irc333 Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Okay this is strange, been corresponding with this woman online, lives locally. She signs her name at the end wthi her screen name, I use my real first name. I was wondering what her first name was, and I asked, and she said she would like to keep that private now until she gets to know me. Think she's hiding something? Not really fair for her to know MY first name, when Id ont know her first name.
madjac74 Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Not really fair for her to know MY first name, when Id ont know her first name. Did you stomp your feet when you said "That's not fair"? Maybe she is paranoid about online stalkers and doesn't want to give any personal information. Who knows? If she is hiding anything, I doubt a first name is going to unravel her secrets.
Art_Critic Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 If there have been more than a few emails and she is still doing this then.........Next... I'm all for id protections but come on.. you have to be able to get to know someone and having to change names after you have been using another is just silly... Next...
Author irc333 Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 If there have been more than a few emails and she is still doing this then.........Next... I'm all for id protections but come on.. you have to be able to get to know someone and having to change names after you have been using another is just silly... Next... Yeah, in person its, "Hi, my name is Bill." and her, "My name is Sue" But online, it's a big mystery, LOL
oaks Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Think she's hiding something? She's weird, and not hiding it very well.
FitChick Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Maybe she has a horrible first name and people laugh at her. Start jokingly calling her names like Gertrude, Bertha, Martha, Mabel, etc.
madjac74 Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Maybe she has a horrible first name and people laugh at her. Start jokingly calling her names like Gertrude, Bertha, Martha, Mabel, etc. I don't know my GF's first name after over 2 years. She goes by her middle name. She has her reasons and I've never pressed the issue because it doesn't matter. But I can understand the OP's concern that you don't want to be calling your SO "fungirl88" when you introduce her to people :/
AHardDaysNight Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 She seems to be hiding something. Maybe she's on the run from the law or something?
madjac74 Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 She seems to be hiding something. Maybe she's on the run from the law or something? Yes because he could find out her entire criminal record by knowing her name is Jane
AHardDaysNight Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Yes because he could find out her entire criminal record by knowing her name is Jane Your sarcasm is not lost on me. I just feel that she's hiding something. I will openly state my name on dating sites. I even post it in messages I send out. What's the harm? The funny thing is, I know of at least 4 other people who have my name. One is a famous rock star who is a drummer in a band (hmm, maybe a relation?) I name drop my real name, she googles it, she sees that I'm a famous rock star... Wait, that could only be a GOOD thing!!
madjac74 Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Your sarcasm is not lost on me. I just feel that she's hiding something. I will openly state my name on dating sites. I even post it in messages I send out. What's the harm? The funny thing is, I know of at least 4 other people who have my name. One is a famous rock star who is a drummer in a band (hmm, maybe a relation?) I name drop my real name, she googles it, she sees that I'm a famous rock star... Wait, that could only be a GOOD thing!! I'm glad you got the sarcasm. It is so hard to detect Is your first name Kid rock?
Ginger Beer Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Maybe she's ashamed to be on a dating site and doesn't want friends or relatives to find out.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 I'm glad you got the sarcasm. It is so hard to detect Is your first name Kid rock? Oh god, no! I would be ashamed! My hatred of all things Kid Rock goes way deep. As all my friends know, I've disliked the guy since he first came out. This dude is in an alternative rock band, that have released 4 studio albums. He plays drums, writes, and sings. It's actually kind of cool if he was a relation, because I am a musician as well (independent), and I'd love to be related to someone who actually made it in the music biz.
Pasttense Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Exactly how long have you been corresponding and how many times? Explanations could range from she is being cautious until she gets to know you to she is married to her entire profile is phony--maybe she is a 12 year old girl.
coolheadal Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 One of the worst things you can do online is use your first name but people don't listen. That's why we have alias screen names to use. So you told her your real name so you okay with it. But don't expect her to tell you her real name online. What happens if you had a fall out then you get mad and start using her real name (example: Sally won't seem me again, Sally is mean an etc.). So she's doing the right thing to protect her privacy. I agree she's doing the right thing! Just respect her wishes and you'll go far with her, but if you don't then might as well call it a night!
AHardDaysNight Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 I disagree with this. Using your first name opens up a comfort zone that hiding behind a screenname doesn't.
coolheadal Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 I disagree with this. Using your first name opens up a comfort zone that hiding behind a screenname doesn't. Come on! Your online! Your going to use your real name to talk to someone. Best you do it offline. Take the conversation to the phone instead of online.
Ginger Beer Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I disagree with this. Using your first name opens up a comfort zone that hiding behind a screenname doesn't. Agree with this but... Come on! Your online! Your going to use your real name to talk to someone. Best you do it offline. Take the conversation to the phone instead of online. I also agree with this.
Arikel Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I don't like using my first name when chatting to people online. True sometimes I will, but mostly I use an alias or an initial. Why? A) security: especially if you have a unique type of name or live in a s town. Google town+name, search - chances are you will find fb, someone who mentioned you, school alumni records, stuff like that. B) if things don't work out, the other person might post stuff using your name which can be searched on google C) I personally find it a good way to weed out people who won't respect my personal boundaries. If they insist on getting my name on the first 1-2 chats and argue with me when I politely refuse, it gives me a bad vibe and wonder what else they might insist on later on. Just because someone gave me their details which I didn't ask for is no reason to give them mine. Also, I wouldn't know if they are lying anyway. It may sound paranoid, but it doesn't hurt to take precautions.
Ginger Beer Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Nothing wrong with taking precautions at all, better to be safe than sorry.
oaks Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Thinking back to my online dating over the last year... There was one woman who wouldn't tell me her first name. She just kept signing her messages with an initial. After a few days (and maybe a dozen messages) where she hadn't volunteered her name I asked for it... I said "so, what does the M stand for?" and that was the last email. She didn't reply, and I let it go. I figured she just wasn't that interested, and I wasn't going chasing. There was another woman whose screen name was a girl's name with some numbers after it. I thought that was probably not her real name, so after a few messages I asked what her name was and she told me that was her name. (I thought that she's either not being honest or she's dumb for putting her real name into her screen name.) Anyway, at least I had a name to call her, unlike "M". When I finally met her the first words out of her mouth were "My name is xxx" and she told me her real name, which (of course) wasn't the one she had told me when we were just emailing online. We had a couple of dates. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I think that if someone won't tell you their name but expects or intends that the conversation will continue then they're taking a risk of alienating you at some point (but if they weren't really interested anyway then they wouldn't care what you thought). On the other hand, it's only a big deal if you want it to be.
oaks Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I don't like using my first name when chatting to people online. True sometimes I will, but mostly I use an alias or an initial. Why? A) security: especially if you have a unique type of name or live in a s town. Google town+name, search - chances are you will find fb, someone who mentioned you, school alumni records, stuff like that. Have you tried this in your specific case? Did it pull up records that were obviously you in a way that stood out from other entries? If it's pulling up your facebook page and you don't want it to then you haven't got your facebook settings right, so you can fix that one (but I know it was just an example). It may sound paranoid, but it doesn't hurt to take precautions. Yes, it sounds paranoid, but that doesn't mean the next person you chat to online isn't an axe murderer and you can take some precautions as described above if you're worried about it.
Arikel Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Have you tried this in your specific case? Did it pull up records that were obviously you in a way that stood out from other entries? If it's pulling up your facebook page and you don't want it to then you haven't got your facebook settings right, so you can fix that one (but I know it was just an example). I personally have a very generic sort of name, but probably if I were patient I could dig up a facebook profile (just the front page though, I limit everything else inside). I have actually managed to google some people using their first and last name getting facebook/school alumni links. Some workplaces also post public profiles of their employees, I guess its necessary in a service industry.. but if a psycho could probably do a lot of things knowing stuff like that
Art_Critic Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I personally have a very generic sort of name, but probably if I were patient I could dig up a facebook profile (just the front page though, I limit everything else inside). I have actually managed to google some people using their first and last name getting facebook/school alumni links. Some workplaces also post public profiles of their employees, I guess its necessary in a service industry.. but if a psycho could probably do a lot of things knowing stuff like that What do you mean about a psycho ?.. Are you saying that withholding your first name will protect you from running into a psycho via online dating ? Most people who are online dating want to get to know someone.. When I was dating and single if a girl didn't trust me enough to know her name after a few emails then I moved on.. those were her issues and not mine. Dating is about finding someone that you are compatible with and certainly keeping a first/last name from someone you have intention of learning to get to know to date is a big red flag..IMO. Nothing wrong with being safe but after a few emails then that stuff should go by the waste side or if they are not to be trusted then stop talking to them.. but to continue to talk to a guy that you don't show trust is kinda hindering the whole reason you are online dating. A psycho is already going to know who you are before they go psycho on you anyhow.. with the rare exception of course.
Author irc333 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 Yeah, there is just something not entirely normal about NOT providing a FIRST name. "Hi my name is Bill, nice to meet you." "I'm Sue, great to meet you, too" See, not that hard. How about I take a woman's name tag from a work place, like a waitress at a restaurant and Google it. W oooooo....I just FOUND HER OUT! lol <sarcasm intended> Some of the responses remind me of conspiracy theories and high paranoia. lol I could just let her go, but I think I might play along, and find out if there's other things she might be hiding. For instance, I've asked certain questions about her she didn't answer either, twice I asked about her national background/heritage, and she didn't answer and also didn't answer my question about how long she's lived in the area. I'll ask again I did question her on why she wouldn't give me her name, and she kind of got on the defensive and stated something like she would rather just rather keep it that way, and a true gentleman should respect that. And said something about hoping she didn't offend me. What do you mean about a psycho ?.. Are you saying that withholding your first name will protect you from running into a psycho via online dating ? Most people who are online dating want to get to know someone.. When I was dating and single if a girl didn't trust me enough to know her name after a few emails then I moved on.. those were her issues and not mine. Dating is about finding someone that you are compatible with and certainly keeping a first/last name from someone you have intention of learning to get to know to date is a big red flag..IMO. Nothing wrong with being safe but after a few emails then that stuff should go by the waste side or if they are not to be trusted then stop talking to them.. but to continue to talk to a guy that you don't show trust is kinda hindering the whole reason you are online dating. A psycho is already going to know who you are before they go psycho on you anyhow.. with the rare exception of course.
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