robdrm32 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I'm going out to dinner and a movie with an ex tomorrow night, and while we were dating I always paid which was fine. When the check arrives for dinner I will pay for both of us unless she makes a point to pay for herself (I know she won't). My thinking is that after the waiter goes off i'll smile and say "I was hoping you would consider this a date" When we split a few months back she said she would still go out as friends, so the way I see it is if she views this as a friendly excursion she would be prepared to pay for herself. Otherwise it's a date. I want to let her know from the get go i'm not interested in just being friends, but i'm not sure if its a little much. Good idea or bad idea to make that comment?
Bridgey Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 It sounds like you seem to know she will consider this a "more than friends" sort of date. Why is that? If it's obvious you two are on a real date, then the comment shouldn't be a big deal. But if you really want her to know from the get go it's a date why not tell her that before you guys even go out?
Author robdrm32 Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 I would say she "should" consider it a date because its obvious, but that doesn't mean she will. Telling her beforehand, i dunno i guess thats an idea but i feel like that might make things a little awkward just to text her saying "hey, i'm considering tomorrow night a date btw" I don't know if she will consider it a more than friends date, thats why i posted to see if its a good idea to clear the air while out.
yessy21 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 A simple call regarding the event and then saying "so, its a date then." should state enough.
sm1tten Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I'm going to say right off the bat that I find it odd that you know she wants to go out as friends and you're trying to force it to be a date. Even if she doesn't want to still date you, she may feel pretty comfortable with you paying for her and will let you do it even if she doesn't consider it a date - and you saying that line doesn't make it a date for her. [And I think that if she considers it a friendship she should pay for herself but that doesn't mean it'll actually happen.] So to me it seems like if this is an attempt on your part to fish out whether she's interested in a another go, it's a poor plan.
Author robdrm32 Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 I'm going to say right off the bat that I find it odd that you know she wants to go out as friends and you're trying to force it to be a date. Even if she doesn't want to still date you, she may feel pretty comfortable with you paying for her and will let you do it even if she doesn't consider it a date - and you saying that line doesn't make it a date for her. [And I think that if she considers it a friendship she should pay for herself but that doesn't mean it'll actually happen.] So to me it seems like if this is an attempt on your part to fish out whether she's interested in a another go, it's a poor plan. Point taken. All i know is she said she would still go out as friends months ago, and i stopped talking to her up until a couple of weeks ago. I know saying that line won't make it a date for her, but her reaction to it will clue me in to how she does view it. Asking someone out is a poor plan to "fish out" if she is interested? Then what is the better plan? be her texting buddy indefinitely hoping she one day she asks to go out? I'm not forcing anything, she could have said no. And last i checked dinner and a movie is pretty clearly a date. Granted I could have said what yessy21 suggested but the plans are already set and that conversation over. Perhaps i dropped the ball in that instance. If she let's me pay for her, and later claims that its just friends then imo thats a pretty lame thing to do. Thats what i'm trying to air out that my intentions are to date, not be friends.
sm1tten Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Dinner and a movie is not clearly a date, especially when the last communication was that "we are friends and I will go out with you as friends." By no means am I suggesting you be her emotional tampon/friend if that's not what you want. But to me your plan is passive-aggressive and will probably fail because she already set the terms. It really doesn't matter who pays. So yes, asking someone out who has already said that they don't want to date you anymore is a poor plan to determine whether they are interested in dating you. Unless I am missing something I can't draw any other conclusion. I mean sure, it's entirely possible that she's been missing you and hoping you would ask her out and you two will come back together again. I hope that happens. Good luck either way.
Bridgey Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 By no means am I suggesting you be her emotional tampon/friend if that's not what you want. But to me your plan is passive-aggressive and will probably fail because she already set the terms. It really doesn't matter who pays. So yes, asking someone out who has already said that they don't want to date you anymore is a poor plan to determine whether they are interested in dating you. Unless I am missing something I can't draw any other conclusion. ^ Agreed. Since she has already said she would go out with you -as friends- you shouldn't assume anything. Be upfront with her. Ask her what she feels this outing is. You guys already dated, shouldn't you be comfortable just asking?
Author robdrm32 Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 (edited) Dinner and a movie is not clearly a date, especially when the last communication was that "we are friends and I will go out with you as friends." By no means am I suggesting you be her emotional tampon/friend if that's not what you want. But to me your plan is passive-aggressive and will probably fail because she already set the terms. It really doesn't matter who pays. So yes, asking someone out who has already said that they don't want to date you anymore is a poor plan to determine whether they are interested in dating you. Unless I am missing something I can't draw any other conclusion. I mean sure, it's entirely possible that she's been missing you and hoping you would ask her out and you two will come back together again. I hope that happens. Good luck either way. The last communication was that she wanted to stay friends and i said i can't just be friends. I've told her that i've been thinking about her lately, so thats expressing my interest. Again, asking someone out to dinner and a movie is an intimate one on one setting, maybe it's not always a date but 99 out of 100 times yes it is. I'm confused, asking her out after a few months of no contact isn't a good way to see if she would be interested again? Then what is the alternative? Call her up and ask her? Going out is as much about me seeing if I really want to pursue it again as it is seeing if she would be. I disagree that it doesn't matter who pays, when I go out with my friends everyone brings enough to cover themselves, and atleast offers to pay for themselves. Occasionally one of us will say "No its on me". Which is what i'll do IF she offers. In my eyes if she doesn't offer than it would lead me to believe she views it as a date (right or wrong) and if not then she is just taking advantage of the situation. I appreciate the input, i am just failing to see your point. And giving me better ideas would be appreciated as well. Bridgey, I will ask her how she views it at the end of the night, and hopefully that will lead to a reconciliation process, but perhaps thats too soon for that conversation? Also, if the night doesn't go well i'm not going to say anything anyways Edited September 10, 2011 by robdrm32
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