AHardDaysNight Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Age is only relevant to make sure someone is old enough to legally drink and have sex. Maturity and age are mutually exclusive. On the other end of the age scale, age is only relevant if you are looking for a breeding female. A woman who is 45 saying she is 35 wouldn't be a good idea, even if she looked 35. if a man wanted kids. Otherwise, if you lie and say you are younger, look like your age. Many people over 40 look older because of their poor lifestyle choices so even if they tell the truth, I assume they are lying! I completely disagree, of course. A relationship is built on honesty. What would you gain from stating that you're older or younger than you are? I look about 19 years old, almost 10 years younger than I am. I could say to a girl who's 19, "hey, I'm your age, wanna date?" And I could potentially trick her into a relationship, when she wouldn't date a 28 year old, or would think it was creepy. But what if she looks at my driver's id, and realizes that I'm much older than I said I was? Yes, she'd love me by then, but she'd start to wonder, "Hmm, wonder what else he lied about?" Like I said, a relationship is built on honesty. If you're a virgin, and you get asked, don't lie. If you're older and you want to date younger, and you could lie, don't. It will only come back to bite you in the arse.
FitChick Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Lying about anything is bad, and especially lying about your age. They are not trustworthy. I was ready to end things with a guy who I thought lied about adding just a year to his age. I dated a man who told me his real age. He lied about being married and dating my co-worker. I guess he hadn't heard about your "theory." Some lies are more serious than others. A man tells you, "I'm not looking for anything serious right now," then marries another woman a few months later. "You're the best lover I've ever had." "I don't have kids. Those toys in my car belong to my dog." "Your penis isn’t too small." "Yes, I'm on The Pill." "I'm not attracted to your sister." "Nothing's bothering me." "I weigh 120 pounds."
AHardDaysNight Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 FitChick, that's my point. Lying is bad...there's a reason why it's in the 10 commandments. Even if you're an atheist, you shouldn't lie. Every lie distorts the truth. You begin to be erased, one by one, because parts of you are being removed, lie by lie. Man, that sounds like a NIN song! Maybe I should write for Trent Reznor, lol. Bottom line is, don't lie. If you're 30, don't pretend to be a teenager. You aren't one, so why pretend to BE one? Just like you wouldn't hear that someone doesn't like blonds, and dye your natural blond hair brown...sooner or later, that person will discover that you tricked him into a date.
FitChick Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 (edited) I have come to the conclusion that it can be fine to lie about your age on a dating website. But, come clean on the first date. He was smart to lie. This man was an athlete and all muscle and could pass for 34. Everyone who has told their real age on a first date got a second date automatically? I must be reading the wrong threads. When I previously used my real age on my profile, I seldom heard from men my age. Or they demanded I post current photos because I was "fooling no one with those outdated photos" (they were current). When I did meet men in person they expressed relief that I actually looked like my photos since so many women, who post their real ages, didn't. The age of the photos is more important. Edited September 10, 2011 by FitChick
FitChick Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Just like you wouldn't hear that someone doesn't like blonds, and dye your natural blond hair brown...sooner or later, that person will discover that you tricked him into a date. You are obviously very young and/or very inexperienced. I guess if you belonged to a weird Christian Mormon cult where the women weren't allowed to shave their legs and wore ankle length skirts dyeing one's hair might be a "sin." Would wearing a wig be okay then?
green_tea Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I dated a man who told me his real age. He lied about being married and dating my co-worker. I guess he hadn't heard about your "theory." Some lies are more serious than others. A man tells you, "I'm not looking for anything serious right now," then marries another woman a few months later. "You're the best lover I've ever had." "I don't have kids. Those toys in my car belong to my dog." "Your penis isn’t too small." "Yes, I'm on The Pill." "I'm not attracted to your sister." "Nothing's bothering me." "I weigh 120 pounds." I'm not saying lying about your age is the worst lie you can tell - obviously. And it wasn't some "theory" I had - this is just my personal opinion. But my point was, if they so easily lie about their age, they can easily lie about other things. And to lie about your age just to get someone to go out with you, is not something I agree with. Others clearly don't mind. I do mind, and is not something I would ever put up with - personally.
D-Lish Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I put my age on POF as 39- but I am 41. I say in my profile part what my age is at the bottom. Most men don't search over 40 in my age group because they have this notion that women over 40 don't look good anymore. I take care of myself, put up only recent pics- and if someone likes my profile/.pics enough to send me a message- cool. I get 10 times more responses putting myself at 39 instead of 41. I was on briefly after my break up with my real age, and took it down after a month. By putting my age at 39- I get so many more messages. I think this guy should do the same- put his real age in the bulk of his profile and explain why.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I put my age on POF as 39- but I am 41. I say in my profile part what my age is at the bottom. Most men don't search over 40 in my age group because they have this notion that women over 40 don't look good anymore. I take care of myself, put up only recent pics- and if someone likes my profile/.pics enough to send me a message- cool. I get 10 times more responses putting myself at 39 instead of 41. I was on briefly after my break up with my real age, and took it down after a month. By putting my age at 39- I get so many more messages. I think this guy should do the same- put his real age in the bulk of his profile and explain why. I've been 39 for the last 11 years.
D-Lish Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I've been 39 for the last 11 years. I was "30" for about 11 years:lmao:
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 OP, you shouldn't lie about your age on a dating profile. You know this. BUT, there is also something to be said for recongnizing that people lie about what they feel insecure about on online dating sites because they mearly want someone to give them a shot..weight, education, height, dept, how multi-facecated they are because the like Bob Marely AND the New York City Ballet at the same time. No one is completely totally honest on those sites anyway. When I online dated I put my right age down but it's not like I wrote a whole paragraph about all my crappy bad habits. (And I got enough bad habits to write more then a paragraph about.) I bet every person here does. So I kind of thing some people are beeing a little high and mighty about the whole "we shouldn't lie!" Yes, we shouldn't lie but people are human and make mistakes and usually lying on dating profiles is because someone feels a touch insecure about an aspect of themselves. When I went out on dates with people that it came to pass they might have tweeked things here and there on their profiles, I gave them a shot beyond the profiles we set up. And sometimes it worked out and sometimes it didn't. Different people are going to be more or less bothered by different things. One girl might be really upset that a man lied about his weight..for me, that wasn't such a big issue. A woman might be really bothered by a man lying about his age..others might now. Regardless, you shouldn't lie but people are human and do so to make themselves more attractive. I think if online daters were a little more forgiving, maybe more people would find matches instead of just going on to the possible bigger, better deal. However, if the person is lying about not having kids and other big lifestyle things, that's a different story.
dasein Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Every woman I've ever dated who told any degree of lie very early on has turned out to be bad news, usually very quickly. That doesn't mean that everyone who tells white lies is bad news, but I walk the minute the first white lie comes out, instantly, because of bad experience with liars, and lots of people do today. So regardless of the right and wrong of it, if you want to make a good impression on new people, and not miss out on what may be a good thing, is it really the way to put your best foot forward?
ascendotum Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 (edited) I put my age on POF as 39- but I am 41. I say in my profile part what my age is at the bottom. Most men don't search over 40 in my age group because they have this notion that women over 40 don't look good anymore. I take care of myself, put up only recent pics- and if someone likes my profile/.pics enough to send me a message- cool. I get 10 times more responses putting myself at 39 instead of 41. I was on briefly after my break up with my real age, and took it down after a month. By putting my age at 39- I get so many more messages. if you want to make a good impression on new people, and not miss out on what may be a good thing, is it really the way to put your best foot forward? I think this guy should do the same- put his real age in the bulk of his profile and explain why. I can understand why men or women do this precisely for the reason above. I am not saying lying is right, but I get why people do it. Shorter guys who add on an inch so they hopefully end up in more profile criteria searches, overweight women who put down average, so they wont get filtered out of profile searches. They are hoping they will be considered for who they are as a person or their other attributes rather than just the basic stats. Some people will consider lying about a few yrs or a few inches or a few Ibs or how many partners they have had says a lot about the character of the person, and that's their prerogative. if you want to make a good impression on new people, and not miss out on what may be a good thing, is it really the way to put your best foot forward? Can't argue with this, but at the same time some people would be dismissed outright if not for the little lie. They figure the lie helps give them the chance to make a good impression...rightly or wrongly. Edited September 11, 2011 by ascendotum
grkBoy Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Yeah...that's taking it too far. I've mentioned lying on profiles, but more jokingly just as an experiment, like seeing how many women message a guy if he lists he makes 6-figures, or the age thing. This is too far and he should tell her.
CarrieT Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 It is funny - being in my late 40s, I continually meet men online who are close to 60 who lie and say they are younger. Some have confessed their real and some have not (but I have found out). Personally, I don't care what their age is if they are virile and capable, but it makes them feel better about themselves... Men are so silly and vain!
FitChick Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Men have this notion that women over 40 don't look good anymore. I take care of myself, put up only recent pics- and if someone likes my profile/.pics enough to send me a message- cool We get penalized because other women our age look like crap. We get lumped in with those lumps. I don't know about anyone else, but when I've met men in real life and dated them, the subject of age seldom came up unless a birthday was mentioned. I don't see why it has anything to do with daily life except in the cases I mentioned previously. I think women should be required to tell their real weight and post their real measurements. Men should be required to print out their latest bank statement. Otherwise, they are all liars!
sm1tten Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I think that in this specific case, what may matter most is what age-range the girl in question has up. It probably wouldn't be a big problem if the girl was actually not older than him - but because I'm 28 and would not date a guy a few years younger than myself for reasons that are really specific to me, UNLESS I felt really compelled to do so. My knee-jerk would be to pass on a younger guy. I get that people white-lie and omit things in their profiles because they don't want to be passed over, and there are definitely some things that should NOT be glossed over. But adding or subtracting a couple of years is not a big deal to me.
Casablanca Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I don't get people who lie on their profile...it will come out one day and in some cases it is quite obvious. Some people are just dumb Why cant people just approach it like me, be honest and use it as another place to meet people?
Author aj22one Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 I don't get people who lie on their profile...it will come out one day and in some cases it is quite obvious. Some people are just dumb Why cant people just approach it like me, be honest and use it as another place to meet people? Look, after he had no success as a 24 year old I'm told him to drop it. Clearly online dating isn't for him, etc. Obviously he didn't listen to me and decided to go another route. However, it is not obvious, to anyone, that he's not 28. If anything, that might even be too young. Honestly, I'd believe him if he told me he was 35 or 40. He just has that look. Women on there probably didn't believe that he was 24 in the first place. I don't know for sure though. He was using online dating as a crutch since he couldn't hack it in regular dating. He was honest, didn't see any success, then went the "white lie" route. I can lecture him about honesty all day but unless he gets burned I don't think he'll listen.
spiderowl Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Usually guys lie about their age by deducting a few years not adding them. I see that he's aiming for the older woman and thinks they will take him more seriously if he's older. It is probably true as older women do get approaches from younger guys and think (not unfairly) that they are mainly widening the net in their search for opportunities for sex. Personally, I hate it when guys lie about their age. If they are trying to pretend to be younger, I see it as pathetic and I immediately lose respect for them. To put it bluntly, no respect = no chance of sex. If you can't trust someone to tell their true age, what can you trust them with? I think your friend might be better off giving his correct age, but saying that he finds himself out of step with his peers and feels he has had experiences that make him more mature. If he behaves respectfully towards women he meets and sounds like he is more mature, then I'm sure they will consider him. Women are very conscious of differences in emotional maturity and will pick up on that whether the age is correct or not.
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