Feel weak not strong about NC

[Dblock10]

I feel that i am in fact being weak by retaining NC rather than staying in contact with my ex. and it just hit me today.

 

its been 5 weeks of NC and 5 weeks since we have been broken up. she leaves the country to travel for 6 months, hence the break up.

 

obviously i wanted to make it work but she didn't really want it. and i do miss her and i am finding it hard that she is leaving toward end of this month. so fairly soon.

 

i have been in nc to heal and to just try and move forward. however, i feel i am being weak by not feeling able to stay in contact with her? when really should i be a man and stay in contact and try and deal with my emotions rather than block my feelings for her? i never stopped liking her, and i thought it was the same for her. this is why the 5 weeks of nothing from her has hurt me deep.

 

and sending her a take care txt before she leaves has been playing on my mind to. but my family say she doesnt really deserve it tbh.

 

so confused.

Edited September 9, 2011 by Dblock10

[silly_panda]

Hey Dblock10... I had been following your story for quite some time now and on how are you coping... Everyone here know that it is hard to keep NC... But you had been able to do it for 5weeks and still going strong now... I respect that...

 

But I will say you are really emotionally unstable now... And you are very close of breaking NC... Well, we will never know what will happen if you do that... But from all the thread that I had read here, it always end up badly when someone breaks NC... So I hope you keep that at the back of your mind... Sending her a 'take care' text is totally fine and I personally think it's a way of being a gentlemen... But take the text as just it is... Just a text to wish her 'good luck'... Don't expect anything from that... I hope you get better man... Hang in there...

[Dblock10]

thats the thing, its been 5 weeks. if i don't talk to her now, chances of talking to her whilst away will be very slim to none.

 

5 weeks is good. but i dream about her more now than i did back then:S

 

thats right, if i did break it who knows what would happen, i also know that a lot of break ups on here leave people bitter. like i once was.

 

this not contacting her is turning me bitter, because of the why's and hows and how could she etc. its too hard to let it go but i know i have to. i don't have a choice since she is leaving and we broke up.

 

this really is horrible. makes me feel sick.

 

if i break no contact i really dont know how the conversation would go, but i also know i cant impulsively make a decision based on fear and weakness.

 

it feels like its coming to a time where i just need to contact her that one last time.

 

not just simply sending one more polite gentlemanly txt.

 

sigh fml

[ScienceGal]

What happened to sending her a message on her birthday? We talked about this!

 

You're just getting nervous because she is leaving. But remember, she IS leaving. You can't change that. Speaking to her will not make things better. 5 weeks is not a long time, so do NOT think that you should have progressed further by now. You are fine. You are doing great!

 

No one said this would be easy. Stay strong!

[LelouchIsZero]

Hey Dblock,

 

Just a quick question, what do you think is going to happen if you break NC?

[smudge21]

5 weeks is still nothing, even though it feels like a life time to you. To her, all this planning on the move etc has probably meant those weeks have flown by. You make contact now in order to speak, then I can't really see it having any positive effect on you.

 

I still stand by what I said about sending a polite text moments before she leaves, but not for a response, just because it's a nice thing to do. Simply wishing her well.

 

You will feel like this and it will last for a long time - in fact, everyday you feel this way just makes you feel this way even worse, as you concentrate on your feelings and thus strengthen them. Believe me, I was where you are not so long ago. Yeah, I still have bad days, but they're easier to handle. I can kinda' accept the loss, even though it still hurts. And yes, I still have moments where it seems to overwhelm me.

 

You need to keep busy best you can and stay away from breaking NC, other than to wish her well. See it from her viewpoint - right now she's probably so busy with everything going on, do you really think her heart or head is going to be ready to speak to you about all this? You really think it's a good time to contact her?

[Diatribes]

sending her a take care txt before she leaves has been playing on my mind to. but my family say she doesnt really deserve it tbh.

 

Listen to your family. The girl doesn't deserve your attention. You'll find one that does, eventually.

 

Grat$ on 5 weeks bro, you're one-up on me

[Dblock10]

i knew there was a reason i post on this forum, cause of you guys. you have screwed my head back on once again.

 

science gal Yeah birthday message I could do I suppose, it would have to be through face book messages though since leaving it on her wall would be like a needle in a hay stack. also what if she doesnt take her phone, or uses a different phone number or something :s ?

 

yeah i am getting nervous and panic'd

 

just other people have mentioned sending a fair well good luck txt a day or on the day before she leaves.... and that is playing on my mind an awful lot.

 

@lelouch , ermm I really don't know :S I guess I hope inside of me somewhere that she may have changed her mind about it all. or that she is still "there for me" and that I know she still cares or has feelings for me, or something.

 

i never thought of it that way, 5 weeks isnt that long to her. although she is working 65 hours + to save for it... so probably has no time or energy to do anything else.

 

yeah the good luck polite text is an issue... unsure where i stand on that view.

 

yeah up and down moments hurt.

 

 

i have started a new job, and ill be working on a bar until i start uni, so that may help i hope. Hmm from her view point i see what you mean. do you think she will expect a txt from me or be slightly hurt if i didn't?

i spoke to some people and they said not to, as they don't want to see me get hooked again before she leaves, or that truthfully she doesn't really deserve me putting myself out there when she wasn't bothered.

 

i did in a previous post discuss sending a birthday message etc.

Edited September 9, 2011 by Dblock10

[Diatribes]

I guess I hope inside of me somewhere that she may have changed her mind about it all. or that she is still "there for me" and that I know she still cares or has feelings for me, or something.

 

If she felt this way, she'd be contacting you to relay these feelings.

 

do you think she will expect a txt from me or be slightly hurt if i didn't?.

 

Don't care if she's "slightly hurt". How much hurt and slight have you endured from her?

 

i spoke to some people and they said not to, as they don't want to see me get hooked again before she leaves, or that truthfully she doesn't really deserve me putting myself out there when she wasn't bothered.

 

As I keep saying, listen to your friends and family. They, more than anyone, will have more insight into your problems and more-than-likely (one would hope) give you the best advice on how to deal with this.

Edited September 9, 2011 by Diatribes

[ConfusedT]

exactly, if she wants you, nothing will stop her from contacting you, but NC is the best way to go in my opinion. If she responds, it could be crumbs, if she ignores, it might actually be a better option, BUT it is still immature.

 

either way, the results will NOT be what you are looking for. you contacting her will not make her profess her love for you, she has to do that on her own, if she even does in the first place!

[LelouchIsZero]

@lelouch , ermm I really don't know :S I guess I hope inside of me somewhere that she may have changed her mind about it all. or that she is still "there for me" and that I know she still cares or has feelings for me, or something.

 

But if she does, she'll get in contact with you. You contacting her no real reason isn't really going to do much, if anything it could annoy her.

 

As others have said, I think sending a nice, polite text before she leaves would be the best thing to do -- though of course, at the end of the day its up to you to decide.

[Dblock10]

good advice here.

 

seems to be wether to wish her good luck before she leaves or not. i know it would be nice but, my close friends, close family say not to. she doesnt deserve me putting my self out when she hasnt bothered with me.

 

so hard for me to decide this.

[Diatribes]

she hasnt bothered with me.

 

she wasn't bothered.

 

You're setting yourself up for a setback, bro. I wouldn't bother with sending her anything.

 

good advice here.

[Dblock10]

tbh i probably wont. just feel down in the dumps that i fell for her, i really like this girl and everything about her (apart from her attitude now) and i feel hurt she hasnt or most likely wont say anything to me before she leaves or who knows once shes back. such is life

[Diatribes]

tbh i probably wont. just feel down in the dumps that i fell for her, i really like this girl and everything about her (apart from her attitude now) and i feel hurt she hasnt or most likely wont say anything to me before she leaves or who knows once shes back. such is life

 

I'm with you, bro. That's why we post here. I've used LS for a "shoulder" myself. We have your back, and we definitely feel for you.

[lymtal1]

DB,

 

I think I am with fellow LS'er on this one. Have been following your situation and I have to say that I am afraid that you may set yourself up for disappointment. You don't need more of that right now.

 

I think that regardless of whether you send a nice small txt wishing well and etc, (and I respect all that suggest this), you will, whether you think you can deal with it or not have expectations on her reply.

 

Here are two scenairos that may happen and I don't like either one for you. One, you send, you feel better because to some degree you have reached out and touched her, you never hear anything back. You feel like s*** because of how expectations drive us related to hope. Two, you send, she txts something back that you really don't want to hear or something that may even leave you feeling worse. Think of the absolute worst message you could get. Are you ready for that as a possiblity?

 

Either are no win situations. In fact, there is not a situation that is going to be good given what she has going on in her life. She is not with you by her choice. You have not heard from her in five weeks for a reason. And by the way you should be so proud that you have been able to do this for five weeks. I did not. You are a great example. The pain that I felt that sixth week was something I do not want you to feel. I thought this could not hurt. What is the worst that could happen, we did not have a bad break-up. She is really a great girl. I haven't slept in a week. Don't do it please.

 

But ultimately it is your decision and no matter what we will be here for you no matter. It is very easy to sit here and give advice. It is very easy to tell someone that this may happen, that may happen. You have to decide what is in your heart and mind and no matter what happens don't second guess it later. We will support it regardless:)

[Dblock10]

DB,

 

thanks lymtal,

 

glad people have followed my story and are helping. the general consensus from people that know me and know my story very well with the ex tell me not to. thats like 5 of my best mates and my mother and farther.

 

i think sending a good luck txt is a "nice" and kind thing to do but ultimately iv'e not heard from her in 5 weeks so why should i bother doing that?

 

you are probably right, i probably would have underlying expectations and i would be scared about what reply if any i may get.

 

exactly, i think both outcomes are un favourable to me. and its not like i didn't go to see her and express myself, and i wished her good luck, i said goodbye, i told her if she would like to meet before going then i'm here.

 

my best girl mate says deffo don't txt her or anything as she hasn't even been a "friend" to me since then. about my nan and everything.

 

i do wonder why iv'e not heard from her in all this time, that plays on my mind a bit. and through my previous experience, i think she could have been seeing someone else maybe, like when i was in bed with her, if i touched her she said it tickles.. she never intimately kissed me.. but then again it could simply be because she doesn't want to be with me..

 

strange how people just change

 

5 weeks is good isn't it! i think its because i went through a similar thing with my first love. i went NC and stuck to it mainly and just knew there wasn't a way back due to her going off with another man. although i did see her a year later and had a go at her..

 

another friend of mine told me she did a similar thing with her ex sending "that" txt and she didnt hear back. she wished she didnt send it cause it lets them know your still bothered and gives them power

[antinko]

Dude, I wouldn't bother. It was my birthday yesterday and after she promised me she'd send me a best wishes message, she didn't. Now I could think a number of things: She doesn't care? She hates me now for some reason? She doesn't want to interrupt me or know what's going on in my life now because she might feel guilty? I don't know and it doesn't matter.

 

The point is that NC is best for you. It doesn't matter what she thinks or feels because you're history now and remaining friends is simply unhealthy.

 

Don't hurt yourself further.

[Dblock10]

I wouldn't not send a txt before she leaves out of bitterness but because i don't see the point and yeah maybe a bit of resentment from not hearing from her since the break up. it hurts that she has been this way to me and her not talking to me and most likely not talking to me again before she goes, shows to me how she doesn't care anyway. actions speak louder than words. i find this very hard to cope with. and that i am friends with her on facebook. i can picture photos of her that i really liked and they get me down.

 

i dont look on her profile, but when i think about her it really gets to me and i miss her so badly. makes me questions is this NC actually the best thing.

 

and it ran through my head about staying friends but that would be impossible anyway being as the facts remain she is off to travel for 6 months.. this is really a poo situation.

 

when i told her how i was finding everything hard to except, she once said to me sympathetically she was sorry for putting me in this position. this was before the official break up though.

 

she promised me she would make it up to me on my birthday but guess what, that "promise" of a "birthday weekend" never happened. she never made concrete plans for it.

 

 

it hurts when i think back to her attitude towards "us" when we would talk about it on the phone. its like we had one conversation about us, and then when i said i didn't think it would work it forced her to properly think about what she wanted, in the end it wasn't to stay with me. and it was too late for me to get a chance to stay with her whilst she goes. this is the hard thing for me to accept.

 

after one of those intial phone calls she wasnt bothered. she didnt really want to talk about us anymore. and was like " i thought we already talked about this"

Edited September 10, 2011 by Dblock10