shayla Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 My breakup 8 months ago was ugly. I was treated badly, virtually from the beginning. I was treated like crap. I didn't matter to him, I was dead last in his priorities. He treated me like a mistress. He screwed around behind my back, but would cry, beg and plead with me to not leave him....right up till the day he put a ring on another woman's finger. Then the message changed...it went from, "I love you and I swear there's no one else," on day, my confrontation of the other woman, then 2 days later, "Yeah I lied to you, so what. We need to get on with our lives. Sorry I took 2 years out of your life." We had been together up until that moment, almost 3 years. But he lied to the other woman and he kept that lie up to me then broke off contact. Since that day I have been so furious I wanted to physically hurt him. He married the other woman 2 months after that email, had been with her since the year before, and claimed that she knew nothing about me, except that we had broken up before she met him....all lies. It infuriates me that he could treat me like that and still looks like he is a great guy, but tried to make me look like a stalking psycho. He turned everything around to make it look like I was the one with the problem. I hate him, and I probably always will.
Author shayla Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 During the entire 3 years, from almost the beginning, I had doubts about him. I caught him in a couple of small lies, but he apologized and it seemed like nothing so I ignored the feeling in the pit of my stomach and put it out of my mind, or so I thought. those doubts came up over and over again and I kept pushing them down because I thought that this was my last chance at happiness. After all, I was in my mid 40's and I'm not pretty or slim, so this is the price of having a man in my life. *sigh* When he lied to me I ignored it. When he stood me up, I believed his excuses. When he'd go to parties, when he went to holiday events, when he would go out of town, he'd never take me. Well, he was a mason and women aren't allowed at those events, right? I'd sit at home on the weekends because he would never be around. I started out going out on my own, but men would hit on me, and my friends began asking me what was going on..because I'd always turn them down when they suggested that I date one of their friends. "Oh, your seeing someone? How come you are always alone then?" Answering that question became more and more difficult, so I just stopped going out. Every Friday night and Saturday night I'd sit at home, and after a while I'd sit at home, drink and cry, because I could not understand why a man would treat me like that, but cry and plead when I'd try to leave him. Try to leave him indeed. It became a push and pull, him manipulating me, telling me everything I needed to hear, just enough to keep me around, and him going back to business as usual when he felt that he had me again. On and on and on until the day I got that email. I had spoken to him a few days before the blushing bride announced their engagement on facebook, yeah, I know. I had seen her pop up on his friends page and I asked very angrily who the hell she was. "Oh I can't control who pops up on my page!" Lie number one. "Uh, I barely know her." Lie number 2. "Uhhh, she works with my cousin, and they are friends, and she tried to get me to go out with her." Lie number 3. "Uhhh, her son races motorcycles, and my cousin knew I was interested in that sort of stuff and she just sends me emails, blah blah effing blah." I have been told so many lies of the last 3 years, I didn't know whether I was coming or going. But then when the lies started, I didn't pull the plug. And so anything after that, I was a volunteer for, and not an unwitting victim. And that is the real truth. And that kills me.
Author shayla Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 I never realized just how good a liar he was until after our breakup. He used to tell me that he was in drama through high school and that at their mason meetings, they used drama to act out the different degrees. WOW he was good. But then he only had to be good enough that I could turn my head from it without it hurting too much. But then my doubts would leak out the side and it would cause me to treat him in horrible ways. I needed somehow to give as badly as I got. But what I gave never came close. I'd yell at him to tell me the truth. I'd call him names when I caught him in lies. I'd insult him when I knew he was lying. And that got to be all the time. A compulsive liar keeps lying until he doesn't need to any more, then they lie to the next one. I have been mad all this time. Mad at him for being the way he was. AND MAD AT ME FOR KNOWING ALL ALONG WHAT HE WAS AND STARTING A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM ANYWAY! And NOT LEAVING HIS ASS WHEN I COULDN'T STAND IT, AND LISTENING TO THE LIES HE TOLD TO KEEP ME...even after he had another woman that he was going to marry. I will never ever understand why he lied to me and strung me along until the very end. But torturing myself with the whys would drive me insane. So I'm letting it all out here and from here I will be done with this.
Author shayla Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 I started a new relationship less than a week after he married the other woman. He is a man that I'd met the year before, almost to the day. Ironically, my ex introduced us, at a basketball game. There was a big crowd, and he walked up on my ex and suprised him. He had no choice but to introduce us. When he shook my hand and smiled at me, I thought he was attractive but never thought about it again. My ex then spent the next 15 minutes belittling the man, telling me what an awful person he is and how any woman would be insane to get involved with him....really? Why are you telling me this? When I look back on that last year, the way he treated me got worse and worse. I treated him worse and worse, to the point that I could barely stand to be around him without being nauseous. The lies had finally begun to be too much, but I was so afraid of being alone after having no one for years, I kept coming back to him. He swore to me that if I married him, he would treat me better. Oh no honey, that will never happen....all the while he had this other woman behind my back. *sigh* I have a good, good man in my life, and being this angry is starting to damage my relationship with him. He is starting to look at me and think, " Why are you still angry? He's been out of your life for almost a year." My father died 5 months ago. I got an email from my ex, and I thought that it was decent of him to send me condolencses...he did know my father after all. When I opened up the email, it was a virus. I don't think I have ever been that angry in my entire life. Even if he had not sent it to me, I had no business being in his contact list, in his address book, anywhere that this could have been sent from. My boyfriend contacted him and told him to lose my email address. My ex was absolutely horrified that he and I are seeing each other, and did not know until he got that phone call telling him to leave me alone. He promptly got on facebook and posted dozens of times about how much he loves his wife....yep I checked. and will never look again. Mission accomplished, unwittingly, but still effective.
lymtal1 Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 shayla, i am sorry that you are still having so much emotion from someone that treated you so bad. you are harboring some very bad pain and as you have rrealized it is touching your existing man and that is not a good thing. great that you have acknowledged it and i hope you are able to talk about how this may be affecting you two to him. you have to get past it and you know why? the energy you are spending on this can go to you guys making you better and stronger. he does not deserve your thoughts and attention. he sounded like scum the way he did you. yes we all have part in every relationship turning out good or bad. but it sounds like you have got this off your chest and are getting focused on the right things. don't waste another second on the old. focus on the new. you need to realize how happy you are now:)
Author shayla Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 Thank you for your reply lymtal1. From this day on, I am going to focus on what I have now and leave that crap from the past where it belongs....under my feet. I just had to get that out. I saw my fantastic boyfriend earlier today and we were able to have breakfast and talk about what I want for my birthday, ahhhh.....he is so sweet. I just had to let him know how much I love and appreciate him.
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