youaretheone Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Girlfriend has a father that is very stubborn and angry. She is 22 and her father finances her college studies. Yet, he asks her to find a part-time job and when she's not a yes-robot and wants to state her own opinions, he takes it as a no and starts shouting at her and sometimes beating her. She told me that he always beated her when she was a kid. Now she doesn't know what to do because if she resists him and defends herself, he threatens her to cut his help and she will no longer be able to study. I'm resisting so hard not to beat up his ass and I'm doing my best to support her. I don't want to interfere between her and the family but I'm very worried at the same time. What would you recommend me to do in this situation? Please help.
coolheadal Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Girlfriend has a father that is very stubborn and angry. She is 22 and her father finances her college studies. Yet, he asks her to find a part-time job and when she's not a yes-robot and wants to state her own opinions, he takes it as a no and starts shouting at her and sometimes beating her. She told me that he always beated her when she was a kid. Now she doesn't know what to do because if she resists him and defends herself, he threatens her to cut his help and she will no longer be able to study. I'm resisting so hard not to beat up his ass and I'm doing my best to support her. I don't want to interfere between her and the family but I'm very worried at the same time. What would you recommend me to do in this situation? Please help. They have groups for this and she needs to get help. She doesn't want to keep on allowing this to continue like it is. First the father needs to seek help for his behavior he could go to jail for what he's doing. But she won't press charges as I am hearing what you say above. You can't get involved or beat him as you would get arrested. She's being traumatized by his abusive behavior and this won't go away as she gets older.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I agree, there are places that she can go to get help. This does not have to continue.
Dust Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 There are place women who are being beaten by men can go for help as others have said. She can probably go to her school for help and they would help get her to the right people and it would all be confidential. Do not under any scenario whether she comes to you with a black eye or busted lip or just crying go fight her father. The man could shoot you and even if you do beat him up and not get injured yourself there’s a good chance he’ll call the police on you. Also a chance your gf will take her abusers side over yours. Just be there for your gf and listen. Also suggest she go to talk to some one at the school about this. Also this must be pretty stressful for you, if you’re also in school you should go talk to some one. If you’re not in school I’m sure there is some resource you can talk to some one about this with.
krz12 Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Girlfriend has a father that is very stubborn and angry. She is 22 and her father finances her college studies. These 2 sentences really don't quite belong together. Are you sure you have all the facts?
dasein Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 How long have you known this woman? Did she bring this up soon after you met? maybe a bit too soon? Have you met the father? I used to take women's word without question about being abused by some man until I wised up, met some of these "abusers" and realized how frequently it is used as a manipulation technique. Stay out of the situation other than as a good BF, whatever you do, don't go running to confront her father. You don't know the whole truth. When we were little, my sister used to bite herself, then go running to my mother claiming I did it. My mother knew I never bit anyone in my life, but on occasion, would actually punish me or make me apologize to my sister. Learned manipulation technique. It took me 30 some-odd years to figure out the moral of that story, when I was manipulated by a GF who claimed physical abuse from an ex. In the end, all the tales about childhood sexual abuse, ex abuse, etc. she told were made up. When you see real physical damage, then help her go to the authorities, not until. I bring this up because your GF is relatively young, her father is paying for college, and there seems to be something fishy about the way you are describing these revelations of hers. Good luck.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Girlfriend has a father ... sometimes beating her. She told me that he always beated her when she was a kid. I'm resisting so hard not to beat up his ass and I'm doing my best to support her. I don't want to interfere between her and the family but I'm very worried at the same time. What would you recommend me to do in this situation? Please help. Do her the favor of walking out of her life. She doesn't need another abusive male in her long cycle of victimhood. She needs therapy in order to recover from the likes of her father and the likes of the males she chooses to date. (and of COURSE women like this are only drawn right TO abusive males such as the ones they've always known - before they apply themselves to the much needed therapy, that is)
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