polka_dot_pixie Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Hello, I posted here a year ago regarding a guy I was seeing that lived an hour away (we were at different universities) that suddenly dropped all contact with me, after 2 weeks he finally told me not to come and see him and I took that as a hint that he wanted it over... Well call me a complete idiot but around 6 months later we got back into contact, he apologised but couldn't explain what had happened, ours is a long long history which I won't go into right now but if anyone wishes to know anything then please just ask, either way I agreed to trying again with him only this time we were aware that he had these issues that made him vanish and/or end the relationship. Around May time he did start doing a disappearing act at the same time he did his exams, he would vary between no contact and inappropriate sexual txts, I put up with this hoping that we would be stronger this time and get through it, I also did not want to be the one to end it again like I had the year before, but as 'luck' would have it after 6 weeks of this the exam season was over, and he shamefully came back around. We spoke but again he said he didn't know why he suddenly shuts me out and ignores me, he acted as though he wasn't even fully aware he does it, that he hadn't broken up with me, that.. well I have no idea! We got back on track and we are now into our 9 month of being together (bearing in mind we've been trying to sort stuff out for 2 and half years now), however he has just left to go and study abroad for a year, we have spoken about this for the past 9 months, and up until he left last week things were fine, he was talking about how to work out my visits, offering to pay half or all, saying things we could do, he took one of my books with him and asked me to bring a few of his back to him when I go over and visit. He said I love you and see you soon, gave me a hug and that was the last time I saw him. He phoned me from the ferry and that was all fine too. He arrived there last thursday and was on skype very briefly, I was about to have a bath and he said he would speak to me when I got back, but he wasn't online, he reappeared, I said hello, and then he went back offline again. I've not heard a single thing since, all my emails haven't been replied to, and I'm pretty sure he has since blocked me on skype. Now obviously I got concerned so I did a little 'stalking' of websites I know he goes to (I do not have a facebook account but he does, and I could see via friends that he has been on in the past week), and he has been active so I'm starting to take it personally and wonder if I've been dumped but not told. I really am so, so, confused because we left everything totally fine, no arguments, no ridiculous accusations, and I truly thought he was over his strange little moods of vanishing on me. I know from past experience that to keep sending him stuff usually makes him run the opposite way, especially if you confront him with the dreaded 'are we still together?' questioning. I don't want to drive him away if he's just settling in and doesn't really want to speak to me right now, but surely if he was wanting to split up he would have done this before he left? or there might have been a sign I would've picked up on in the previous few weeks? Any help would be greatly appreciated as I am going out of my mind with worry, sadly my brother died about 2 months ago after a battle with cancer and I keep wondering if he was thinking of splitting he was too cowardly to do it face to face for this reason and decided just to ignore me until I do it, but again, surely there may have been some clues? I am 24 and he is 23 btw, we met 4 years ago at college and went to different universities but still always wanted to be together so we are sort of used to long distance, just not when one of us is abroad..
creighton0123 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Not to point fingers, but it seems as though he is behaving in such a way that is lacking in emotional/romantic attraction. The inappropriate sexual txt messages could indicate that he is lacking the proper context of a physical attraction and going through what he believes to be "the motions". I did all of these things to my ex-girlfriend (the last of the ex-girlfriends, to be precise) before I admitted to myself that I was, in fact, gay. While that might be the case with your bf, he seems lacking the emotional/romantic attraction that provides incentive for regular and reliable communication.
Author polka_dot_pixie Posted September 15, 2011 Author Posted September 15, 2011 That is an interesting notion, but I can't really tell, he definitely gets turned on around me but I suppose that is not evidence enough. But moving back to my original post, I did hear from him about 2/3 days after I wrote this, he blamed his internet connection for his lack of communication which I did not believe but it was nice just to hear something from him. We have now spoken nearly every day since on skype and I've made 2 phone calls to him, but this insecurity has not shifted, I've booked my tickets to go and visit in 3 weeks (something that I checked was ok with him before booking) and I should be excited, and I'd hope he is too, but he's still seeming disinterested. He mostly is 'invisible' on skype and half the time I just take a chance and message him anyways, he then will chat with me but it makes me wonder 'why is he hiding? and he could see I was online so why not say anything?' I am getting totally baffled, as I've stated before just before he left things were fine and happy and positive, but since he's left he's really been distant (pardon the pun), and it's hurting because it seems like it's only me he's keeping like this. I just want some clarification, I don't want to ask him about it just yet because he's still settling into living and studying abroad, and I'd rather do it in person anyways, but my insecurity and jealously is starting to massively eat away at me. Any help would be appreciated.
creighton0123 Posted September 16, 2011 Posted September 16, 2011 Pixie, It sounds like he is suffering from some sort of depression. When you're in person, you should have a heart-to-heart with him. Something is wrong and he is not communicating with you what it is.
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