PratyekaYana Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I have female acquaintances that are promiscuous beyond belief, yet, more often than not, the men with whom they are involved at any given time are invested in them as potential marriage partners. Somehow, these women manage to convey personal value, worth, and self-esteem (which isn't to say it isn't there to begin with; an "unworthy" woman promiscuity does not make) to their partners in such a way that long term relationships with the intention to wed always appear in the cards. Conversely, I have female friends that are fully in conformity with the standards of social/sexual "propriety" foisted onto them by society (one is a virgin; the others have been with perhaps two partners between the ages of 22 and 30). These are well educated, kind, internally and externally attractive women with good careers and a willingness to go the distance with a suitable partner. The kicker is that not a single one of them has ever been offered marriage or any kind of substantial commitment from the men that they've dated. It almost always boils down to an undesired NSA sexual relationship. What is it that the promiscuous women are projecting that drives men wild for commitment, and what is it that the chaste women are projecting that does exactly the opposite? Why are women similar to the OP always given the short end of the stick?
dasein Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 What is it that the promiscuous women are projecting that drives men wild for commitment, and what is it that the chaste women are projecting that does exactly the opposite? Why are women similar to the OP always given the short end of the stick? It's human nature to want what one can't have or what is hard to get or requires competition to get, but IME, promiscuous women who are very flagrant and notorious are shunned by quality men, who seek out more normal women.
Ginger Beer Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 No. Even, if girl isn't very provocatively dressed, if attractive, male's imagination will do the rest. It does all the time for myself. It can yeah, but I was explaining the difference between being hot and being beautiful or why you might be being called hot or beautiful and that is the most likely reason, especially if it's a first impression. If you know the person it could be down to how they act, how sexually open they are etc. Obviously it's in the male's opinion what she is, but dress sense will sway it either way. http://www.wwe-online-games.info/wwe%20divas/poze/trish%202.jpg http://videokeman.com/image/pics/JojosongPics1K9yLUpvzSGlyFM.jpg Out of the two, who do you think would be more likely to be called hot and beautiful? Wow, how original, a man bashing thread...what next, a man posting a woman bashing thread... I didn't take this as a man-bashing thread, you're coming across like some of the sensitive female posters who scream 'sexism!' every time I state my views on the night club scene. The OP seems like a nice person and deserves a bit of leeway, look at the title, she said she's losing patience with men. That's normal, if you keep getting negative experiences eventually you'll start to lose patience. I don't think there's anything wrong with this thread.
dasein Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Out of the two, who do you think would be more likely to be called hot and beautiful? Brrrr. That first picture actually makes me shudder due to bad experiences in relationships with the fake tit tanning bed Playboy "bombshell" type a couple of times in life. No thanks, never again. It's a deep, visceral repulsion to that look also, when I see it I instinctively feel "hunk of spoiled meat" as opposed to "hot woman." Second picture is better, but even that one has an element of the calculated bombshell look that turns me off.
Casablanca Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I didn't take this as a man-bashing thread, you're coming across like some of the sensitive female posters who scream 'sexism!' every time I state my views on the night club scene. The OP seems like a nice person and deserves a bit of leeway, look at the title, she said she's losing patience with men. That's normal, if you keep getting negative experiences eventually you'll start to lose patience. I don't think there's anything wrong with this thread. I'm just tired of the straight up bitterness that is sweeping this forum, coming from men or women. I'm curious of what you say about the night club scene, because I bet I agree with them and I'm not sure why women would get mad at it because I bet it is an accurate description of the scene The OP said they are reluctant to date because of her experiences....they are starting to generalize every man she dates....it would be no different than me saying I'm reluctant to ask a girl out because she might stop returning my phone calls and texts like many a ladies Maybe I'm just a more positive person than some, a hopeless romantic if you will...I've had my heart stepped on many a times, but that doesnt deter me or make me lose faith in women.
Ginger Beer Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I'm just tired of the straight up bitterness that is sweeping this forum, coming from men or women. I'm curious of what you say about the night club scene, because I bet I agree with them and I'm not sure why women would get mad at it because I bet it is an accurate description of the scene The OP said they are reluctant to date because of her experiences....they are starting to generalize every man she dates....it would be no different than me saying I'm reluctant to ask a girl out because she might stop returning my phone calls and texts like many a ladies Maybe I'm just a more positive person than some, a hopeless romantic if you will...I've had my heart stepped on many a times, but that doesnt deter me or make me lose faith in women. I suppose you're right about the bitterness on this forum, but it's important to remember a lot of us are here because we've been hurt, we should try to be a bit more tolerant of other posters. It can be annoying though, I agree. For my views regarding party goers and night clubs, read this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t294669/
Casablanca Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I suppose you're right about the bitterness on this forum, but it's important to remember a lot of us are here because we've been hurt, we should try to be a bit more tolerant of other posters. It can be annoying though, I agree. I kind of always thought the break and breaking up forum was more for the bitching and the dating forum was more about What should I do on this date How should I ask her out Is she interested How can I get a date Where can I meet people My Bf/gf seems more distant Should I break up with my bf/gf etc
Ginger Beer Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 The break up forum I'd say is the most sensitive out of the two. Posters are more cautious in there.
dasein Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I suppose you're right about the bitterness on this forum, but it's important to remember a lot of us are here because we've been hurt, we should try to be a bit more tolerant of other posters. It can be annoying though, I agree. You bring up a good point, in that many of the people here are hurt due to whatever, I came here after a breakup of a 7 year relationship. What gets me going is that many of the posters with thousands and thousands of posts after their names here seem to just lie in wait to pounce out, harrass and insult other posters whenever someone says anything controversial or counter to established "doctrine." That's sick. Have never seen the level of name-calling and insulting tolerated on any other dating forum that is tolerated here. People who make statements like "you obviously don't deserve to be with anyone" without REALLY good reasons on a DATING forum full of chapped raw and even abused people shouldn't be allowed to post like that.
Ginger Beer Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 You bring up a good point, in that many of the people here are hurt due to whatever, I came here after a breakup of a 7 year relationship. What gets me going is that many of the posters with thousands and thousands of posts after their names here seem to just lie in wait to pounce out, harrass and insult other posters whenever someone says anything controversial or counter to established "doctrine." That's sick. Have never seen the level of name-calling and insulting tolerated on any other dating forum that is tolerated here. People who make statements like "you obviously don't deserve to be with anyone" without REALLY good reasons on a DATING forum full of chapped raw and even abused people shouldn't be allowed to post like that. Yeah I've noticed a few smart arse comments before and it's usually from established posters.
Casablanca Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 You bring up a good point, in that many of the people here are hurt due to whatever, I came here after a breakup of a 7 year relationship. What gets me going is that many of the posters with thousands and thousands of posts after their names here seem to just lie in wait to pounce out, harrass and insult other posters whenever someone says anything controversial or counter to established "doctrine." That's sick. Have never seen the level of name-calling and insulting tolerated on any other dating forum that is tolerated here. People who make statements like "you obviously don't deserve to be with anyone" without REALLY good reasons on a DATING forum full of chapped raw and even abused people shouldn't be allowed to post like that. I came here for the same reason, and I've had some negative posts, but I never targeted it at anyone specific group, just a specific person or two. Saying things like "you dont deserve to be with anyone" is very harsh and shouldnt be allowed
Author Tasha49 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 Wow, how original, a man bashing thread...what next, a man posting a woman bashing thread... If you want to bitch and complain about a few specific men, that is fine, but dont go generalizing the whole gender I could easily change a few things about your post and apply that to my situation with women...that is how similar it is for both sexes You might want to find another pool to find men...if you keep fishing from the same pond, dont be shocked when you keep catching the same type of fish I dont know anything about you to really say this about you, but I know a few female friends that all they do is bitch about how crappy men are, but all they do is go for the guys who look like they could be on Jersey shore and then they are SHOCKED when that guy acts like someone from Jersey Shore and the girls never or rarely give guys like me a chance (cute guys who arent smoking hot)...it always makes me chuckle. Apparently someone is a BIT bitter. Did I say every single guy is a pervert or *******? No... if you read correctly you would have noticed I said many times that I know there are good ones out there. I just haven't found them yet. I never had a target on every man's back. I am saying for ME I just attract the wrong ones and am losing faith in dating. And I already said I can't stand the jersey shore looking dudes. They are not attractive at all to me. Assumptions will get you nowhere...
Author Tasha49 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 For every woman who complains she cant find a man who is not a pervert, there is a man who complains that he cant find a woman who is not a gold digger. Women deal with men who want sex within the first four dates while men deal with women who want to be wined and dined for the first four dates. So, sorry ladies. Cry me a river but Im not sympathizing. Agree... but I am NOT that kind of girl. I pay for myself wherever I go. I very much dislike men paying for me as it makes me feel bad. I never said it was wrong for sex to be on a guys mind. It is in their nature of course. I am saying that I don't want that to be the first thing that they want when meeting me. There is a time and place for it. Which is not within a matter of hours... I have no shame in feeling like I deserve more than that. And if men don't appreciate that, then that is their problem.
Author Tasha49 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 Hey Tasha have you ever thought that maybe its the guys your chosing? What about going after that nice guy who actually likes you and doesn't see you as a piece of meat. Im losing just as much faith in women as well, you can never find any god ones these days. I PREFER the nice guys. I highly dislike the "bad boys" and have only dated one and learned my lesson. Every guy who does seem genuine ends up not being what I am looking for. One guy was really sweet but REALLY boring. Never laughed, never wanted to do anything exciting... he was just so dull so I had to end it. But his intentions were never admittedly sexual and he never pressured me. I gotta have a guy who at least has SOME sense of humor and who doesn't take life so seriously.
Casablanca Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Apparently someone is a BIT bitter. Did I say every single guy is a pervert or *******? No... if you read correctly you would have noticed I said many times that I know there are good ones out there. I just haven't found them yet. I never had a target on every man's back. You did say I'm just reluctant to get out and date again when all the guys I meet want to take me to the bed within hours. Is finding a guy who ISN'T like that impossible for my age? This is what jumped out at me...sounds pretty darn close to a generalization...I've never been reluctant to date again because of a few bad experiences with the opposite sex I guess one could say I am bitter from all the bitterness going around this site at the moment
omkara Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I don't know what's currently going on in this thread other than some miscommunication it seems, but I just have this to say (I hope it helps, Tasha, and anyone else suffering from the same issues): So I am not really looking to date. I just got out of a crappy situation with a guy for the last year and a half. I am open to the idea of eventually finding someone but I definitely don't want to look for them. Maybe when one finds me and he seems decent, I will give it a go. Everyone seems to have that mentality these days. I used to think like that, and as a result, I was alone for a very long time. Of course there will always be someone interested in you, but will they approach you with their interest? Think of all the people who would've loved to get to know you better, but were to shy or timid to take initiative. Perhaps "the man of your dreams" was sitting right beside you at a cafe, but thought you looked too busy to spark a conversation. Stuff like that happens all the time, I should know, because I usually am that guy. Perhaps those kind of men are more "your type," and you should engage in conversation with them. I'm in no way saying you have to always put yourself out there for people; if you're not interested, you're not interested. But if you're going to wait for someone to "find you," just keep in mind not everyone is straightforward with their feelings. And it's not guaranteed that the person who does come looking for you, will be your best match either. But here is the problem: 80% of the men who show interest in me end up wanting to sleep with me within a matter of hours. Or when I talk with them they make stupid comments about perverted stuff and act like they are kidding but I can sense the seriousness in the back of their minds and a slight glimpse in their eyes. Most men I come across wantto hook up with me. I hate it![/Quote]So what's the problem again? I'm assuming you're attractive. You should be flattered, but know when to draw the line. They'll step down once they know you're not easily obtainable like all the other attractive girls they've encountered, and perhaps they'll even change and try to get to know you more. What happened to getting to know a person first? Is life just all about sex now? I really hate it.Life isn't all about sex. But sex is a part of life. And it'll always remain a part of life, not the whole thing. Sex is the most physical interaction you can have with another person, and the most physical way of "getting to know" someone. The keyword being: physical. Sex, as taboo as it seems for some, shouldn't be completely thrown out the window; it serves its purpose. However, being able to interact mentally is more significant for establishing a healthy/working relationship. Unfortunately, people in general (not just men) aren't interested in taking things to that level of commitment. I personally don't care for mental interaction unless it's going to be worth my while. And most of the time, it's not. Mainly because just like most men, most women also lack depth and imagination. And there are certain forces that can be held to blame for that, but I rather not get into it. I digress! In most cases, some people think they're already at that level of commitment and understanding of one another, way before they actual are, and then they do irrational things, like move in together, get married and have a child, only to find out a couple years later, when they're filing out the divorce papers, that they never quite understood each other after all. I am 21 and have the mind frame of a much older, mature woman. Well, in the sense of needs. I hate partying. All everyone does is get drunk and skip from one person to the other in hopes that eventually one will put out. I know how to have a good time and am social at parties but still it is not my scene. All men want to do is hook up with me cause they think I am hot. So I really don't want to date a partier. But it seems like that is all I ever come across.This is all very elementary, my dear Tasha: If you go to the party, then be prepared to deal with the partygoers. There are plenty of people with mindsets similar to yours, and don't put out to just anybody. But there are even MORE people who aren't like you. And guess what? They all love to party hardy. So don't be surprised when you run into every douche on the face of the earth when you go out to those places. I have plenty of friends who think they're going to find love in a club-like environments, in which I say, "nuttin' but hoes and tricks"; referring to men as well. I know. It sucks. You're not alone. It's like, you either a) go to the party and weave through a bunch of hoes and tricks to find one decent conversation, if you're lucky, or b) stay home and sulk because you have no social life. And then there's my personal favorite, which is option C: stay at the party and BS with drunkards. Of course that will always make me cool with the guys, but rarely does it get me anywhere with the ladies... well, ok, it does, but not the ones I'm interested in pursuing a meaningful relationship with. I'm sorry you feel that your options are limited. I might suggest arranging/attending smaller get-togethers that aren't as obnoxious, with some people you know (and maybe a few you'd like to know). I hate hook-ups. I never understood how people enjoy sleeping with people they don't even know. I just want to sleep with somebody I know and love. But nowadays the men I come across just don't want that. I want monogamy. I want seriousness.Hook ups are really nothing but selfish attempts to satisfy ones sexual desires; both parties are usually in agreement with having sex, or at least have an idea that it's going to happen at some point. It's kind of setup so no one gets their feelings hurt. This usually works for some people who, for whatever reason, aren't ready for seriousness or monogamy; but their reluctance doesn't make them bad people in the slightest sense. However, people who need their relationship to have more meaning, tend to have a hard time understanding the concept of sleeping with someone they barely know. I'm 22 and just now getting eased into the idea of "casual sex," and on the brink of considering taking part in it myself, until I do find someone special. But then I quickly remember all the drama that came with past relationships, and that usually makes me OK with having no sex for awhile. I'm just reluctant to get out and date again when all the guys I meet want to take me to the bed within hours. Is finding a guy who ISN'T like that impossible for my age?It's not impossible. It's just most of the guys who aren't like that, are all on this site having the same issues. Look at me! I'm living, breathing proof.
Author Tasha49 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 You did say This is what jumped out at me...sounds pretty darn close to a generalization...I've never been reluctant to date again because of a few bad experiences with the opposite sex I guess one could say I am bitter from all the bitterness going around this site at the moment I see what you mean but I promise you I never thought ALL men were bad and that I'm SOL. otherwise I'd have just made an "F*ck all you men I'm going lesbian" thread No but really. I asked if it is more likely that it is my age range that makes my needs so difficult to be met. I simply never stated it is impossible. I know many good guys. But they're mostly taken. I hear stories from my friends about their bf's and such. It makes me feel better it's just thay I think so many people out there only care about sex now before what really matters. Women are surely guilty of being provocative as well. But of course I would not need to bring that up since I'm not seeking women
Author Tasha49 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 Thanks for the replies everyone! Just wanted to make a few things clear: I do not go to parties or clubs. Men who attend these places seem to come find me. Whether it be from work, Facebook, at the mall... the sweet guy never seems to be around though. I myself am shy so I would be too nervous to make any moves if I were to find one. And although I have stated that I don't really wish to look right bow, it did not imply that I won't ever intend to look. I just think I am focusing too hard on wanting something serious. And to get to that point I of course need to get to know someone. However, like I said, when I do try getting to know a guy who shows interest, he tries too hard to get laid. And I just don't reallycare for that. There are men who show they can leave their stiffies in their jeans I want THAT guy.
omkara Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Well, it's a good thing I'm a writer, or I would've felt like I wasted my time here. Good luck, Tasha.
Author Tasha49 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 Well, it's a good thing I'm a writer, or I would've felt like I wasted my time here. Good luck, Tasha. I have very limited ease of replying sinflce everything I type is from my iphone and very slow to scroll up and down lol. I read your reply. My last was including you in that.
Author Tasha49 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 I have very limited ease of replying sinflce everything I type is from my iphone and very slow to scroll up and down lol. I read your reply. My last was including you in that. Hence why I have a lot of typo's ^^
carhill Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Effective communication is an important aspect of a healthy relationship. A healthy man will respect and appreciate a woman who communicates accurately and with care. My instinct is that healthy and mature heterosexual men in your age group are currently unattractive to you. No harm in that. Spend a month identifying and reflecting upon such data points and see what conclusions follow. Take each young man you don't 'feel that spark with' and reflect on the 'why' and how it relates to your psychology. As many LS'ers have told me over the years, the answers are inside us, not outside.
musemaj11 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Agree... but I am NOT that kind of girl. I pay for myself wherever I go. I very much dislike men paying for me as it makes me feel bad. I never said it was wrong for sex to be on a guys mind. It is in their nature of course. I am saying that I don't want that to be the first thing that they want when meeting me. There is a time and place for it. Which is not within a matter of hours... I have no shame in feeling like I deserve more than that. And if men don't appreciate that, then that is their problem. I was just saying that each gender has their own battle to fight. There are as many men as women who feel disenchanted by the opposite gender.
Osiris1234 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 I PREFER the nice guys. I highly dislike the "bad boys" and have only dated one and learned my lesson. Every guy who does seem genuine ends up not being what I am looking for. One guy was really sweet but REALLY boring. Never laughed, never wanted to do anything exciting... he was just so dull so I had to end it. But his intentions were never admittedly sexual and he never pressured me. I gotta have a guy who at least has SOME sense of humor and who doesn't take life so seriously. Can you define really boring please?
thatone Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Thanks for the replies everyone! Just wanted to make a few things clear: I do not go to parties or clubs. Men who attend these places seem to come find me. Whether it be from work, Facebook, at the mall... the sweet guy never seems to be around though. I myself am shy so I would be too nervous to make any moves if I were to find one. And although I have stated that I don't really wish to look right bow, it did not imply that I won't ever intend to look. I just think I am focusing too hard on wanting something serious. And to get to that point I of course need to get to know someone. However, like I said, when I do try getting to know a guy who shows interest, he tries too hard to get laid. And I just don't reallycare for that. There are men who show they can leave their stiffies in their jeans I want THAT guy. men are going to approach women they are sexually attracted to. if i see a woman across the room i don't know anything else about, that's all i have to judge is what she looks like. by your own admission, if you are overly shy, you don't provide them with anything else to judge you by. and going a step further, if you don't express your idea of boundaries/timelines while dating, you leave them without any idea of what you want. so absent any indication of what you want, they will pursue what they want. it's not a coincidence that people behave that way around you. you are bringing it out in them and attracting that type of person, either by action or inaction.
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