Tears of joy when I wrote this letter, I really mean it, should i send it?

[Feel_The_Warmth]

I didn't know whether to put this in breakups or second chances. I'm not trying to get her back, I just really want to thank her. She's really upset at me right now too.

 

I want to send this sincere and real letter, please help me out.

 

I treated my ex like straight ****, and to be honest, I've treated a lot of people like straight **** in my life.

 

I am one of the most compassionate people I know, I can love like no one else, but at the same time I can be just as hurtful.

 

My whole life I've had this problem, and eventually it came up with my last relationship. She ended up breaking up with me, and I've been chasing her for the last month until someone finally smacked me up and told me the truth about myself. And now I want to send her this letter.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear xxxxx,

 

Please don't immediately disregard this letter. It's not an apology or a desperation for forgiveness. It's a Thank You.

 

You once asked me "Why I thought I could treat you so bad" and I stalled with an unknown answer. People have been giving me advice, taking my side, and helping me move on, but none were really helping me at all.

 

Then I sought out help from people who are of much higher intellect and wisdom. Who had the compassion to tell me the dark truth. Who helped me realize the answer to your question. They put me down hard, but I needed to hear it, and I'm glad someone had the fortitude to show me.

 

The answer? My Ego. Yes, my big fat undeserving ego. I treated you bad because I thought you'd put up with it and stay with me because of my ridiculous ego.

 

In my 24 years, I've learned to love, to hate, to feel, to show compassion, to inspire, and to be inspired. I have loved many and hurt many. And never did I ever learn.

 

Every person that has held significance in my life has proved that everything does indeed happen for a reason. And so have you. My whole life my ego has been inevitably popping his ugly head at the most unnecessary of times. And coincidentally, when your ego is big enough, it hides the fact you have an ego problem.

 

For a month, I've been trying to cope, to feel again, and to move on. But what would this have done for me? Nothing, because my ego would have healed again, and eventually I'd be rooted at square one.

 

Because I learned to love, and eventually lose you, you taught me what I've need to know to be the best person I could ever me. You have directly touched and healed me, whether you believe you deserve credit or not, you do.

 

You will always be an amazing soul with the power to heal the world. Use it. Always.

 

I hope you all the joy and happiness your heart can handle. Thank you for breaking up with me and freeing both of our souls.

 

Good bye.

[shayla]

Please take this with a grain of salt because this is how I'd feel if my ex sent this to me, ok?

 

I would think, oh great, he treated me like sh*t and now someone else gets to benefit at the great lesson you learned at my expense. Thanks for letting me know as*hole.

 

This may not be your experience, but I had to put that out there.

I hope you get better answers than mine, just wanted to to show you a possible outcome if you send that letter.

[Feel_The_Warmth]

Believe me, if I saught the treatment earlier, it would have been me attempting to change for the sake of the relationship.

 

Unfortunately I realized too late.

 

She's moved on though, and I kinda have too. The last thing I want her to do is take this the wrong though. Thanks for the advice.

 

Anyone else? Please?

[Eddie Edirol]

Dont send it to your ex, it wont help, and really, she doesnt need to know now that she wont take advantage of your newfound wisdom. She probably wont care now that shes moved on anyway. What I think you should do is to keep posting things like this here to vent and learn, because your next few relationships will be MUCH better because of this. Since youre 24, you'll also realize in the future that you and your ex probably werent as compatible as you thought. Once you start dating other personalities.

 

So dont worry about sending this to her, she doesnt want to know, and frankly, since she dumped you, its none of her business. If she doesnt want to give you another chance, she doesnt need to know. Keep this newfound wisdom to yourself, and treat it as one of the great lessons you learned in life.

Edited September 10, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[ls32ssibm]

I had a similar revelation when my ex dumped me. She didn't seem to care.

[Mack05]

Tears of joy for what exactly? That u were what realised the reason(s) were for treating her like a jerk?. Do you actually think your ex wants to read a letter about you becoming suddenly 'self aware'. If you are full of regret u are not showing it. Where is the emotion? The Heart? The sincere regret, the sadness for what you put her through? U blaming your failings on 'ego' will not impress her. Trust me.

 

If you have any respect for this girl don't send this letter. Let her find the love she never got from you. If you are going to be selfish and send the letter at least put your heart and soul into it. She might at least respect you more. The good and right thing to do is leave her alone

[visualbasicide]

Just let it go man, I am glad you found something to shed light on yourself in such a manner and hope you use this all to become a better person. As stated above it will only pour salt in the wound. If you have already just told her you were sorry, then just leave it alone. and yes "Pride comes before ruin". Many people learn this the hard way. Just use this time to continue working on yourself and let her work on herself too.

[Lishy]

I am really pleased that you know why you treat people the way you do. I must say though that I do not think you have learned from is as sadly your letter smacks of the biggest ego in the world.

 

If my ex sent me that I would laugh to be honest

 

Your ego is now telling her that her sole purpose was to make life great for you and she is still left with the damage that you did to her ... It changes nothing

 

If you want to write her a letter make it short and just say "I am so very sorry for the way I have treated you, you deserve so much more"

 

Or better still, learn proper from your mistake and make your next girlfriend happy

[ScienceGal]

If you were hoping to get her back then you could consider sending it. But, it doesn't sound like that, so do not send it. I agree with Shayla, if you were my ex that letter would make my blood boil and then I would be in tears... again. I am sure you've put her through enough pain, and her knowing that you've now changed won't take away any of that pain. Sending it would essentially be like saying "thanks for being a brick in the road on my path to enlightenment". It's still too fresh, and she'll feel like crap.

 

I was very glad to read your letter though. I think it's great that you've made these realizations. Keep working on yourself and moving forward. Keep the letter, and maybe you'll get a chance to talk to her in the future. You can tell her then how instrumental she was in you becoming a more aware individual.

[EgoJoe]

Don't send it.

[Feel_The_Warmth]

If you were hoping to get her back then you could consider sending it. But, it doesn't sound like that, so do not send it. I agree with Shayla, if you were my ex that letter would make my blood boil and then I would be in tears... again. I am sure you've put her through enough pain, and her knowing that you've now changed won't take away any of that pain. Sending it would essentially be like saying "thanks for being a brick in the road on my path to enlightenment". It's still too fresh, and she'll feel like crap.

 

I was very glad to read your letter though. I think it's great that you've made these realizations. Keep working on yourself and moving forward. Keep the letter, and maybe you'll get a chance to talk to her in the future. You can tell her then how instrumental she was in you becoming a more aware individual.

 

What if there's a part of me that does want her back? It's just kinda bittersweet sometimes when you come to a realization that you've bettered yourself and can provide again, but are afraid it won't happen.

[Feel_The_Warmth]

I'm just going to take this enlightenment and further solidify it into the concrete of my personality.

 

It's just that, I literally can pinpoint the failure of my relationship, the cause, and now the solution, but it's meaningless. I wish I could just show her somehow.

 

I'll just have to show my next girlfriend I guess

[Mack05]

What if there's a part of me that does want her back? It's just kinda bittersweet sometimes when you come to a realization that you've bettered yourself and can provide again, but are afraid it won't happen.

 

Let her go. In my experience when a woman puts that emotional wall up it aint ever coming down. The truth is she is never going to trust you again and the damage to the relationship is irrepairable. You need to let her go. If she comes back, let it be on her terms. Now is not the time to be putting emotional pressure on the girl. If you still feel the same way in 6 months then send her a heartfelt letter. But right now the best thing to do is leave her go and continue to focus on yourself and improving yourself as a man so that you don't make the same mistakes with the next girl..

[Feel_The_Warmth]

 

Your ego is now telling her that her sole purpose was to make life great for you and she is still left with the damage that you did to her ... It changes nothing

 

False, my ego isn't telling me **** now, I have that ******* under control. I didn't mean for this letter to come out as "your only purpose to me was so I can learn to be better, thanks, cya later"

 

I wanted it to be more like

"I am very sorry, I am trying to get better, I am, and you've been a great help to me. I hope we can be friends"

 

You guys gotta understand, I was kinda selling myself short. I treated her bad at times, but I also treated her very well. I gave up my whole life for her. I kinda just got lost in that last month.

[EgoJoe]

 

False, my ego isn't telling me **** now, I have that ******* under control. I

didn't mean for this letter to come out as "your only purpose to me was so I can

learn to be better, thanks, cya later"

 

 

I think that was your Ego talking.

[visualbasicide]

"I am very sorry, I am trying to get better, I am, and you've been a great help to me. I hope we can be friends"

 

Sounds a lot better. Send it to her a year from now.

[Feel_The_Warmth]

Thanks for all the advice you guys.

 

As I've been getting treatment/thearpy, I realize I'm becoming a better person.

 

Part of me wants to show that I've changed, and I'd love to show her.

 

But the other part helps me realize I'd probably just be causing her more pain.

 

I'd have to say the main reason I want to show her is that I hung out with her the other day, and she seemed very happy. I thought it would be a good time to tell her I'm doing good as well, and her decision was a good one.

 

Perhaps I should revise it to make it sound less "harmful"

[visualbasicide]

If you two can stand to hang out together it might be a different situation. I wouldn't pursue her, but if you end up somewhere at the same time you might go over the above with her. Don't make it a "hooray me, im so much better" as much as a remorseful "I am sorry and I didn't see it until it was too late" type of thing. If you make it more about her very valid feelings and less about your accomplishments, she will view it in a better light than she otherwise would. Just man up about your poor behavior, explain what the problems you caused were and apologize. Then leave it alone and support her in whatever she does moving forward even if it causes you some personal distress. If your feelings for her are too caught up in it, then go no contact and work more on you for a while and then see if you can handle it then.

 

That is how friends behave, or should anyway. Best of luck.

[windmask]

hey man i know how you feel trust me i do i went through the same thing when my ex gf left and honestly i still feel bad she left. you admit though u werent to nice to her which is fine and whats better is your saying you admit that u did wrong thats great.

 

however, what makes you think this is going to help you and btw i read ur letter i must say i though ur letter was brilliant and honest. but whats the point in sending it?

 

i think if u have zero expectations from your ex and have given up feelings of getting back together and want to just remain friends then u should send the letter.

 

however if u think u want to be with her again and u think u can send this letter to help in that well chances are shes just going to be like "why wont this guy leave me alone ive moved on" and she might not even respond.

 

i read posts here people said dont send the letter theres no longer a point and i agree with them it seems like ur looking for someone to tell u to send it.

 

listen u can send it however dont expect her to respond and dont expect her to feel sorry for u and want to be friends. only send the letter if u feel u were a complete a-sshole and just want to kinda say i realized my mistake in that case ur letter is perfect.

 

good luck:bunny:

[visualbasicide]

hey man i know how you feel trust me i do i went through the same thing when my ex gf left and honestly i still feel bad she left. you admit though u werent to nice to her which is fine and whats better is your saying you admit that u did wrong thats great.

 

however, what makes you think this is going to help you and btw i read ur letter i must say i though ur letter was brilliant and honest. but whats the point in sending it?

 

i think if u have zero expectations from your ex and have given up feelings of getting back together and want to just remain friends then u should send the letter.

 

however if u think u want to be with her again and u think u can send this letter to help in that well chances are shes just going to be like "why wont this guy leave me alone ive moved on" and she might not even respond.

 

i read posts here people said dont send the letter theres no longer a point and i agree with them it seems like ur looking for someone to tell u to send it.

 

listen u can send it however dont expect her to respond and dont expect her to feel sorry for u and want to be friends. only send the letter if u feel u were a complete a-sshole and just want to kinda say i realized my mistake in that case ur letter is perfect.

 

good luck:bunny:

 

To make that statement (and mine) smaller. If you DO send it, make sure its for HER benefit and not for YOURS.

[Feel_The_Warmth]

@ windmask and visualbasicide,

 

You are both very right.

 

To visualbasicie, we hung out one day, then I kinda screwed up and kinda knocked on her door to hang out while she was with someone, I was drunk though, GD I regret that. You're so right on making it about her, which was my intentions

 

When she asked me Why I thought I could treat her that way, I really REALLY wanted to answer it, I wanted to so bad. It was honestly the hardest question anyone has ever asked me, and furthermore she deserved an answer. I've found one, but I've yet to proportion it towards her feelings.

 

To windmask, thanks for your compliments. You too, are brilliant, because there is a dire dying feeling in me, that wants to send it for specific reasons.

 

God this site is really helping me out right now. Feels good. Thanks a lot guys!

[ScienceGal]

What if there's a part of me that does want her back? It's just kinda bittersweet sometimes when you come to a realization that you've bettered yourself and can provide again, but are afraid it won't happen.

 

You'll read in this forum about people hearing from their exes. The exes send "breadcrumbs" where they are basically testing the waters. That's what you're doing. You want to see what she'll say about your personal improvement. That's completely unfair to her, and you need to just let her be. She doesn't need to be reminded of you.

 

A "part" of you wanting her back is not enough. You need to completely want it, and spell that out to her in the letter. You need to want to work hard to regain her trust. If you do not want this, don't send it.

[FeelingEmptyNow]

You should send it but the thank you is a little creepy. It should be more apologetic.

[Feel_The_Warmth]

I have decided to rewrite the letter as I realized how inappropiate it was. I have definately learned a lot, including the fact that I have a little more to work on myself. I have also decided not to send it.

 

Im already 15 pounds lighter, and Im very happy, and I should let her stay happy too.

 

[Feel_The_Warmth]

You'll read in this forum about people hearing from their exes. The exes send "breadcrumbs" where they are basically testing the waters. That's what you're doing. You want to see what she'll say about your personal improvement. That's completely unfair to her, and you need to just let her be. She doesn't need to be reminded of you.

 

A "part" of you wanting her back is not enough. You need to completely want it, and spell that out to her in the letter. You need to want to work hard to regain her trust. If you do not want this, don't send it.

 

This is very good advice thank you. Your right, this is unfair to her. This is her time, she deserves it.