blahblahr Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Long story about our relationship, but this is my short version. I've been dating this guy for 3 years. We've been through a lot, we broke up a couple times and we dated other people, but we always stayed in touch. Even when we broke up we still acted the same way like we were together. Recently had a serious break up....i tried to get back together with him right after we broke up, but he told me that he was dating someone already that he only considered a "friend." After that happened I didn't want him back. We stopped talking for a month then out of the blue he started to talk to me again. He would tell me he still loves me and cares for me and then we started to meet up again. We would hook up all the time and talk to each other secretly. Our families and friends didn't want us to talk, but we loved each other. We both cheated on the people we were dating and ended up getting back together. Now I feel like it was a mistake.... I'm totally obsessing over his ex and he hates her and acts like he never met her. I don't know how to get over what happened and our relationship isn't the same as it used to be. I'm always thinking that he has a girl on the side again and i don't trust him. I can't get over the girl that he dated and were always getting in arguments about the past. How can i move on? was it a mistake that we got back together?
flitzanu Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Long story about our relationship, but this is my short version. I've been dating this guy for 3 years. We've been through a lot, we broke up a couple times and we dated other people, but we always stayed in touch. Even when we broke up we still acted the same way like we were together. Recently had a serious break up....i tried to get back together with him right after we broke up, but he told me that he was dating someone already that he only considered a "friend." After that happened I didn't want him back. We stopped talking for a month then out of the blue he started to talk to me again. He would tell me he still loves me and cares for me and then we started to meet up again. We would hook up all the time and talk to each other secretly. Our families and friends didn't want us to talk, but we loved each other. We both cheated on the people we were dating and ended up getting back together. Now I feel like it was a mistake.... I'm totally obsessing over his ex and he hates her and acts like he never met her. I don't know how to get over what happened and our relationship isn't the same as it used to be. I'm always thinking that he has a girl on the side again and i don't trust him. I can't get over the girl that he dated and were always getting in arguments about the past. How can i move on? was it a mistake that we got back together? sounds like a mistake to me. he left you to screw his "friend" and then when she got sick of him, he started calling you again. also the fact YOU cheated on someone else means YOU can't be trusted either. so no, neither of you are going to feel safe and secure, i'd bet you're never going to trust each other.
Author blahblahr Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 he trusts me, but i don't trust him! he tires to help me get over what happened, but nothing is helping! He understands that i'm a big flirt and i'm really friendly and outgoing, but hes completely opposite! He never quiet and doesn't talk to people unless they talk to him. we are totally different, but when we are together we are exactly the same! we love each other a lot, but the trust issues i have with him are killing us!
NordicStripes Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Oh, I didn't realize you cheated on someone as well... Well... I'm sorry to say this, but then what's the problem? You both t-did exactly the same thing? He dated someone else, you dated someone else. He cheated on her, you cheated on him... Hmmm yes, I don't think you can blame him for doing something you did yourself... sorry!
Author blahblahr Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 so pretty much its just a bad relationship....
NordicStripes Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Well. I think the basic question is: do you love each other enough to want to make this work? If so, you have to get over the fact that he was with someone else. And since you were too... Do you think he could be 'the one'?
Author blahblahr Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 we both want to make it work. we both have promise rings and he told me he wants to marry me and he's saving up money for my ring already. I think we'll end up together, but i don't want my insecurities about the past ruin us. If he can forget about the stuff i did then i can forget about the stuff he did too. Its just going to take awhile...
MisterB Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Don't give up on it then , if you are both willing to work past it , then it can work. The trust will come again with time.
Author blahblahr Posted September 13, 2011 Author Posted September 13, 2011 thanks! :] do you have any advice on how to get over things and trust him?
MisterB Posted September 13, 2011 Posted September 13, 2011 Well he's going to have to earn he's trust with you. Because trust is not given it is earned. My advice would be to try to spend as much quality time with him. Like that things will get back to normal naturally. Try some fun things to try to get rid of the akwardness , and have a clear head.
Author blahblahr Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 the problem is that we are in a long distance now.... I only get to see him every 4 months when i have time. we talk every couple days. We are pretty busy with our lives, but we somehow have been trying to make it work.
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