MissMoni Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 How do you get over that feeling? For me, it will be one year since our break up in Oct. Since this past February, we have basically maintained NC with the brief acknowledgment of birthdays. I have come to realize our relationship wasn't perfect, and I am excited about the prospect of getting out and dating to find someone more suitable for me. I have realized my mistakes, and I know he wasn't perfect either. I do still think about him quite a bit, but it's more of fond memories than angry or sad. I still do get sad sometimes though, thinking of how we barely speak to eachother. When he dumped me, he expressed that he wanted to be friends in the future. I do care for him a great deal and being away for him for 10+ months has given me perspective to realize our relationship wasn't meant to be. I knew that eventually I did want to be friends as well. But now, as we approach the one yr anniversary of our breakup, it doesn't seem like we are any closer to getting to that point. I know he cares, and that's the bad part. I feel like if I thought he hated me, at least I would just say screw him and forget about him. I was doing fine maintaining NC with him and then my area had a natural disaster and he included me in an e-mail asking if I was okay. I wouldn't say that set me back, but I was suprised he had included me at all. Since I hadn't heard from him, I just figured he hated me. (I know for a fact he doesn't hate me, as he has said this much, and he has acknowledged birthdays, holidays, etc). My question is, if he doesn't hate me...why does he continue not to talk to me even after a year? He was the one who dumped me. I don't want to be back in a relationship with him, I really do miss talking to him and catching up with him, but I feel that I really can't "reach out" to him because I don't want to go through the possibility of getting hurt again. How can I get over this final hurdle? I miss him so much sometimes it's hard to bear - and not in a, I want to be with him kind of way, but in a "What happened to us" sort of way. It makes me sad that someone I shared nearly 2 years of my life with wouldn't even see me as worth being a friend. Maybe I am having a bad night. Suggestions? :-/ I'm getting tempted to say or do something stupid...he's probably WAY over this considering we broke up last october. And I thought I was too. But remembering times and things we did as friends and with our friends is hard..
M2155 Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 If you are really over him and really want to be friends, I don't see anything wrong with contacting him. He probably hasn't had a reason to contact you or thought about initiating a more active friendship. Hell if I broke up with someone, even saying "we'll be friends" and they went NC, it probably wouldn't dawn on me 10 months later to meet them for coffee. Not sure about the "what about us" way. I'd keep it as platonic as possible. But be prepared he may be suspicious of your intentions if he isn't at all interested in getting back together with you.
Author MissMoni Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 He did mention to me once that he wasn't sure of HOW to reach out to me when I mentioned I was the only person reaching out. But I don't even know how to instigate being "friends" without looking like I am just trying to get back in his life as a gf..we live in different states so that should be obvious but I am a bit embarrassed as to how I acted after our breakup. I wasn't violent or anything, but it was clear I was very sad about it. I guess I am discouraged because I have tried putting myself out there but he hasn't really, so that makes me wonder if yet again I am the only person pursuing any kind of friendship. I don't know how to call him up after not really talking for so long and be like "Hey I'm ready to be friends now"...awkward lol ? I don't know, maybe I should just leave it alone..
M2155 Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 I only became friends with my exes over time and mostly through joking at each other's stuff on Facebook. While I consider them all friends, the only time I reach out to them is if I'm visiting their city OR need advice about something, especially relationship advice (which comes in handy). You could send him an email telling him you have an ex that you just want to be friends with and wants some advice on how to go about it....
Author MissMoni Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 Haha...that could be cute..or creepy, since he is my one and only ex and he knows that haha
Dark Phoenix Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 In my opinion you're not healed enough to start a "friendship" with your ex. Reading your post shows that you still have slight feelings for him, and the fact that you made a post dedicated to this topic shows some sort of attachment. This is just my opinion (I don't agree with being friends with an ex, and I don't see the point in doing so) and you can do what you want. but in my head I see this scenario happening: You open the lines of communication. It starts off light and friendly. you get together and ignore that inner spark that is reigniting. shortly later you're back to square one in a load more of hurt.
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