Desensitized Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 hey all, so i went on the date, and it turns out that she doesn't want a serious relationship at the moment because she's enjoying meeting new people... okay, so she tells me she's interested and that i'm cute; all for what? just to get a free dinner? how lame... I feel duped.
GivenUp0083 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 hey all, so i went on the date, and it turns out that she doesn't want a serious relationship at the moment because she's enjoying meeting new people... okay, so she tells me she's interested and that i'm cute; all for what? just to get a free dinner? how lame... I feel duped. I haven't followed your other posts, but was this the first date? Who brought up the topic of "what you are looking for" or "serious relationship"?
Author Desensitized Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 this was the first date. she actually brought up the topic, surprisingly. she said, randomly, "I feel that we are on different pages" and I asked her to elaborate on that; that's when she said that she wasn't looking for something serious at the moment.
sm1tten Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 this is the girl you wanted to ask to be your girlfriend, right? ETA: Maybe I was wrong. I guess disregard most of it except I'm wondering how she figured that you two were on "different pages" How did you get duped? Just because you felt that way about her doesn't obligate her to feel that way about you. It's possible that a) she likes you [but not enough/as much as you like her] b)she likes you, but she doesn't want a serious relationship yet [particularly apt if you've been somehow telegraphing to her that you want to rush things because you're really into her] or c) she doesn't like you and just wanted to eat [entirely possible] Instead of rushing it, why not just keep dating her and see where it leads? Maybe prompt her to go dutch with you next time since she wants to keep her options open.
Author Desensitized Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 this is the girl you wanted to ask to be your girlfriend, right? ETA: Maybe I was wrong. I guess disregard most of it except I'm wondering how she figured that you two were on "different pages" How did you get duped? Just because you felt that way about her doesn't obligate her to feel that way about you. It's possible that a) she likes you [but not enough/as much as you like her] b)she likes you, but she doesn't want a serious relationship yet [particularly apt if you've been somehow telegraphing to her that you want to rush things because you're really into her] or c) she doesn't like you and just wanted to eat [entirely possible] Instead of rushing it, why not just keep dating her and see where it leads? Maybe prompt her to go dutch with you next time since she wants to keep her options open. true, I guess I didn't get "duped." I don't think I've even hinted that I wanted something serious with her, but maybe I did say something that I don't remember saying? It's a possibility. At this point, I don't really know. It seems if she's just exploring her options, which is perfectly understandable. It is college after all, why limit yourself, right? Even if I decide that I want to still pursue her, it feels that I'm just an option to her. I don't like feeling like I'm just one of her options...
sm1tten Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 That's understandable. Nobody likes feeling that way, although at least she was honest about it. Some people focus on one person at a time and others like to multi-date. If you're not okay with being a satellite orbiting this girl, then don't. Nothing wrong with that.
GivenUp0083 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 this was the first date. she actually brought up the topic, surprisingly. she said, randomly, "I feel that we are on different pages" and I asked her to elaborate on that; that's when she said that she wasn't looking for something serious at the moment. Ok, so somehow you gave off the impression that you wanted a serious relationship. Try to reflect objectively and correct that behavior. When she a girl brings up anything like that early on, you just brush it off. You should've said "Hey, I think you're cool, but I'm just getting to know you. I haven't really thought that far ahead just yet." That way you're leaving the window of opportunity open. Just play it cool, act like you don't care if she likes you or not, you're just out with a girl and having a fun time. Just be chill, make it seem like you don't care THAT much about her. She needs to chase you. So call her up in like a week, say "hey, do you wanna hang out again, maybe grab drinks or something?" as if you were asking as a friend, but don't say "friend". Then if it comes up just tell her you don't know what you want and you just want to hang out and see where it goes and what happens happens.
coolheadal Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 She gave you a test run and it's best for you to find out now how she feels about you. You can keep her as a friend and move on to another women. Might take more than one to find the one you want to be with and they want to be with you. Don't settle for her for now. Also be very careful what you say to them. Don't jump into the fire with them stay back and be yourself. These things have to develop otherwise she'll turn away from you.
bac Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 hey all, so i went on the date, and it turns out that she doesn't want a serious relationship at the moment because she's enjoying meeting new people... okay, so she tells me she's interested and that i'm cute; all for what? just to get a free dinner? how lame... I feel duped. People go on the first dates to figure out if there is any chemistry. So, she checked you out and there was no chemistry. She told you about that politely. What were your expectations about the first date?
Recommended Posts