AnotherIdol Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Hey guys, I'm at a bit of a crossroads with my relationship and I'm quite unsure on what to do, now I'm not at a crossroads as in ending it, I just don't know what to do. I'll fill you in. I've been with my current girlfriend for 8 months. It's been amazing, we've had an amazing sex life and have fallen for each other incredibly hard. We both showered each other with affection and spent most of our time together. We have had our own space so being too close isn't the issue here (She goes to visit her parents in Scotland often, we have our own friends etc.) Now, I treat her like a princess - I cook for her most nights, give her all the attention she wants, give her massages and treat her now and then. She does the same for me but only when I ask her for it, she can be quite lazy and can't really cook. I've called her up on this and she is trying to help me out a bit and I've offered to teach her how to cook. Anyway - recently she got back from visiting her parents for a month. The first few days of her being back were awesome, lots of sex and affection and everything was fine. Fourth day of her being back she was completely turned off by sex, she didn't even want me to touch her and just said it was down to her not being in the mood. This isn't like her at all - she does have quite a high sex drive. She has been like this ever since and this has been going on for about a month. All affection has dropped to a minimum and everytime I make a move I'm rejected, the same with affection too. I've tried talking to her and she says she just doesn't have any drive to have sex - she has no other reasons why. This hasn't caused any arguements or any bad feelings between us. I just don't know what to do. I've tried not giving her attention, going away for a couple of days to give her some time alone, stop doing things I normally do and all to no avail. Has anyone had any experience with a situation like this? Any advice? Regards, AnotherIdol
molimo140 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Something is clearly wrong, and it would be best I think to just bring it up with her and talk about it. Be gentle with it though, don't want to come off sounding accusatory. That really sucks man, I feel for you. Unfortunately I can't really give any advice beyond that. Best of luck.
madjac74 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Has anything else changed about her? It sounds like she has something weighing on her mind or possibly she is depressed. It's a bad idea to make any assumptions because the wrong ones could just push her away completely. Just keep being supportive while continuing to give her some space and hopefully eventually she will want to talk.
Author AnotherIdol Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 Something is clearly wrong, and it would be best I think to just bring it up with her and talk about it. Be gentle with it though, don't want to come off sounding accusatory. That really sucks man, I feel for you. Unfortunately I can't really give any advice beyond that. Best of luck. Yeah I've tried talking to her. She just gives me the same answers like she doesn't know what it is and its probably just a phase. Thing is, whilst shes been back she keeps telling me how much she loves me and can't wait until we get our own place and can start a family. Over the past 5 months or so she has become really broody. We're both at University at the minute and it has been summer break. We haven't had a lot of money to do stuff. That was my first thought as to what could be the problem. Has anything else changed about her? It sounds like she has something weighing on her mind or possibly she is depressed. It's a bad idea to make any assumptions because the wrong ones could just push her away completely. Just keep being supportive while continuing to give her some space and hopefully eventually she will want to talk. Nothing that comes to mind. I've explained to her how this is making me feel and she says that everytime she rejects me she feels like she is dissapointing me and doesn't like it either.
joeyanna Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Has anything else changed about her? It sounds like she has something weighing on her mind or possibly she is depressed. It's a bad idea to make any assumptions because the wrong ones could just push her away completely. Just keep being supportive while continuing to give her some space and hopefully eventually she will want to talk. I agree with the possibility that she is suffering from low mood or depression. Has her mood changed in other area's of her life? Does she seem to have a lack of motivation? It could be the case, given that she went to visit her parent for an extended period during your break from uni, that she's homesick now she's returned, a bit like post holiday blues, and if that's the case then she needs plenty of support and withdrawing affection from her isn't going to help. If she is depressed then this could account for her lack of sex drive too. Keep talking to her but don't pressure her if she's not ready, if it continues, it may be worth her visiting her GP or uni counselling services. If she is telling you that she loves you and wants to start a family with you in the future then I would say its not because she's 'gone off you' You know, everyone goes off sex from time to time but it doesn't mean it will be like that forever so stick with it. I know its difficult when a partner's sex drive changes suddenly and you feel rejected when she refuses to except your advances but you need to understand its not personal, she's not rejecting you, she just doesn't feel like being intimate at the moment and it doesn't mean your relationship is doomed Take this time to build a stronger relationship with her so when she does feel like being intimate again, it'll be even better than before. Good luck and take care
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