Tasha49 Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 So I am not really looking to date. I just got out of a crappy situation with a guy for the last year and a half. I am open to the idea of eventually finding someone but I definitely don't want to look for them. Maybe when one finds me and he seems decent, I will give it a go. But here is the problem: 80% of the men who show interest in me end up wanting to sleep with me within a matter of hours. Or when I talk with them they make stupid comments about perverted stuff and act like they are kidding but I can sense the seriousness in the back of their minds and a slight glimpse in their eyes. Most men I come across wantto hook up with me. I hate it! What happened to getting to know a person first? Is life just all about sex now? I really hate it. I am 21 and have the mind frame of a much older, mature woman. Well, in the sense of needs. I hate partying. All everyone does is get drunk and skip from one person to the other in hopes that eventually one will put out. I know how to have a good time and am social at parties but still it is not my scene. All men want to do is hook up with me cause they think I am hot. So I really don't want to date a partier. But it seems like that is all I ever come across. I hate hook-ups. I never understood how people enjoy sleeping with people they don't even know. I just want to sleep with somebody I know and love. But nowadays the men I come across just don't want that. I want monogamy. I want seriousness. I'm just reluctant to get out and date again when all the guys I meet want to take me to the bed within hours. Is finding a guy who ISN'T like that impossible for my age?
Ginger Beer Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 So I am not really looking to date. I just got out of a crappy situation with a guy for the last year and a half. I am open to the idea of eventually finding someone but I definitely don't want to look for them. Maybe when one finds me and he seems decent, I will give it a go. But here is the problem: 80% of the men who show interest in me end up wanting to sleep with me within a matter of hours. Or when I talk with them they make stupid comments about perverted stuff and act like they are kidding but I can sense the seriousness in the back of their minds and a slight glimpse in their eyes. Most men I come across wantto hook up with me. I hate it! What happened to getting to know a person first? Is life just all about sex now? I really hate it. I am 21 and have the mind frame of a much older, mature woman. Well, in the sense of needs. I hate partying. All everyone does is get drunk and skip from one person to the other in hopes that eventually one will put out. I know how to have a good time and am social at parties but still it is not my scene. All men want to do is hook up with me cause they think I am hot. So I really don't want to date a partier. But it seems like that is all I ever come across. I hate hook-ups. I never understood how people enjoy sleeping with people they don't even know. I just want to sleep with somebody I know and love. But nowadays the men I come across just don't want that. I want monogamy. I want seriousness. I'm just reluctant to get out and date again when all the guys I meet want to take me to the bed within hours. Is finding a guy who ISN'T like that impossible for my age? Reading this post was like reading the female version of me. It's actually scary how similar my views are to yours actually. To be honest I'm starting to lose patience with women too, but I suppose your post shows there are at least SOME that might not be bad. I agree that people our age are all out partying though, and unfortunately you won't find a decent man or woman at a party or bar. Honestly though, I assure you not all men are like this, I know a lot that are, even most of my male friends (which is about 8-9) and there are 3 of us who aren't partiers. Where do you meet these men?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Or when I talk with them they make stupid comments about perverted stuff and act like they are kidding but I can sense the seriousness in the back of their minds and a slight glimpse in their eyes. Yeah, that's a common ploy I've also seen with a lot of guys. If I had a nickel for every time a guy made a stupid or perverted comment and then saw my reaction or the reaction of another woman and tried to play it off as a "joke", I'd be rich. There is too much a focus on sex. Especially for your age group. There is a lack of genunie interest and sincerity between the genders and it's not lost on me how many men just want easy sex more then it seems they really want to get to know a woman. BUT, there are good guys out there. Where do you usually meet men and what type of men are you attracted to? Such as what his interests are, phyiscalness, and emotional elements you like in a man?
Nexus One Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I'm just reluctant to get out and date again when all the guys I meet want to take me to the bed within hours. The guys that tell you they want to sleep with you within hours are doing you a favor. They're exposing themselves for you to filter them out. So see it as a useful tool.
Author Tasha49 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 Reading this post was like reading the female version of me. It's actually scary how similar my views are to yours actually. To be honest I'm starting to lose patience with women too, but I suppose your post shows there are at least SOME that might not be bad. I agree that people our age are all out partying though, and unfortunately you won't find a decent man or woman at a party or bar. Honestly though, I assure you not all men are like this, I know a lot that are, even most of my male friends (which is about 8-9) and there are 3 of us who aren't partiers. Where do you meet these men? Good to know! I also think what I want is rare for women my age. I by no means want marriage or kids... but I just want a loving, faithful relationship. I don't really go meet any of these men. They find me somehow. Like some will message me on facebook who are in my area. I'll be nice and talk to them but after a few minutes I can already sense their needs. They say stupid stuff like, "So you a virgin?" I mean come ON really? The freakin dude just met me, and he's gonna ask me that? I hate it. If a guy messages me he'll be like "Hey you're f*ckin hot," or "Wow just came across you, you are fine as hell!" And... to me a guy with decent intentions would more or less not call me fine as hell or hot. Being called beautiful or pretty in my experience comes from men who are less piggish/perverted. I know that sex is on almost every man's mind, but I feel like there is a time and place for that. The one I met who I just ended with was from work. He was sooo sweet and genuine at first. But then he just ended up wanting to sleep with me. And that was all it was at the start. Then feeligs got much heavier on both sides and it became serious. Turns out in the end he couldn't commit. He did warn me in the beginning he didn't want a relationship but later on he told me he wanted one with me but not quite ready yet and wanted me to wait. I got fed up and walked. If I'm not worth a relationship then the guy can take a hike. A few guys I met online. Same thing... they just wanted to get in my pants. And it really is just sad. I am a great girl and I am wasting away because of who I attract. No matter what, my biggest fans are men who just want a good time. People in stores will stare away at me but most of the time thwy don't have the nerve to strike conversation. Boooo!!!
Ginger Beer Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 The guys that tell you they want to sleep with you within hours are doing you a favor. They're exposing themselves for you to filter them out. So see it as a useful tool. This 100%.
Carlos S Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 There are plenty of attractive guys out there who are looking for something serious, and who don't just want to party. Have you searched for older guys?
Author Tasha49 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 The guys that tell you they want to sleep with you within hours are doing you a favor. They're exposing themselves for you to filter them out. So see it as a useful tool. Haha true But damn it ends up being all of the men! Lol. So I am kind of hesitant to date right now. I don't even know if I should since I got out of a year and a half "thing." But I don't exactly enjoy being single.
Author Tasha49 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 There are plenty of attractive guys out there who are looking for something serious, and who don't just want to party. Have you searched for older guys? Like I said... i usually never look. I don't like to look anymore. The times that I have looked turned out bad. So I let the men come to me That isn't working either. There are occasional men who seem genuine but they end up being too old for me. Like 30 or so. And I just don't really feel comfortable with that. I met a few older men online... but same thing. I am confused!
Ginger Beer Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Like I said... i usually never look. I don't like to look anymore. The times that I have looked turned out bad. So I let the men come to me That isn't working either. There are occasional men who seem genuine but they end up being too old for me. Like 30 or so. And I just don't really feel comfortable with that. I met a few older men online... but same thing. I am confused! Maybe you could try getting a new hobby? I know it's a bit of a cliche but people with hobbies in my experience are less likely to be out every weekend. Plus you'll meet new people. Or join a new class?
Author Tasha49 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 Yeah, that's a common ploy I've also seen with a lot of guys. If I had a nickel for every time a guy made a stupid or perverted comment and then saw my reaction or the reaction of another woman and tried to play it off as a "joke", I'd be rich. There is too much a focus on sex. Especially for your age group. There is a lack of genunie interest and sincerity between the genders and it's not lost on me how many men just want easy sex more then it seems they really want to get to know a woman. BUT, there are good guys out there. Where do you usually meet men and what type of men are you attracted to? Such as what his interests are, phyiscalness, and emotional elements you like in a man? I don't really have an overall preference when it comes to attraction. Like I don't have this gigantic list of "musts" when it comes to the physical. Either a guy is attractive to me or not. I don't look at the specifics. It's never really whether he has nice teeth, nice eyes, a nice build etc. if that makes any sense. So I don't really necessarily have a certain "type." It varies quite a bit. I am not too superficial. I tend to go for 60% personality and 40% looks. I do want to add that men who look like the men from Jersey Shore are a turn off if anything. Because usually most men like that are full of theirself and pricky. I go for cute guys, not hot guys if that makes sense. (sidenote: I hate Jersey Shore! Lol) I like a caring, sweet, funny, and laid back kind of guy. One that possibly knows what he wants and is not dependant on others. Most men my age don't really know what they want at this point however. And those are the ones who I seem to attract.
Author Tasha49 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 Maybe you could try getting a new hobby? I know it's a bit of a cliche but people with hobbies in my experience are less likely to be out every weekend. Plus you'll meet new people. Or join a new class? I am planning to start school in the spring. But that would be a start maybe. There is a guy who is the sweetest thing ever and really funny/nerdy that I like and am pretty sure he likes me. The problem is that the guy I just ended it with lives with that guys friends. And so in turn, they are somewhat friends too. And I don't think that is right of me so I will be missing out on that one.
coolheadal Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 First off your young still and those guys who want to go to bed with you on the first date, you shouldn't even bother with those jerks. All this partying to get drunk and then you don't know what the heck is going on and then on top of this these jerks take control of your life. See I was never into this type of life style I've seen it happen and I did hang out with guys who didn't care much about the girl or women they were with. It was all about sex with them and the girl or women just went along for the ride. I hated that they were doing this to women. These women always as me will Jimmy go out with me tomorrow? I tell them you know that answer already! To me it was a good learning experience to see how and what was going on in the real world. It wasn't the best way to do it but it happen 6 out 7 nights per week but the guys I knew at the time gone 7/7 nights per week. You really see the same night people always partying, dancing at etc at every club, bar or joint. Everyone knows everyone they hop from one to the other. It's like they know where the action is! So in your case just look for the guy you want to treat you special and in all respect you and treat with disrespect which is the wrong way to go today.
ScienceGal Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I know an attractive 21 year old. He is mature and very kind. If I wasn't almost 10 years older than him I'd be interested. Don't lose hope, there are nice guys your age out there. Get into better circles and you'll meet them
Purelogic Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Your doing it wrong.....first establish what you clearly want, define it,take a mental note....and throw it away.....why because what you want is exactly what your attracting...you may keep telling your self that its not what you want but deep down it is.....now what you need is what you described, and its about location...yes it is...stop useng fb (guys just use site to score)....i could suggest the gym....but not the really buff guys with huge egos.....the guys on the mill,guys in the yoga....cheek the park. but look out for married men,you can check your places of interest eg: the beach,the mall ect, You said that your dont looking......but the truth is....you need to meet men half way with interest........ie: you can start a conversation but you do not have to e the one to initiate a relationship......when meeting a man never get to personal. and also watch what you wear.....we are visual creature and i you want to be take seriously..that you should look the part.
Author Tasha49 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 Thanks everyone!!! I know there are some out there, it is just very difficult to come across for me. I am not saying I am the hottest thing ever, but as long as I can remember I have always got stares and a lot of men hitting on me all the time. Everyone always tells me how hot or beautiful I am but I am kind of modest about it. So if a girl is "hot" is she more prone to get the kind of men I have mentioned?
Ginger Beer Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Thanks everyone!!! I know there are some out there, it is just very difficult to come across for me. I am not saying I am the hottest thing ever, but as long as I can remember I have always got stares and a lot of men hitting on me all the time. Everyone always tells me how hot or beautiful I am but I am kind of modest about it. So if a girl is "hot" is she more prone to get the kind of men I have mentioned? Do you mean if she is told she is hot or if she is hot?
Author Tasha49 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 Your doing it wrong.....first establish what you clearly want, define it,take a mental note....and throw it away.....why because what you want is exactly what your attracting...you may keep telling your self that its not what you want but deep down it is.....now what you need is what you described, and its about location...yes it is...stop useng fb (guys just use site to score)....i could suggest the gym....but not the really buff guys with huge egos.....the guys on the mill,guys in the yoga....cheek the park. but look out for married men,you can check your places of interest eg: the beach,the mall ect, You said that your dont looking......but the truth is....you need to meet men half way with interest........ie: you can start a conversation but you do not have to e the one to initiate a relationship......when meeting a man never get to personal. and also watch what you wear.....we are visual creature and i you want to be take seriously..that you should look the part. I am afraid I don't understand the first part. So the guys I DO attract, are the guys I actually want? Haha, um... no. If that were the case I would have given them the time of day. I do know what I want and I can't seem to find it with any luck so far. I certainly do not dress provocative. I tend to cover up a good amount but also keep it girly. Not so much of the nun look I do not want to find a guy at the gym. A lot in my area are *******s and only care about theirself. Thanks for your reply.
Author Tasha49 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 Do you mean if she is told she is hot or if she is hot? Well let's say she IS hot
Purelogic Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Thanks everyone!!! I know there are some out there, it is just very difficult to come across for me. I am not saying I am the hottest thing ever, but as long as I can remember I have always got stares and a lot of men hitting on me all the time. Everyone always tells me how hot or beautiful I am but I am kind of modest about it. So if a girl is "hot" is she more prone to get the kind of men I have mentioned? There is a high chance of that being a yes......Oh btw....not all these guys who want to bone you are complete dicks.....most are but some are just guys reacting to what they think women want....its sad (i was one of those guys)....still am lol i wanted to bone my gf from day one.....its been a year and a half....were now in a ldr for a year (haven't had sex with her, havent cheated,and being in a ldr ans made me become very attracted to her emotionally and a better communicator).......trust me there are a lot of nice guys out there who are just really confuses as to hat they think women ant and need.
Ginger Beer Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Well let's say she IS hot Hot to me says provocatively dressed thus more likely to attract the wrong type of man. Beautiful is a woman who dresses modestly and covers up yet still looks stunning. That's what I would say the difference is. If someone is described as hot, they're more likely the first example.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I don't think looks has anything to do with the kind of men you attract. I think PurpleLogic has good advice. The qualities you told me you liked are good qualties, but they are pretty generic. I suggest, like PurpleLogic, sitting down and writing what qualties you like in men. Beyond the general ones. Pay attention to how your parents treat each other, pay attention to the things that touch your heart when you see men and women interact. Think about what is most important to you in a man, in his heart and his actions. Once you get more specfic about what your looking for, you'll start to more easily identify the type of men you like. As you get older, you'll more easily refine what is important qualties in a partner for you. It is a bit of a learning process.
Author Tasha49 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 Hot to me says provocatively dressed thus more likely to attract the wrong type of man. Beautiful is a woman who dresses modestly and covers up yet still looks stunning. That's what I would say the difference is. If someone is described as hot, they're more likely the first example. The 2nd paragraph is me! Yet men refer to me as hot. I don't like it. I never have my boobs hanging out or my stomach showing or any of that crap. Yet here I am getting the hot label. I don't understand... My family describes me as beautiful or exotic looking. I'd much prefer those over "hot." To me it is kind of degrading in a slight sense.
Ginger Beer Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I don't think looks has anything to do with the kind of men you attract. I think PurpleLogic has good advice. The qualities you told me you liked are good qualties, but they are pretty generic. I suggest, like PurpleLogic, sitting down and writing what qualties you like in men. Beyond the general ones. Pay attention to how your parents treat each other, pay attention to the things that touch your heart when you see men and women interact. Think about what is most important to you in a man, in his heart and his actions. Once you get more specfic about what your looking for, you'll start to more easily identify the type of men you like. As you get older, you'll more easily refine what is important qualties in a partner for you. It is a bit of a learning process. Not in the face, but how you dress definitely does. Appearance is the first thing you notice.
Author Tasha49 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 There is a high chance of that being a yes......Oh btw....not all these guys who want to bone you are complete dicks.....most are but some are just guys reacting to what they think women want....its sad (i was one of those guys)....still am lol i wanted to bone my gf from day one.....its been a year and a half....were now in a ldr for a year (haven't had sex with her, havent cheated,and being in a ldr ans made me become very attracted to her emotionally and a better communicator).......trust me there are a lot of nice guys out there who are just really confuses as to hat they think women ant and need. Lol well like I said... I know men think about sex all the time. But I just hate how they put that over getting to know somebody first. I can't have sex with strangers. It's not at all a turn on for me. It is nonsense.
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