richardwordoff Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 So I've sort developed this problem.... There have been so many times where I mistook conversation from a woman or friendliness as being interested or flirting that I've become incredibly risk averse. It is almost like I assume they're just being friendly because I feel like an idiot or an ******* for asking them out and making them uncomfortable when they were just being friendly. Just yesterday, I was at a bar playing pool and there was a group of girls sitting off to the side of the table. I noticed that one of them was a girl I worked with for a little while about a year ago so I walked up to her and was like "hey you worked at such and such right?" After talking to her for a few seconds her friend (who was sitting closest to me, the other girl was.a bar stool back) turned around on the stool and smiled at me. I kept talking to the other girl and to be honest, I can't remember now, but I'm pretty sure she did this again a few minutes later. I was going to say "so who's your friend here?", or more boldly "so who's your pretty friend here? which I would think could potentially make both of them uncomfortable and make me look like an idiot. Anyway the reason I did not was I was thinking "dude, she is just smiling at you because you're talking to her friend, don't be an ******* and make something out of it it is not". So after I was done talking to her I just kept playing pool. Later on her friend was leaving and as she was walking past me she smiled at me again and I smiled or did some sort of acknowledgement. Anyway, obviously she left and nothing came of it. Thinking back on it should I have said either of those things at the start? Would the first one have made it clear enough I was interested or would I have had to try to riskier flirty one? If I hadn't said either of those things should I have stopped her as she was walking past on the way and out and said something like "hey, I never caught your name. Blah blah. I'm going to lunch at such and such tomorrow, want to come?"? On one hand it is a calculated risk but on tbe other hand I feel like a doofus for asking a girl for her number and to lunch after JUST meeting her; it feels stupid. More generally, how do I deal with my problem? Should I just take the risks anyway? I feel like if I took a shot every time I thought a woman *may* be interested I'd be one of those guys that comes off as desperate and honestly I'd feel like a doofus for asking so often. I guess part of that is because in middle and high school if you went around asking a bunch of different girls out word quickly spread that you were desperate and ridicule was sure to follow. Obviously college is a much bigger place but the same idea applies.
Easyguy14 Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Thoughts, anyone? without risks there's no reward. remember that for future attempts. now I know women are fickle and look for excuses to turn a guy down but if you keep plugging away you'll eventually luck up. just dont invest too much in to them ok op? just go on ahead, talk for a few minutes, and then throw it at her that you're interested. if you can work it fast enough the rejections wont sting as much.
coolheadal Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 They're going to smile at you just take it easy and talk to one then other one. You can talk to them as group of girls. Spin around in the bar stool if you have too. Just be the center of attention for now. But give each girl and equal attention if you can.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 I have never understood the difference between a casual, friendly smile, and a flirtatious smile. I guess that's why I've always been single.
AD1980 Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Yeah i got the same problems,im shy and its hard enough for me to approach women i dont know but the few times i had the courage because i thought they were signs the girl was into me she wasnt so it discouraged me even more from approaching women
coolheadal Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 You learn to grow out of shyness. But you have to think of what you want to you want this girl or not? Does she want you too? The smiling part is one of the key points of interest to them. Just be yourself around them it will all work out.
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