mike588 Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 I made a post on here not long ago about how I feeling better and moving on after getting dumped hard about 6 weeks ago. Well yesterday I crashed and burned. For those of you who haven't read my story I'll keep it short: My now ex girlfriend(were both in our 40s) of 10 months left me to go back to her ex b/f of 14 months. She knew I loved her deeply,told me that I made her feel special, appreciated,wanted and so loved, the sex was fantastic, not just on my side. Really. She told me I was everything he wasn't. (Then why go back?) This is her 3rd time back with him. I realize that I was just her rebound guy and have been doing N.C. Thought I was so far down the road in getting over her but in the last few days all those horrible feelings have come back.I feel so BETRAYED, used,and and wasted 10 months of my life to this woman who's heart was elsewhere all the time. In her last email to me she say she was so very sorry for the damage she caused me and was having feelings of loss, grief and sadness, it wasnt planned and she thought she was over him. BULL S*HIT. but it was something she just had to do. She's happy now at my expense!! On top of all those initial feelings I'm going thru again I now feel so much anger to the point of hatred towards her. Is is normal to feel like this again? I so want to send her an anger filled email explaining how betrayed I feel and she really has no idea of the hurt she has caused and damage she has done even though I know it's not the right thing to do. I just picture her so happy while I'm hurting so bad and picking up the pieces. I guess I'm just looking for some encouraging words, thoughts during this awful relapse. Thanks.
Buttercup84 Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 It's only been 6 weeks , it's so fresh still . Please dont send her a email . If you do nc it will show her that you are better off without her and that you have a life . YoU don't know if she's happy , I'm sure he will dump her again .
Author mike588 Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 Actually she's the one who broke up with him twice before. Yea who knows how long she will be happy then again how long will he be happy? It doesn't really matter cause the damage has been done and I could never take her back.
shayla Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 They walk away from the wreckage and they have not a scratch while they happily bounce to the next one. The reasons why she left him twice before have not change. I can bet that she will leave him again. I truly hope that by then you will have moved on and have nothing for except hel* no to getting back together.
Author mike588 Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 Thanks for responding. The only reason I want her to want to come back is so I can tell her NO WAY!! It will make me feel so much better if that were to happen,,, like she knows that she lost something good.
Mcnulty Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 I think with some relationships, one of the pair is in it as a function, a reason, a tool to help the othert person find their true path. I was there to help her leave her fiancee who she lived with, then when she left him, she was able to move on with me to distract her and then, bang, she found the guy she was meant to be with. It hurt like hell and I realized my meaning in the relationship...i was there to help her move on and to carry the broken heart, not her. That's life...sometimes you're the seagull, sh-tting on someone's head, sometimes you're the head that gets sh-t on! Oh, i cut all contact, held my head high and moved forward with my life...you can do this too, I guarantee. Good luck.
ChelleBelle Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Hello Mike, I doubt that she is going to make it with this guy if she has broken up with him twice before. Unless, he has cast a magic spell and has a magic wand, many of the underlying issues regarding the split will remain the unchanged and she had a deep and loving relationship with you. Anger is a much stronger emotion than heart ache and it should be able to help you thru NC, for a while at least. I don't have any anger against my x at all, no one else was involved, it was just an argument which was the pinnacle of issues and outlined things that were wrong in the relationship, so I walked out. We still love each other very much, the pain is unbearable but I am remaining strong and resolute. So I made my choice to leave and put my foot down. Try not to send the email. She already knows the pain she has caused you. She probably does feel bad everything. I wouldn't be surprised if she comes back to you.
Author mike588 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 I'm the one that had a deep loving relationship with her. I know that she did love me at some time but it is obvious that it wasn't deep. If it were she would of stayed with me. I don't believe she would ever come back to me,, maybe cause of guilt and the pain she caused me, embarrasment? Besides it could never be the same, I don't want her back. Thanks for your input.
M2155 Posted September 11, 2011 Posted September 11, 2011 Sometimes it doesn't matter how deep the love is, there are still other reasons it doesn't work out. I agree with the others that it probably won't last and I don't think her intention was to hurt you, but obviously there is some connection with her ex that she just can't shake. It has nothing to do with you, even though unfortunately you are the one who ends up hurt while they get what they want. But to your question, YES it's normal. I'm logically over my ex and haven't thought about contacting him, but I think about him. I hurt for him. I still tear up when I hear this or that song. I miss him. But then I think about what he did, how "happy" he is and I'm angry. I'm just a ball of emotions that I can't DO anything with and that makes you feel helpless. So, for what it's worth I just have faith that one day this will be behind me and this pain will prepare me for something better. It doesn't make me feel better, but I also think about (on days like today) that someone out there has dealt with something much worse and found a way to carry on:(.
Author mike588 Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 Thanks so much for those comforting words. Yea, I was beginning to feel better and was proud of myself then, WHAM, just like it happened all over again. God I wish I could of seen this coming,, her telling me at our beginning that she still had feelings for him. I know it doesn't matter now but I/we discussed it MANY times,, him/her getting back together and was reassured it would'nt happen. Love is truely blind. I guess what hurts so much is the betrayel I'm feeling.
sleepykitten Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 The betrayal is the worst, i felt that too when my ex met someone 2 days after we broke up and is now dating her, although the first mth with her he carried on stringing me along too and lying. I thought i was doing ok, then wham, feeling so low last week, tearful, angry wanting reasons, answers, wanting to e mail, text but i had done all that before, and it helped me at the time but i wish i had just gone nc from the outset. Its normal to flucctuate betwwen doing ok then feeling hopelessly sad, as long as you stay nc, pick yourself and dust yourself off, you'll get there in the end.
Besmy Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Hello Mike, you deserve a nice girl who really appreciates and loves you, dear. If after 10 months she went back with her ex, I wonder, really wonder whether she ever cared for you. It seems that she was just using you, unfortunately. Don't send her any e-mail or txt, go NC and please move on. You'll find soon another girl. Even if you wrote the most profound letter ever written on earth, she would not appreciate it, would not understand it and most importantly it would not make her change her mind, at least for the moment.
Author mike588 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Posted September 12, 2011 Thanks for your comments. Yea Iv'e wondered that too.I know at one time she did love me but oved her ex more. A week after the dumping I did email telling her how she used me and how she hurt me. She responded with a long email saying how very sorry she is, I was a great b/f she could never repay me for all the things I did for her etc. etc. Wonder if any of that is true. I'm struggeling to move on.
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