irc333 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I have a friend of mine who had met through parties or through friends asked them about getting together or in some cases, they'd even be proactive about asking him out or at least say, "Here's my #, give me a call and we'll get together sometime" He calls them or emails them once or twice, but never gets a response and moves on. But, he does have a tendency to bump into these same women through social get together, and they actually have the nerve to ask him, "So how come you stopped calling?!" And he'd be baffled and say, "Well, I called, and you didn't return my calls or emails" And they say some excuse like, "Well, things had been 'crazy' in my life, etc etc." They actually expected him to keep incessantly pursuing them. LOL This thread is kind of a follow-up to "dating wasn't the same way in my grandparents day", but it got locked for whatever reason. These women actually encouraged stalkerish behavior. Any people here met women like this? I heard something about how some women have stated that if a man isn't persistent, she knows he's NOT interested. Seems like a lose-lose situation in the dating world.
rafallus Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 They do it for attention and ego stroking.
smudge21 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 They do it for attention and ego stroking. True and when the chasing stops, the ego is bruised, so they ask why. Is there a pattern to the types of girls or where he meets them, as I can honestly say, they don't all act like that.
Cee Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I have a male friend who described the precision situation that the OP mentions. There was a woman who who made vague promises of dates and would drop in and out of communication. He concluded that he cannot pursue anyone without reciprocity. He confronted the woman and told her that he didn't want to talk to her anymore. He's an honest person and isn't afraid of speaking his mind. I don't think he cared what her motives were - he focused on her hurtful actions. This kind of thing happens in friendship too. I've had to let go of friends because I had to do always do things on their terms - go to their places and parties. It's exhausting to chase someone who is too busy with more "important" things. I'd rather give them up altogether.
LZ2000 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I have a friend of mine who had met through parties or through friends asked them about getting together or in some cases, they'd even be proactive about asking him out or at least say, "Here's my #, give me a call and we'll get together sometime" He calls them or emails them once or twice, but never gets a response and moves on. But, he does have a tendency to bump into these same women through social get together, and they actually have the nerve to ask him, "So how come you stopped calling?!" And he'd be baffled and say, "Well, I called, and you didn't return my calls or emails" And they say some excuse like, "Well, things had been 'crazy' in my life, etc etc." They actually expected him to keep incessantly pursuing them. LOL This thread is kind of a follow-up to "dating wasn't the same way in my grandparents day", but it got locked for whatever reason. These women actually encouraged stalkerish behavior. Any people here met women like this? I heard something about how some women have stated that if a man isn't persistent, she knows he's NOT interested. Seems like a lose-lose situation in the dating world. This is severely unhealthy. The emotions of lovers or people who want to fall in love should never be toyed around with.
SillyS Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Oh yeah, a lot of men lose out on women because they on a weird scale didn't try hard enough. I hear it from my female friends all the time.One of my friends was just casually talking to some guy, like 2-3 times max TALKING on facebook/texting, and she expected him to bring her flowers when she had a small routine surgery or sent her a Facebook message. And because he didn't, that means he wasn't into her. Perhaps she was right, but the standard of what men are suppose to do when they care about us is totally out of whack these days. If a man really cares about you, then he will climb mountains and swim oceans concept is just so extreme. It's not romantic, if you try too hard, you tip the equality scale against you and come off needy and desperate. Last time I checked, we don't want stalkers or men that beg us for dates/sex etc. Some women romantise this behavior and perhaps movies play a role in that as well. I mean the Notebook for example, when Noah does those things in the beginning of the movie to get the girl, because "he has to have her and he will do anything to get her" mentality is adorable to some women. They believe that men have to give a certain amount of effort to get them. My point is, my gender has its down sides as well. My apologies for any man that has dealt with that or still deals with that.
mo mo Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Oh yeah, a lot of men lose out on women because they on a weird scale didn't try hard enough. I hear it from my female friends all the time.One of my friends was just casually talking to some guy, like 2-3 times max TALKING on facebook/texting, and she expected him to bring her flowers when she had a small routine surgery or sent her a Facebook message. And because he didn't, that means he wasn't into her. Perhaps she was right, but the standard of what men are suppose to do when they care about us is totally out of whack these days. If a man really cares about you, then he will climb mountains and swim oceans concept is just so extreme. It's not romantic, if you try too hard, you tip the equality scale against you and come off needy and desperate. Last time I checked, we don't want stalkers or men that beg us for dates/sex etc. Some women romantise this behavior and perhaps movies play a role in that as well. I mean the Notebook for example, when Noah does those things in the beginning of the movie to get the girl, because "he has to have her and he will do anything to get her" mentality is adorable to some women. They believe that men have to give a certain amount of effort to get them. My point is, my gender has its down sides as well. My apologies for any man that has dealt with that or still deals with that. Agree with this post 1000% I'll give a quick example: When I first started dating, I used to give lots of compliments. I wasn't gassing anyone, I was always sincere. Some women appreciated them. However, after meeting a few women that either didn't appreciate them or got mad at me for giving them, I decided to cut down on them significantly. The point is that when a guy first meets a girl, he doesn't really know what he's getting into and he isn't sure about how much attention he needs to give. Every person is different and there is no proven method that works on everyone. What one woman might deem sweet another woman might deem as needy or clingy.
betterdeal Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Ah, the want to be wanted. Known a fair few girls like that. Known a couple of boys like that too, come to think of it.
Spices Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 (edited) They probably do it because they aren't interested. Sometimes if a guy texts or calls me & I'm not really interested then I won't respond, or I'll rarely respond because I don't want to lead him on. I figure that they'll eventually get the hint sooner or later. Sometimes they don't... and I'll have to tell them I'm not interested & would rather be friends. Sometimes they still don't go away after that & continue to ask me out on dates... in that case, I stop responding all together. It has nothing to do with ego stroking, because I actually feel bad/annoyed about it. If I actually like the guy then I'll always respond. Edited September 9, 2011 by Spices
Spices Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Oh yeah, a lot of men lose out on women because they on a weird scale didn't try hard enough. I hear it from my female friends all the time.One of my friends was just casually talking to some guy, like 2-3 times max TALKING on facebook/texting, and she expected him to bring her flowers when she had a small routine surgery or sent her a Facebook message. And because he didn't, that means he wasn't into her. Perhaps she was right, but the standard of what men are suppose to do when they care about us is totally out of whack these days. If a man really cares about you, then he will climb mountains and swim oceans concept is just so extreme. It's not romantic, if you try too hard, you tip the equality scale against you and come off needy and desperate. Last time I checked, we don't want stalkers or men that beg us for dates/sex etc. Some women romantise this behavior and perhaps movies play a role in that as well. I mean the Notebook for example, when Noah does those things in the beginning of the movie to get the girl, because "he has to have her and he will do anything to get her" mentality is adorable to some women. They believe that men have to give a certain amount of effort to get them. My point is, my gender has its down sides as well. My apologies for any man that has dealt with that or still deals with that. A guy did this for me once. Went through a lot to see me again, and went through a lot to get me to actually date him... I don't think he was used to taking no as an answer. He even showed up at my job. He ended up being married.
rafallus Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 They probably do it because they aren't interested. Sometimes if a guy texts or calls me & I'm not really interested then I won't respond, or I'll rarely respond because I don't want to lead him on. I figure that they'll eventually get the hint sooner or later. Sometimes they don't... and I'll have to tell them I'm not interested & would rather be friends. Sometimes they still don't go away after that & continue to ask me out on dates... in that case, I stop responding all together. It has nothing to do with ego stroking, because I actually feel bad/annoyed about it. Because OP doesn't describe your situation. Some women (and presumably men too, I don't date them, so I don't know), want to keep guys around, even if they aren't interested in dating them - for attention/validation/ego boosting. You, as described, didn't want to keep them around - which is rather fundamental difference.
GivenUp0083 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 IRC, I don't think I've ever seen someone have as much trouble with dating as you do.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I think there is a maturity aspect to it as well. Real "women" don't do this.
Disillusioned Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 It's like the lyrics of that old song say: "If you just give love And never get love You better let love Depart." Story of my life. The people who make Realdolls and mannequins are very grateful for people like me!
grkBoy Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Frankly, those GIRLS are just playing games. They'll never date your friend, they just want attention. Trust me, a man they want to date they won't play games with. Move on...known loads of those women in my past. Guess what? They're still single, playing games, and lamenting on why they can't find a "decent man".
coolheadal Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 The ones that say they really don't want a boyfriend right now, just go out as friends.
sm1tten Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I don't personally know any women who do that anymore, but a former friend of mine was like that. Not only did she enjoy the attention from men she wasn't really that into, she wanted that SHAZAM MAGIC BS you get from the movies of being in a relationship. (Un)luckily for her, no guy she dated was ever really having that and she's rapidly becoming a bitter assed troll.
phineas Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Frankly, those GIRLS are just playing games. They'll never date your friend, they just want attention. Trust me, a man they want to date they won't play games with. Move on...known loads of those women in my past. Guess what? They're still single, playing games, and lamenting on why they can't find a "decent man". yeah, I know a few like this also. all the decent men are in high orbit around her & she's only dating the jerks on ground level that dump her when the next piece comes around.
dasein Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Have had this happen several times. Usually for me the way it played out was we had some dates. I asked out for another, she gave a very bad excuse for not being able to go, or canceled at the last minute for a very bad reason. I quit calling reasoning that her actions reflected a lack of interest. Later, sometimes years later, I hear from them or a mutual acquaintance, "so and so really wanted to go out with you, but you quit calling," the implication being that it was my fault for messing up somehow. They never seemed to be able to connect the dots between their questionable behavior, their canceling dates or having poor excuses for not going on a date, and my loss of interest in them. I just assumed it was because there are lots of dumbass guys in the world who keep trying with a woman even if neither of them are very interested, because he thinks it's what he is supposed to do to win the girl due to too many movies or bad advice, so women think all men will be stupid in that way. Now I know in addition to dumb men that it's also due to many women refusing to apply any kind of reasoning to their personal lives. They seem to do fine at work, school or standardized tests, but somehow very simple reasoning breaks down when it comes to basic dating conduct. No idea why other than it preserves certain advantages for them in relationships. They can be shrewd when it's advantageous to be so, and turn on a dime and act completely naive and stupid when it benefits them.
Disillusioned Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Guess what? They're still single, playing games, and lamenting on why they can't find a "decent man". Nah, not really. They've crossed over and become lesbians.
April72 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 (edited) The only guy that ever pursued me like that I ended up marrying. I would have never married him if he hadn't pursued me so intensly. It didn't work out... and we are divorced.... but we are still very dear friends and I don't regret the marriage at all. Edited September 9, 2011 by April72
insaneinthebrain Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 The only guy that ever pursued me like that I ended up marrying. I would have never married him if he hadn't pursued me so intensly. It didn't work out... and we are divorced.... but we are still very dear friends and I don't regret the marriage at all. Your still frinds with an ex husband.. how did that happen ?
DenumChkn Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I just posted on this same topic recently: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t303225/ The first two responses I got were from women saying that, at least in the early stages, they always expect the guy to do the heavy lifting of making contact and arranging meetings. What confuses me is deciphering when she is doing this just to be genial, and when she is doing it because she is genuinely romantically interested. However if a girl straight up DOES NOT respond to me or takes excessively long to do so and has lame excuses as to why, I might only try contact one or two more times (if it all depending on my own level of interest) before I leave the ball in her court permanently. Girls say they hate 'playing games' constantly, yet every single last one of them I have encountered requires you to play these silly courtship games in the early going. My last gf was the only one where it was straightforward: Tells her friend at a party that she likes me, I chat her up, we kiss and exchange numbers. After a couple weeks of talking we meet up again and begin dating. If only it were always that simple...
monkey00 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I've found that when you chase a woman, you'll likely run into 3 types: (this is based off past experiences with women) 1) The woman that's romantically interested, and is genuinely busy with her life as you're not a priority but accepts dates when you make them or counter-offers. She will make time to talk/text with you and go on dates. 2) You pursue her consistently but not desperately and try to keep in touch. She often claims that she's busy when you try to make plans. However she's okay with keeping in touch with you, leaving you with a possible opening. This kind of woman just needs time to figure out whether she likes you (and/or wants to be friends first before dating) and wants to go out with you or continue going out with you. She can either be an inexperienced dater or has been hurt in the past. 3) Play hard to get = never to get = attention seeker. She's using you to boost her ego, especially if the girl is already in a relationship. This kind can be the most friendliest and flirtatious if she knows you want to get into her pants.
joystickd Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 There is a reason and its because women value flattering attention and entertaining companionship in the same manner that men value hand jobs and blowjobs
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