LZ2000 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 (edited) This issue has been bugging me for about a month. My girlfriend and I love each other dearly, however it seems that lately, she has very little time for me due to a commitment to a special interest group (for privacy's sake, the nature of the group will not be revealed) that she has made and is currently engaged in. The problem is that she told me that the special interest group gives her much stress and makes her tired. And at times, she felt uncomfortable being in it and has told me that she wished she left it about a month ago. She even told me that she will leave the group soon (and I approve of this), but "soon" seems to be a period that would last more than a month. But she still is a member of that special interest group. At times, I wonder why she has persisted in staying with that group. I also wonder if she is being "chained up" by her own self imposed obligations to that group. And I can see the obvious signs of her being stressed and withdrawn somewhat. What can i do at this point in time ? My patience is running out and I have been trying to reason with my emotions of jealousy, and I made it a point never to force her to do something she doesn't want to do. Please advice, i am at my wit's end. Edited September 9, 2011 by LZ2000
smudge21 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I think we face similar at times; someone doing something that is either not good for them or not right for them, and we wish them to stop but they don't. Without knowing much about this group it's hard to give you specific ideas, but clearly you need to keep talking and remind her of what this is doing to her. Commitments are one thing, even to a good cause, but when those commitments start affecting us or those around us, it's time to make some changes. You don't want to keep on at her as that will push her away, but in the same sense you don't want to go quiet about it as you feel she'll just carry on and you've got a lot to say and want to help. It's a tough call. I was faced with similar not long ago over someone very special making some bad life choices. I decided to air those views and things got heated but luckily she understood why I was being like that. I didn't push it anymore as it was clear I was pushing her away, and in my opinion it was better to have her know I was there for her, rather than lose contact altogether. All you can do is talk but be honest and don't hide how this is also affecting you.
Eddie Edirol Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 She obviously wont leave the group because of anything you say. Theres some reason she wants to stay in it but wont tell you. I suggest you stop trying to get her out of the group and make new incentive for her. For some reason, there isnt enough incentive in losing time with you for her to quit. So YOU need to pull back completely. You need to start going someplace that takes up your time away from her when you are supposed to be together. Let her miss you. That way she feels the sting of rejection, from you, and only then she may begin to understand that she should leave the group. If she wont make more time for you, then she doesnt want to be with you, I dont buy her excuses of being a victim in all this. Shes there because she wants to be there, in a volunteer group. You need to stop nagging her about not spending time with you, and start to act like you dont care. When she sees the change, he will either start asking you whats going on, or she will pull away. If she pulls away, then she wanted to get away from you, and you have to accept that she has been looking for a reason to back away from you.
Author LZ2000 Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 Thank you, for your responses. Your replies are much appreciated and I wish the both of you the best in your personal lives and in love.
Author LZ2000 Posted September 16, 2011 Author Posted September 16, 2011 UPDATE! I received an email response from my girlfriend. In her email, she described to me the reasons why she is staying in her special interest group. The person in charge has been afflicted with a physical condition and had to go for surgery, apparently the head of the group is recovering from the surgery and has much difficulty in handling the group's daily affairs. Therefore, she has no choice but to stay, as much as she wants to leave, she does not have the heart to do so. So, i've learnt something about my girlfriend, the past few days. She is a soft hearted caring individual who does not have the heart to hurt anyone. I know that she is such an individual when we were together, but I never realized the degree and depth of her compassion up till now. Honestly, I don't know if this a bad thing or good thing in this tricky situation. Lately, it seems that she talks to me much lesser, although I feel she is being genuine towards me. Perhaps she is tired and frustrated with this whole situation ? So much so that she isn't in the mood to talk ? I don't know. Or maybe she needs some space for herself to unwind............. Anyway, this is what happened so far, let me guys know what you think, i will keep updating this thread of mine to receive good and useful advice. God bless, LZ
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