Need Advice - She needs more space, but I'm smothering her and I can't it

[valky]

So I cheated on her multiple times. She found out and left. I regret every decision that led me down this path.

 

She started hanging out with me, and I have been like a mother to her. Bringing her food between her graduate classes, trying to plan time with her each and every night.

 

It's gotten to the point where I even found myself looking at apartments and it's only been about 1.5 weeks of activity where we go on date-like activities and have sex.

 

She tells me she only wants sex, but is open to talking about more relationship-related stuff in a month. She told me that I should move on and that it would take 1-2 years before she would consider a monogamous relationship with me.

 

I'm having trouble keeping the hope out of my head. She was gone for over a month after our breakup and now we are seeing each other almost every day. She told me she has a date lined up on Saturday and it's eating me away.

 

help!!!

Edited September 9, 2011 by valky

[Tayla]

Valky, you had made it clear on another thread very much like this one that you are a "changed" man, if that be so, then put change into action. Stop this incessant behavior you exhibit by doing a 180 degree turn of unrequitted love. I dont buy it that a zebra changes its stripes so quickly. So what if you were nieve and paid her student loans, you are placing yourself in the "sugar daddy" role. Given your past behavior and your title of worse cheater ever, I really come to consider you a fairly good cheater. You are cheating yourself out of being sensible, you are cheating yourself out of listening to her actions. She now sleeps randomly with other guys, she sees you at whim and while you may perceive it that she is the ONLY woman for you, she is setting you up for more downfalls. Stay in therepy and LISTEN to your counselor. You never did answer the last time I asked how your counselor responds to your actions and deeds....

[valky]

My therapist tells me that it takes 4-6 months for true behavioral change to set in. I've recently completely cut off any forms of flirtatious contact with other women (this is 2.5 months after I've been single).

 

I tell myself to treat her like she's my gf again, and I reject women asking me out or flirting with me.

 

Do you think she is completely over the possibility of a future 'us'? Am I only setting myself up for more downfalls, or is it possible to give her a future she doesn't see yet?

[valky]

Tayla, I truly appreciate your insight.

 

You seem to have a firm grasp of these sort of things. I truly want to change for her, but I fear it is too late. We still have the most amazing sex, and conversations at times. But she is admittedly like a man in the way she views sex and casual encounters.

 

Will this ever become, what I want it to be?

[Tayla]

I sincerely am not trying to be mean to you, matter of fact its the situation that ires me more. Just hate to see a guy mislead himself....and that is what appears to be happening. Yes its wonderous that you are changing behaviors , yet I, as well as anyone do question...for how long? How long til you say "F" It! She didnt want me after all so I might as well go out and find me some. I've seen it time and again...changing for all the wrong reasons and thinking that will win the person back. Change because its what you see yourself doing in 10 /15 years....being true to your newfound self. But doing it because you got your hands caught in the cookie jar seems bizarre. Even if you genuinely don't change...at least be true/honest about it.

 

Fire your counselor, if all they give you is statistics then they aren't guiding you or assisting in your true goals of behavior modification long term. Do get a new counselor that tells it like it is, those are the best to reason with and bounce ideas off to get to the point of self reliance again.