LuluinAZ Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Hi everyone, I've been a lurker for a long time and am hoping for your insight and opinions, please. No spring chickens, my sweetheart and I met 4 years ago and dated long distance while my my daughter finished high school and lived with me at home. He was very thoughtful and considerate of us and we both believed that kids come first. We looked forward to when she went to college so we could "run away from home" together. We had a great relationship, he is a wonderful man. We did have a few problems with intimacy, which got us off on the wrong foot, but I have no doubt they could be worked through. We loved each other and I believe still do. To cut to the chase, we parted and came back together a few times. We have a deep love and respect and he told me I was the love of his life. His wife died years before and he had been emotionally unavailable, and I think having a LD relationship was getting his feet wet. Anyway, last year I suffered a loss and called him. He dropped everything (new girlfriend where he lives), came here and helped. Because of my loss, I was unable to commit to the life he wanted as I needed the time to heal. He went home, reunited with his lady (but I didn't know this) and I have taken the time to get myself together (do I have to mention hormones? I guess I do!) and settle in with the empty nest. This summer he emailed me that he was coming through my area and would I like to have coffee? I was attending a wedding out of town and said, please try again on your way back home and that I would love to. My daughter says I seemed much happier when I was with him (I've dated a few people) why don't I try to see him again? His email said he was selling his house and starting a new chapter in his life. I wrote him that if he was starting a new chapter, I hoped that he would consider writing me into it because in the past year I have come a long way towards being a good and loving partner. That I was ready and had learned a lot and had clawed my way back to good health and happiness through hard work. He said, that's great and under any other circumstances he would be at my door, that I'm his big love, but he's in a relationship and he won't just drop everything and run up here and have me change my mind. He went back to the woman he left before and he won't throw her away again. He says he is not that happy with where he is living and is considering moving away and when I asked him if he was in love with her and happy and if this was permanent he was vague. He also said you never know what the future may bring, and he accidentally called me his pet name for me. I took that as an open door to prove to him that I meant it and wrote him a few times with reasons he could trust what I said. I took it to mean he wanted me to show him I was sincere. He used to say that it was my turn to do all the work to show me, the way he did before. Anyway, we were supposed to meet for coffee as he went through again and I wrote him the night before that I was nervous and excited and he wrote back that he's in a relationship and he thought he made that clear that we could just be friends and if I'm going to get the wrong idea, maybe we shouldn't meet. I said, you're right, I'm acting weird, I'm sorry, maybe we can meet as friends someday, but it's best not to for now. Why did he let me carry on for 2 months and make an ass out of myself? Does anyone else think he was sending me mixed messages? My dignity took a huge hit, but I felt he deserved it because his did before and I wanted to show him my feelings for him were more important than my ego. I won't contact him again but am hoping a man can explain this to me. Thank you in advance!
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