I'm new. Relationship problem.

[RR12]

Hi. I just joined this in a desperate attempt to get some advice. I really have no close female friends to confide in and seek advice. No, I'm not some loser with no friends. I have friends but not close enough to talk about this kind of stuff with. Let's just say, my close female friends are promiscuous and aren't exactly people I can vent to about what I'm about to discuss here.

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We met about a month and a half after his last relationship ended. At first I thought I was going to be a fling and then he was going to get back with his ex. Well turns out I wasn't a fling after all which was good and our relationship continued. He claimed he was over her and blah blah blah, yet he was still looking up her stuff on facebook and twitter. I had confronted him about this several times. He claimed he would stop but continued doing so. It pissed me off because he told me he was over her, yet he didn't act like he was while snooping through her stuff. He eventually "grew up" and recently promised to not do it again and prevent her from making contact with him (she used to text him here and there basically talking ****).

 

We have talked about our sexual history before like how many people we've been with, what have we tried sexually, etc. During this discussion, I was open to what he had to say. I knew what I was getting myself into while asking such things, but I was open to it. Everything we talked about, I was ok with it and I accepted it. Then the question of anal came up. I said no I've never tried it and he said he hadn't either.

 

Last week myself, my boyfriend and his room mate we somehow got on the topic of sex and our sexual histories. He mentioned stuff I had already knew about UNTIL the room mate had to ask if he had ever participated in anal sex. He answered yes while this whole entire time I thought he never did. It pissed me off because he had lied about it to me. The entire time I was going by the fact that he hadn't done anything like that. It came as a shock/surprise too since he's so ewwwwy (I can't think of a better word, forgive me) like the sight of a clean tampon makes him want to barf. He casually answered the room mate, which is another reason why it pissed me off. He couldn't be real and honest with ME, yet he answered casually to his room mate. He claims he isn't proud that he did it TWICE, yet he was ok with answering to someone else.

 

I know it happened in the past, long before me and we didn't even know each other, but it had to be with his recent ex of all people. I can't stand the bitch because she created all this drama when my boyfriend and I first started dating. She reminds me a lot of an ex friend who I severed ties with so much, which further fuels my hate towards her. I'm not jealous of what her and my boyfriend had. They were constantly fighting, his family despised her, she smoked a lot of weed, drank like a fish, etc. Yeah....who would be absolutely jealous of that? Not me. I despise her because of the fact he claimed he was over her, yet looked up her **** online, AND his friends always brought her up. To this day, some of his friends still bring her up.

 

So my problem is I feel disgusted finding out just now he had anal sex with this bitch (ex girlfriend) and I'm frustrated and hurt because he couldn't be honest with me about it from the get-go. I never mention my exes or give him any reason to think about my past simply because I keep it there. It makes me cringe and I don't even want to be intimate with him sexually anymore. I'm also worried that this will be a barrier and I won't be able to accept his past with this chick, therefore, end up breaking up. It sounds stupid to break up over a reason such as this, which is why I want to get past this and move on and not let this stupid **** from the past get in the way. Because I'm upset about it, I don't think I can think clearly. What should I do? Please help me. Thanks in advance.

[RedRedMe]

There a couple of reasons he may have lied. If you brought it up first and mentioned that you had never done anal, he might have felt pressured to say the same in case it might upset you. Does this make it ok? No. However, that can be easier to forgive.

 

I don't know this guy but are there other things he could be lying about? Guys make me nervous when they lie about their sexual past. Do get checked just to be on the safe side. Has he ever lied about anything before or after this?

 

If he does have other issues with lying and you are uncomfortable in this relationship then you should either fix it or leave. Don't leave because of that one lie. Also, guys can be neat freaks but when it comes to sex they simply don't care. A lot of guys are obsessed with the idea of anal sex which can explain why he would have done it in the first place. Guys also love to brag about it because not a lot of girls are willing to do it. It's all very stupid to me but I'm not a guy. He must have forgot that he lied to you and was eager to brag to his buddy. This happens. Set your own boundaries, let him know that lying is never acceptable and see where it goes from there.