I Have An Overprotective Fiancee

[Shaw86]

Hi guys

 

I seem to be having a problem with my fiancée (Mandy) and I would like some advice. As some of you might already know from my previous threads she is the first real girlfriend I have had since I was sixteen. My girlfriend and best friend of eleven years passed away in a car accident and I went through years of depression, I tried to commit suicide, became an alcoholic and got addicted to cocaine but I got my life back together. I then fell in love with another woman called Rachel who was my best friend but she was a lesbian and we lived together for close to two years. She passed away in another car accident too on the way home from her cousin's house in January.

 

I stopped dating women for eight years because one part of me thought if I did I would be cheating on Jessica (my first girlfriend) and another part of me thought I was too broken and nobody would want to waste their time on me. I blamed myself for Jessica's death and so did my so-called friends at the time because her father was driving her to my house when it happened. She was like my soul mate and we were attached to each other. Nobody was there for me when it happened and my parents treated me like crap. They knew how she meant to me but they just didn't care.

 

I was a disappointment in my parents' eyes from the day I was born. Having Autism, ADHD and OCD made them hate me and it was hard for me too. Some kids get allowance, some get acceptance, some get love but all I got was the back of my father's hand. When I was younger he would call me a mistake and he'd constantly criticise me for being too 'girly.' I didn't play enough sports, I didn't show any interest in cars, I would cry when he hit me instead of taking it like a man, I didn't have enough male friends and I would hang around with Jessica and the other girls too much.

 

Jessica knew about this and she would stand up to him sometimes and he would hit her too until she told her parents and then he never laid another finger on us again. From then on it was emotional abuse and it messed up my head. I tried to make him proud of me but no matter what I did I always failed in his eyes. Basically I have had a lot of problems over the years (more than I care to share) and they have lead to me having low self esteem issues.

 

Mandy has managed to see through all of this though and she is always saying I am a great guy and she loves me. She's turned my whole life around and she brings out the best in me. I have started writing songs and poetry again, performing and I've just been offered a job as a music journalist. I owe all of this to Mandy and I am forever going to be in her debt because she has diminished the tension inside of me. I love her more than anything in this world and the only problem I have is she is very protective of me and watches me like a hawk when she is around.

 

When I used to work at my old job I would often get into arguments with some of the blokes there who kept asking me personal questions about my relationship with Mandy such as if I had sex with her. At the time I hadn't and one of them told me "if that hot bitch was mine" they would be "****ing her every night." I felt like smashing his coffee over his head but I kept my cool because I got involved in enough fights after I lost Jessica. I don't drive because of what happened so Mandy would drive me to and from work and she would come in at lunch to spend time with me there.

 

To say Mandy is attractive is an understatement. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen - she used to be a model when she was in her early twenties but she gave it up and became a visual artist. I don't know what she is doing with me sometimes because I don't see myself as a great looking guy but she says I am cute. She is very down to earth and altruistic. One day I got into an argument with one of the blokes at my work and he pushed me on the ground at lunch. Before I could do anything though Mandy got in his face and she beat him up. I had no idea she was that strong but I later found out she had been through some very abusive relationships and learned how to defend herself.

 

I ended up losing my job and wanting to protect Mandy I said it was me who beat him up and not wanting to admit he got beaten up by a woman the bloke went with it. Mandy said I was too good for the place anyway and I could easily find a better job with my talents. She also said what she did was wrong but she couldn't stand seeing me get hurt. She's stronger than me and I am not embarrassed to admit that because she is stronger than a lot of blokes twice my size.

 

We live together so it's hard for me to hide anything from her but this is one of the few sites I visit that she doesn't know about. I got into a fight with somebody on a music forum yesterday and she joined too and told them off. I asked a few questions on Yahoo Answers and she found them, joined the site too and now she wants to know everything I am writing on there. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but I don't need her to protect me so much. I can look after myself and I want her to know this but I don't want to offend her because I love her. Apart from this she is everything I have ever dreamed of finding in another woman and I am a lucky guy being with her because how many girls would want to date a guy who has been through what I have been through.

 

What do you guys think I should do?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Shaw, you sound like a really intelligent, articulate man and I'm so happy you could overcome so many hardships in your life. What a testiment to your strength. Just be honest with Mandy about how you feel. One day while you're making dinner together or doing some activity together tell her how much she means to you, and how you love her strength and spirit, but there are some battles you need fight for yourself. Reminder her of everything you came through and that you love that she's protective of you but some things you need to figure out for yourself.