M2155 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I have learned a lot from my relationship + breakup + LS. There is something about having a place to share and support and I am glad I found you guys. So here’s my latest thought: My feelings are I still miss my ex and it’s been hard to imagine there being someone that can fill his shoes. On the other hand, I remember how he treated me and that he chose to be with another woman. He broke up with me in a cowardly way and never acknowledged his shortcomings in the relationship while acting against mine. My heart was in this more than I ever realized and I’ve never experienced such anger and sadness after a breakup. However what I know, is that apparently he wasn’t right for me and while I don’t see it today, I’m so much happier without him. Move on, go NC, get-a-life, don’t make the same mistakes I made with him. So now a friend has set me up on a promising blind date. He’s cute and from our phone conversations we have some nice chemistry and I like him already (not totally “blind” I guess). I really want to meet someone that treats me well and that I am smitten by and really have a good time with:love:. I know from experience that a new guy will help you forget that schmuck that played the lead role in that relationship that is now dead. However, my heart still skips whenever I see a car like my exes or all the things that remind me of him. I still have a sort of love for him deep down and if he came back tomorrow wanting a shot, I’m not completely sure I wouldn’t give it to him (I know all of you would talk me out of it, thanks:o). So what I’m wondering is, I need to move on, but I don’t want to subject a good guy (be it this one or whomever) to being my “rebound.” That’s not my intention and I know my ex is pretty solid in his new relationship and not coming back. I’ve reached a point of focusing on ME. I just feel it’s an emotional catch 22 in a way to start dating again and I must proceed slowly. It could be Christmas 2012 before I’m truly resistant to my ex:eek: (if that makes any sense). Any experiences here?
ludovico Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 i hear what you are saying - like you feel that you need to be 100% over your ex to date someone new - otherwise you feel like you are using the new/"rebound" guy... i feel the same way and I have no clue how to overcome it... the only idea i can think of is to go into the date with the mentality that it is just a casual meet 'n greet and feel your way through it... look at it from a different angle - you're just going to meet someone new and have a night out... that way you aren't really using them, you are just testing the waters and dipping your toes back into the dating game... i would say that if you can't look at it like that right now, you probably shouldn't be dating until you have worked through a bit more of the breakup process (its been 20 months for me and ive been on 2 dates in that time period) i think it will get easier with time and eventually we will be fully over our ex, and one day we will be able go on a date and it won't feel like we are using the other person at all because we are confident in who we are, and what we want out of life... on the flipside, some people say that the best way to get over someone is to go out and find a new partner and you will quickly forget about your ex... i don't really subscribe to that line of thinking though
danceallday Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 This is a good thread, very thoughtful. I believe, for myself, I will know when I am ready to date again. I think I will just want to and I will be ready to be open again. For right now I am doing a lot of fun things with friends and trying to do a good job at work and enjoy myself. Good luck to everybody!
Author M2155 Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 I agree with you ludovico. It's just a meeting. But one day I hope it's more I think when get a taste of being treated the way I really deserve again I will think less and less of the ex. I have experienced getting over someone by moving on to the next. I don't think it was "rebound" or anything as much as this guy was just incredible! (broke up for other reasons) At the same time as much as I will get over my ex, I'm in NC so he's out of sight. But I can't imagine actually seeing him one day and it not at least affecting me, then I'll feel bad for the "new" guy. That's the "catch." I just hope I can remain emotionally fair. I'm okay unless my ex really tried to come back. But that's not a realistic outlook and I need to go out and have fun! I don't think I will "rebound" a guy, but the thought crossed my mind having been on the receiving end. But I am going to do a much better job for the rest of my life to stay on top of my feelings and communicate honestly. And 2 dates in 20 months is kinda normal for me unfortunately! I probably won't even need to worry about this...lol.
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