going to contact her one last time but want first

[livingitup23]

I'm a mess. I want to send her a text saying "I'm sorry for everything I've done and said. I please want a second chance. It's only been two days since you got with this guy" I love you and would do anything for you. Please please please give us a second chance. What do you want me to do?" Is this a bad idea. My last text to her said I don't want to be anyone's second choice and I don't but it's unbearable her being with someone. I want her and I adore her. What happens if she takes my text at face value and never contacts me again? I've done everything in my power to get her back and she's chosen him but if the damage is already done couldn't I at least send her one text so if she's ever having any doubts about him she will turn to me. I don't want to be a second choice but with the last text I sent her saying I'm no ones second choice dont come back to me and I don't want to be friends with a liar doesnt that mean a reconciliation is ever on the cards. I've also thought about getting a mutual friend to tell her what she's done to me and to tell her it's not too late too change her mind. She's off on holiday for two weeks, not with her current bf thankgod on Tuesday so if I maybe wait until then to send her this text she might come back having thought. I could say "I know your on holiday but I love you so much and I want a second chance at things. Just tell me what you want and I'll do it. How will I ever know that she's regretted missing out on me after sending her that text? What about if 6 months down the line she wants me back but knowing her personality she won't tell me what she actually feels due to her assuming she will get rejected? I'm still so so confused and need help. I want her back and I want her to see the error of her ways but I don't want her to push her away but I also need her to realise that if she realises her mistake that I would be willing to put the past to bed. I think I'll get my mutual friend to send her a text obviously he will tell her what I'm thinking but from his "point of view" and tell her how much I love her, how upset I am and that he thinks we would still work. It could be the last throw of the dice and then I send her a text when she's on holiday telling her how I feel one more time. Then I go no contact for ever and just maybe one day she'll be in touch

[Dark Phoenix]

This screams BAD IDEA.

 

look at the messages you want to send her.

 

 

You would be better off just sending a message saying "Hi, I'm needy, Desperate, and am begging you for a second chance"

 

Not attractive... Stay NC

[livingitup23]

My aim is to one day get her back though so how is she going to know I want her back after the last text I sent her? What about getting my mutual friend to text her? Is that a bad idea ?

[livingitup23]

But I hate her for the pain I'm going through but I can't stand the fact she's happy and in love with someone else. What about if this is the real deal? So the only way to get he back now is to just wait and if she does want me deep down she will fight for me?

[M2155]

Dude, go immediately to your phone and DELETE her number!!!

 

You will NOT get her back by sending this text. You will look desperate. You gave her an ultimatum and now going back on it saying please...so she knows not to believe you when you say you're letting go. You are not looking like a strong, attractive man right now. You are begging and neither of you would be happy if she chose you because she feels sorry for you. You arelady said she isn't responding so that is another reason contacting her is NOT going to help.

 

You really can't get her back, at least not without a long cooling period for you both to collect and evaluate your relationship and feelings and for her relationship to run its course. The only thing you can do is leave her alone and work on yourself. If she wants you back, she will contact you (she's not deleting your number because a) she knows you are there when she wants you and b) she wants to avoid your calls/messages). It will get her attention more that you've suddenly disappeared and maybe she'll start to wonder about you. While she may never come back, you know she definitely won't if you keep throwing yourself at her.

 

It's easier said than done, we know. But please, delete the number!!!

[livingitup23]

Right I have my closure now. She didnt ever love me to the extent that I did and as a result I whinged at her and was abusive to her in texts after I'd gone out drinking. I was truly and madly in love with her and after we ended it was just a cycle of us meeting up, me wanting her back, getting rejected and then being abusive. She wasnt the nicest person in the world but I let her get to me and I can see now why she chose someone else. I just don't want to hate her so this is what I sent her and I hope you all agree it was a good idea. I sent it partly to resist temptation to send her anything in the future, partly to get my closure, partly to make sure she realises I have no hard feelings, and partly to get her to come back after a while because I must admit I havent been the greatest catch to her and looking back I would probably have gone to someone else after the breakup, and I have, just not a fully blown relationship so I'm being hypocritical as well. But yeah I need to change before embarking on a relationship with anyone! Here's the text.

 

"I'm really sorry for how I've been with you the last 4 months. The stuff I have said has been childish and completely out of order. It's no excuse you were my first love and I wanted you to love me back but I have to respect the fact you don't. I honestly need to start growing up and not being a big baby just because you don't want to be with me. I'm going to do my best to change and if you ever change your mind you should be in touch. Obviously you have a new life now and it would be too painful for me to be friends but maybe after a lot of time has passed we can be. I honestly hope you are happy with your new boyfriend and I hope you have a nice holiday. I'm going to concentrate on passing my test and I'm going to stop going out so much because I am a dick when I've drunk. You mean a lot to me and I would hope that if you ever realised you wanted more you would tell me. I'll say goodbye for now but hopefully not for ever and I promise that I won't be nasty via texts anymore. Thanks for some good memories hun xxxxxxxxxxx

 

I see it as both our faults that the relationship ended but I had to send this text to her. I would have gone crazy if I hadn't. I could just not leave it with I don't want you anymore if I'm second choice or I don't want to be friends. At least this way she will realise I'm willing to change and she might reconsider me in the future. I've driven her away I genuinely believe and it will be a lesson in life for my future relationships if anything in how not to treat a woman and how not to embrace a breakup. I am genuinely sorry for how I treated her via texts. I am a man and no man should stoop to that behaviour. I've had no reply but I don't want one and I feel really good about myself that I have my closure. I won't be contacting her again because that would just make me look weird and I'm going to see this as the spur which made me change my life. Pass my driving test, get into good shape, eat better, stop drinking less because I am nasty when I have drunk, start saving more money, look for a better job etc... And who knows when she's seen I've changed maybe that will help her reconsider her feelings. I'm not counting on it but my behaviour has'nt done me any favours with and I won't be looking at my phone all the time. I'll know if she wants me back won't I?

[livingitup23]

I'm disappearing now. I've said what I need to say and this is the best I've felt for a while.

[Portisphish]

Yes. You will know, but it's the hope that kills you, too. You sounds so young, and out makes me feel so immature to realize I'm acting like you. I never acted badly towards my ex...I just wasn't enough...the not letting go is what I can't handle. You are young. Learn from the mistakes you made. Look at what the relationship really was. Did she ever have the same feelings for you that you did for her? Don't make someone responsible for your happiness. Take responsibility for your own happiness. You have some great things to work on. Write them down. I'm doing that today for myself. One day at a time. Maybe make a goal for every day. Make mid term and long term goals also. You aren't this needy person. Don't show her that you are. Find your sense of worth without out having to come from someone else.

 

These are things I'm telling myself, also. We can do it!

 

The alternative is an ugly version of ourselves that we don't want.

[livingitup23]

So anyone think it was a nice message to send and the right thing to do? I've got my closure. I am going no contact but her last impression of me was of someone who was willing to change and be happy for her, and if circumstances change to try again with her. I've accepted that she's gone so won't be trying to change her mind, I've blocked her on Facebook but that hope will always be there. She's my first real love.

[jrstar1860]

You sound just like me 3-4 months ago... I don't wanna sound like a douche to you but trust me, you didn't get your closure. Lol. Right now you think ya do but after a couple day's your gonna start wondering "what if" and alot of it.... I suggest getting rid of the number, avoinding private calls, etc. Go NC for a few weeks and if she can't stay single then don't talk to her... I did exactly what you did with the message thing trying to put closure to the end and I was the one that got off everything I needed to say in the end and it never did me anything.

 

Let me mind you, this is around june 26? or something along them lines is when I gave her a msg on facebook and thought it was closure. after about a week I was a complete mess and stayed like that till the middle of august or so. The last week i've been doing great, so from expierence, stay away from her, anything showing that your hurting, or that you care is making that girl feel alot better. You want her to hurt? do No contact, i guarantee you'll see a different side of her then. learn to appreciate love

[Mandy 63]

I was in a similar situation. My ex dumped me 3 months ago because ‘he didn’t see us in a long term relationship’. I’ve spoken to, swapped texts with and met him a few times since then after he said he wanted to be friends.

I did try, but being friends with him didn’t work for me, since I started to resent him when he revealed he was seeing someone else within a week of him dumping me. I looked back on the relationship and there were red flags, but I chose to ignore them.

Anyway, I took on the no contact rule and even ignored a few texts from him. Something I’ve never done before.

Fast forward to the present and twice in as many days, he has asked to meet me. Both times I refused because I was busy!!

My mindset now is, why would I want to be with someone who can dump me, even though we had a great relationship? He didn’t think it through obviously and now realises what he's done!!

He didn’t know what he wanted and needed time to think. I gave him that and then some. I had time to think too and don't want someone who can throw something so good away so easily!!

She knows exactly where you are and what you want. Either she will be back or she won’t, but contacting her is not a good idea. The No Contact rule is for you to take a step back and recover from the break up and grow. I guarantee that once you’ve done that, you won’t want her back and that is the time she will want you!!

Write a list of all her bad points and all the bad things she did while you were together. I did that and use to refer to it when I wanted to contact him. It really helps.

Oh yes and bin her number!!

Mandy