AHardDaysNight Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 It seems crazy to me that these women would want you to keep pursuing them, even after they gave you the f*ck off signals.
singlelife Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Have had this happen several times. Usually for me the way it played out was we had some dates. I asked out for another, she gave a very bad excuse for not being able to go, or canceled at the last minute for a very bad reason. I quit calling reasoning that her actions reflected a lack of interest. Later, sometimes years later, I hear from them or a mutual acquaintance, "so and so really wanted to go out with you, but you quit calling," the implication being that it was my fault for messing up somehow. They never seemed to be able to connect the dots between their questionable behavior, their canceling dates or having poor excuses for not going on a date, and my loss of interest in them. I just assumed it was because there are lots of dumbass guys in the world who keep trying with a woman even if neither of them are very interested, because he thinks it's what he is supposed to do to win the girl due to too many movies or bad advice, so women think all men will be stupid in that way. Now I know in addition to dumb men that it's also due to many women refusing to apply any kind of reasoning to their personal lives. They seem to do fine at work, school or standardized tests, but somehow very simple reasoning breaks down when it comes to basic dating conduct. No idea why other than it preserves certain advantages for them in relationships. They can be shrewd when it's advantageous to be so, and turn on a dime and act completely naive and stupid when it benefits them. Very good points. Interesting how that happens.
rightfield Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I recently dated a girl for about a month. First week we met, we went out three times. At the end of the 3rd date, she asked me if I wanted to date exclusively. I agreed to it, and found out several days later that she had freaked herself out in offering that. So I backed off for a week, and stayed in touch with funny text messages. We went out again after about 10 days, and she told me that I had handled it perfectly, that I was the "total package" (her words) and "I don't want you to dump me." The rest of the date was all kissy and hand holdy, and touchy. We went out a few days later and she was totally different. After that, she stopped returning phone calls. So this past Sunday, I left one last message and left the ball in her court. If she is waiting for me to pursue her after all of that, she has another thing coming. I'm 43 and too old for that crap. Besides, in the midst of all of that, a younger girl approached me, in person, and is now doing everything she can to let me know how interested she is.
ThsAmericanLife Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I have a friend of mine who had met through parties or through friends asked them about getting together or in some cases, they'd even be proactive about asking him out or at least say, "Here's my #, give me a call and we'll get together sometime" He calls them or emails them once or twice, but never gets a response and moves on. But, he does have a tendency to bump into these same women through social get together, and they actually have the nerve to ask him, "So how come you stopped calling?!" And he'd be baffled and say, "Well, I called, and you didn't return my calls or emails" And they say some excuse like, "Well, things had been 'crazy' in my life, etc etc." They actually expected him to keep incessantly pursuing them. LOL This thread is kind of a follow-up to "dating wasn't the same way in my grandparents day", but it got locked for whatever reason. These women actually encouraged stalkerish behavior. Any people here met women like this? I heard something about how some women have stated that if a man isn't persistent, she knows he's NOT interested. Seems like a lose-lose situation in the dating world. I expect men to persist past the 'magical' 3-4 date rule... definately. However, I wouldn't expect him to persist if I didn't respond to emails/texts/phone calls etc... Then again, I'm always very clear. Even if it has only been a few dates, I always do my best to let him know what my interest level is. If I don't see a match, I just say so...
ThsAmericanLife Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I have a male friend who described the precision situation that the OP mentions. There was a woman who who made vague promises of dates and would drop in and out of communication. He concluded that he cannot pursue anyone without reciprocity. He confronted the woman and told her that he didn't want to talk to her anymore. He's an honest person and isn't afraid of speaking his mind. I don't think he cared what her motives were - he focused on her hurtful actions. This kind of thing happens in friendship too. I've had to let go of friends because I had to do always do things on their terms - go to their places and parties. It's exhausting to chase someone who is too busy with more "important" things. I'd rather give them up altogether. You make a very good point, Cee. There are people who just have bad manners... they probably treat their friends and potential dates the same way. I don't tolerate anyone (for long) who doesn't make an effort to reciprocate, who cancels at the last minute, or makes a habit of 'better dealing' me. Doesn't matter if it is a guy I like or a friend (male/female). Behavior like that just shows a basic lack of consideration.... Not worth my time.
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