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I'll take a stab at this one. Maybe (and note I said maybe) you're feeling okay because in the back of your mind you see it as not really broken up. You've both admitted to seeing others and then seeing if the relationship can work later on. It's not as if either of you have really said goodbye, more "see you later", if you get me. So now both your heart and head is seeing this like a holiday - yeah you're not going to see each other for a while but you will at some point, in the meantime both of you will be looking elsewhere. So maybe you will start getting those feelings but maybe you'll meet someone else who'll work better for you, same for her. That's just my opinion on it.
silly_panda Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 In my humble opinion, you didn't feel any pain is because the period you were with her is very short and you two haven't go to the intimacy level (physical) yet... And the real love hasn't come in... It normally does when after the honeymoon phase and when you are in the attachment phase... That's when that real love comes out involving trust, commitment, communication, respect, acceptance, etc... You don't have to be confused though... You are single now..! Go enjoy life, find the girl of your life (whoever she might be)... And be happy... 1
Author czen Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 Yeah, both of you make sense... I was wondering, do you also think that we started a relationship too soon (one month talking online, one date, no real true feelings, but we did really like each other)? I'm asking this because I'm wondering how the chances are of us getting back together. Like I said, I think I was beginning to fall for her, but apparantly her feelings didn't really develop since the start. She told me that when we started a relationship, the true feelings would follow, but clearly, so far they haven't. I'm a real novice to love and relationships and so is she, she has never felt in love with someone before and we both never had a relationship before either. So considering we've known each other online for one month and another month while seeing each other every weekends, is it unlikely that she will develop true feelings for me? Or is it normal that it takes a longer time? I know this is probably a hard question as everybody is different and thus the one falls sooner in love than the other, but I'm really wondering about this. Oh and @smudge: I will try to have a good time, but in the back of my head I will probably be thinking how much I liked her and how compatible we are...but yeah, I'll try to concentrate on having fun and meeting other people.
silly_panda Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 There is actually no 'too early' to be in a relationship... If both parties feel like it, they just start... On the chances of getting together side, yea... You do have... The question is that do you really wanna be with her..? I mean do you feel like you always wanna see her..? Do you think of her before you sleep and first thing when you wake up..? Do you feel happy when you get a text from her..? If you say yes to most of these stuff, then yea... You really like her... I guess I don't really need to tell you all these... You will know when you really like someone... Good luck man... Keep us updated...
Author czen Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 There is actually no 'too early' to be in a relationship... If both parties feel like it, they just start... On the chances of getting together side, yea... You do have... The question is that do you really wanna be with her..? I mean do you feel like you always wanna see her..? Do you think of her before you sleep and first thing when you wake up..? Do you feel happy when you get a text from her..? If you say yes to most of these stuff, then yea... You really like her... I guess I don't really need to tell you all these... You will know when you really like someone... Good luck man... Keep us updated... Now I've read this post, I'm actually becoming surer and surer that it was a good idea to break things off. Sure, I thought a lot about her and I looked forward to seeing her, and it was the highlight of my week when I spent time with her. But it wasn't like that I coudn't stop thinking about her, isn't that how being in love is supposed to feel like? On the other hand, I definitely think I could've fallen in love with her, as I have a lot of chemistry with her, I'm attracted to her, I really, really respect her, I was beginning to really care for her, etc. I'm a bit afraid of the future, as what will happen as my feelings for her develop and hers doesn't. That can get a bit painful...but that's probably a risk I have to take. It didn't look really good yesterday though. I asked her what her reaction would've been if I'd cheaten on her. She told me she wouldn't have liked it and be disappointed, but she wouldn't have been mad. And yes I'll keep you posted on the developments.
jrstar1860 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 If this is your first relationship I suggest looking for someone else. 2 hours is quiet a bit away to be honest. I mean unless you feel like you guy's will work go for it but you could always find someone an hour or less away that you can spend way more time with, although spending ALOT of time get's bad sometime's. My expierences with long distance relationships has always sucked so I tend to pick my women wisely, or try to haha. Hmmm, either facebook some girls and get to know them or hit the mall or something up! Seeing a girl for more then once or twice a week when starting a relationship is overkill for me if they want more it's usually time to end it.
Author czen Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 Yeah, you're probably right about that. Funny thing is, I always tell my friends that you should NEVER do a long distance relationship...and look at me now.
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