blahblahr Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 My family doesn't know that i got back with my ex and we've been dating for 3 years now. I just moved across the country and my boyfriend didn't come with me because he's finishing school there. I just started my freshman year at UCLA and its hard to keep this relationship going without telling my family. They don't my boyfriend and they are paying for everything, but I think I should tell them. Is it a good idea to tell them now or wait till i'm done with school? I'm afraid that they will take away everything I have. What should i do?
creighton0123 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Why tell them? Wait until your relationship is more in order rather than telling them that you are back with a boyfriend they do not like AND are in a long distance relationship with him. Take it from me: I spent years hiding my relationships from my family (because I was dating someone of the same gender). In the end, it turns out that my concerns were needless, but it was better to wait until I was financially independent.
cerridwen Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 (edited) What is it about your boyfriend that your family dislikes? Has he given them good reason? If you think you should tell them, I second that. Three years is a long time to have something weigh on you. Edited September 12, 2011 by cerridwen
Author blahblahr Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 my family doesn't like the fact that i wear the pants in the relationship. I control everything and that's we used to fight all the time. They also don't like that he does everything i say and they don't think hes going enough for me. He works more than me, but yet i still spend more money on him. I buy him just about everything he wants and i always surprise him with things all the time. He used to buy me flowers and surprise me just about everyday. Now i hardly get anything. We would get in fights about that all the time and my family didn't like that. I always ended up crying and resolving the problem, but we broke up a couple time and the recent break up it turned sour and it got way out of control. He broke my heart and i went a little party crazy. My family doesn't like how i acted and they blame him, but i changed and they like it. Now my ex and i got back together because i changed, but my family pretty much doesn't want to see me get hurt by them. Because when we broke up i went to the hospital to get my stomach pumped for getting alcohol poising and they don't want to see it happen again. They just think hes no good, but he really does care for me and love me. he was always there for me even when we broke up. he wanted to see me in the hospital, but he knew it would cause drama for my family. My family is very harsh with him and call him names to his face. But they just want him to prove himself, but he was unsuccessful... :[ I don't think they will give him another chance, but i feel like if he tries to push his way in and privately talk to them individually it could win them back like he did to me. No matter how many fights we get into we still love each other a lot.
creighton0123 Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 No insult intended, but your family's opinion of him seems very superficial... He doesn't make enough money, but has a job where he works quite a few hours? They blame him because you buy him things? They don't like him because he dotes on you? You would fight with him because he didn't always buy you flowers every day? They blame him because the stress from arguing with you caused him to break up with you, resulting in your decision to drink yourself into the hospital? They insult him to his face because he hasn't "proven" himself? The two of you should communicate and learn how to pick your battles. You don't need to constantly buy things for one another. You shouldn't consider yourself "wearing the pants in the relationship" because he likes to help you when you ask him for something. He seems perfectly fine given the way you describe him. If you're going to seek all these reasons to argue - such as not receiving regular gifts - then you have more significant problems than pulling a Juliet Capulet and keeping your romantic life private.
Author blahblahr Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 He's a really great guy and we work everything out after we broke up. i realized why i was wrong. we didn't get in fights about us buying things, but about stupid things like forgetting about plans we made or like him not doing something i asked him to do. My family is all about money and everything is good if you're financially stable. Both my sisters are set for life with money and they want to make sure ill be able to be the same way. my sisters don't have to work and their husbands make so much more money then them. They think i deserve that too. It would be nice if i didn't have to work, but i love working and i love my boyfriend. They don't understand how he makes me feel and how well we get along. We both have difference, but we work everything out and we don't fight over stupid things like that anymore. We only fight about who loves who more.
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