Leigh 87 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I made a huge mistake; I broke up with my boyfriend, the first guy I have ever loved. I was also his first love. I just need some support, PLEASE. At age 25, I have only NOW learnt what it feels like to be "heartbroken". I am honestly, totally, utterly, completely heartbroken. It feels like the air is constantly being ripped out of my lungs. I made a HUGE mistake; him and I were better than ever, we felt closer than ever, and he told me he wants to be with me for a long time to come. his words. The reason I broke up with him was; due to being mentally ill, an eating disorder, I have started living my life as a propper adult later, at about age 23..... I went back to school and gained a score that will allow me to get into a University degree, for the next ten years. I am 25 now, and I have only just recovered from my eating disorder and my mental health issues... the trouble is, besides the fact that I CAN go and study a degree... I have no true friends; no job; and I have let my fitness go ( that is another thing I had going for me - I worked out and had a killer bod....). I thought that, " wow, My boyfriend and I are SO in love, everything is GREAT, I should take a break so that I can now fix my own life, so that I can be a better person and girlfriend to him". Unfortunately, I woke up to a HUGE nightmare; him leaving me for, good, and going back to his ex. By the way, his ex lives on the other wside of the world, he travelled with her; she speaks four languages, could be a model, has lots of friends, loves to party like my boyfriend does, and is also an amazing, kind, great person. The reason they are not together, is because they live on other sides of the world. I made a huge mistake breaking up with him; I could have worked on my issues, and bettered myself, WITH him in my life. I have lost my first love. I am truly lost for words. His still loves me, has plans for our future, and cannot deal with me getting with any other guy. He is on holidays on his dads boat for another week or two, and he said he wants us to get back together when he gets back. However, we had one last phone call, today, and we hve broken up.. I broke up with him.. And while he says he still feels the same way about me, he is not exactly taking me back right away. I just got off the phone to a friend, and he said that I basically broke up with him for NO reason; as did my other friend, a girl... They both think that I can fix my life, get fit, get a job, and better myself, all the while having a loving boyfriend to cheer me on. I made a mistake breaking up with him. He was such a great thing in my life to have, while I took it uponmyself to improve myself. I broke upw ith him, because I had a moment where i thought " hang on, I want to be able to have more things going on in my life, so that I do not rely on my boyfriends love to make me happy". I am very sad. Very sad. We had something special. He changed me, frm a girl who had an eating disosorder and had NO friends, and NEVER went out and partied or listened to live music, or had ANY sort of social fun...... My boyfriend has shown me how to be happy, and he is also my favourite person to be around, ever single day. Of course, with the occasional say off:).... I lived with him for months, and slept with him, hugging him every night. I cannot believe how... bad.. a broken heart feels like! Can you PLEASE share your thoughts? Do you think I made a mistake by trying to " get my life together " more, BEFORE being in a relationship with this guy? On the other hand, do you think I could have just joined a gym, gotten fit and healthy, and gotten a job and expanded my social circle, WITH my boyfriend in my life? I do have issues I need to address. For instance; I sent hi a long facebook msg the other day, because I love chatting to him. He knows I am more talkative with msgs and emails than he is; he sais he likes how I am. Although he says he LIKES the fact I shower him with so much attention, vis msgs and facebook chat type of communication, I feel that he does not love me the sae depth as I love him, because he did not respond to my facebook msg ( of course we chat every day even though he is on holiday, we chat all the time, so logically why WOULD he need to respond to a flipping fb msg....). WHAT do u all think? He says he loves me the same, nothing has changed with how he feels towards me, and has plans for our future; he wants to get back with me when he returns... I broke upw ith him when things between us were wonderful... He is not the type of guy to say " gorgsous" and be all " lovey" with girls... He didn't say those thigns with his ex, who he was falling in love with, and who he liked a great deal.... With me, he says " goodnight my special baby girl, love u sooooo much xoxoxoxoxoxxx". He also hated going down on girls, besides his ex ( which he only loved doing once), and he says he loves me, and in turn, enjoys it more and more, the more he loves me. I really have made a huge mistake; I have thrown away a special relationship. What the heck do I do? Of course, logically, I know I need to move on with my life, accept that I made a mistake by breaking up with him, and not beat myself up over it.... I need to start to get over him, and know that although he still loves me and wants to get back together; there is a chance that while he is away for the next couple of weeks, that he will lose his feelings for me, and drift away while he does not talk to me. I have to just get on with life, join a gym, get fit, and learn to live happily, without him. We may not ever sleep a night together again. THis makes me utterly sick, as I think we will get back together, just the thought of never being in his arms again makes me.... words cannot describe it... I may never have him again, so now I have to deal with this AWFUL heartbreak, and just learn ... learn to NEVER break up with a great love of mine again, when I am so happy with them. SUpport would be really good right now, as I have few friends... I am 25 and just starting my life, socially speaking, career wise, and the whole deal. We were blissfully happy a couple of days ago; now we have broken up. I cannot comprehend it. It still feels like I am his. He tells me I still am his gorgus girl. He still called me babe on our last phone call today.. he cannot help himself, that is what he calls me:((((( Many, Many tears guys....(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Author Leigh 87 Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 Wish some one had offered some advise or support, for getting over a person you truly love.... UPDATE: we talked on the phone all day... I was a mess, and needed to talk to him... I have an old habit of cutting myself or starving myself, so I called him, instead of being weak.. I want to be healthy. In calling him instead of cutting myself or reverting back to old habits, he said he was proud of me, for showing him I am strong.. I felt the pain without drinking, smoking, starving, cutting, or anything. Instead, I relied on him to talk to through it... Here r the stages he went through: NB: I broke up WITH HIM.... HIS reaction to it was: -- Lets be friends and see where it goes, if we can fix things; I am sure I want to get back with u, your my babe, I love you, I still feel the same way about u as I did two days ago, when I wanted a future with u. -- I need to figure out if I want to be in a relationship.. I might not want to be comitted to the one women, I might want others.... --- ME saying that I wanted to go live in Hong Kong with mum, and was about to book tickets... ( f*ck it, I was paralyzed, heartbroken, I love him so much, I needed my mother for support, given that I am being a healthy person, and not using smoking, drugs, even wine, cutting, or self harm in any shape or form, to deal with the IMENSE pain)... -- After INCESSANT crying from me ALL dday, he finally was like " geez, lets just get back together, I do love u" Then BOOM. I said something HORRIBLE by mistake..... His mother died last year... they were VERY. CLOSE. She was A GREAT MUM. ALL his friends loved her.. it was DEVASTATING for him... and I said......... " well, I need my mum through this heartbreaking time, wouldn;t u?" ............. OMG... I DID NOT THINK how BAD that soundd! He was like " of course I would jesus" and hung up...... I rung him back, and: --- He said it might be for the best if I went to Hong Kong, where my mother lives, to be with her.... ---- We stayed and talked, as I was devastated.... as I have been ALL day... because he was coming around, and was close to wanting me back. Then WHAM. I SCR*EW UP. ----- The conclusion of the night is; he wants to start fresh. We have something very special, some very happy and close times together, and he wants to keep that, but to start fresh. We have been through A LOT together; a lot of drama, on my half, and also due to his lack of previous relationships. He met me, a damaged girl, with an eating disorder, with no social life really.... he changed me, but it took soooooooo much effort from him. After months, we finally had something very, very special... what we went through made it more special, that we ended up in love, and me recovered from my illness.
Author Leigh 87 Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 OUTCOME: after me breaking up with him last night.... at first I asked for no contact.... However, I woke up to a VERY scary dream about him! He wants me to call him if I need him ( he means it) so I called him and he was glad, and we talkd all day.. He swung back and fourth, between saying he wants to think about if he wants to be in a relationship, with other girls... to relenting and saying he would take me back... OUTCOME: He said he feels the same way about me, ( wants to be everything to me, and me to him), and he wants us to be as close as possible).. and that he wants a future with me. he said he he wants to literally start fresh, to start again with each other. He wants me back, he does want us to be together, but he wants to start fresh, as friends.. He feels the same way, but wants to build our relationship from a new, healthy foundation, and to start fresh, so as to FORGET all the HUGE drama we both went through, due to me being a broken person when he met me. I did point out to him that I cried all day, non stop, because I lost him..... Given what we HAD, as recent as TWO DAYS ago.. I had LOST it, and was a mess. On the other hand, he was calm and collected; he is a guy though, and he has lost his mother AND best mate, all in the same year..... He is prbably hardened to emotions, in terms of expressing them. I told him he needs to want em as much as I want him, that I cannot be the only heartbroken one, if we were to never kiss or make love again. He is sure he wants to start again with me... he wants to get to knwo me again, and for us to both re discover what we loved. I hope people can offer me support on here, as this is the FIRST relationship I have had in over 6 years.... I have never been in love before, either. Neither had he.
Buttercup84 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I really hope that things work out for you.But remember to look after yourself and get hope no matter what. I had issues when I met my ex and wish I worked through my low self esteem while we were together instead of pushing them aside and letting them ruin what we had. I hope with all my heart it will work out for you.
silly_panda Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Wow... I really don't understand why you wanna break up with him... As like what your friend said, I think you could do whatever you wan with your life and also having your boyfriend along... Wouldn't it feels great to have someone by your side when you are improving yourself..? I don't know you, so I can't judge you... Now about him... What do you expect him to do..? You broke his heart... And worst of all, you do not even have a solid reason to even break up with him... And by doing so, you kinda broke the 'trust' link... I would say he don't really trust you anymore... People do not wanna get hurt twice... Of course you need to start fresh... You can't just break up and get back together expecting to continue from where you had left... It doesn't work that way... So you are able to keep this relationship, good for you... Make sure you don't make the same mistake again... And I tell you, you got a lot to do to gain back his trust... Just be sincere and think carefully before you end a relationship...
Author Leigh 87 Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 Thank you for your wise words, you have given me some useful things to consider... I have learnt my lesson; I lost my first love, he was a beautiful thing that was HELPING me to overcome my issues! Having him to come home to, served as GREAT motivation, for me to get my life on track. Without him, it would not be NEARLY as fun, getting a job, a wider social circle, and getting healthy, physically speaking, again... Last night, the last texts he sent to me, was " goodnight my gorgeous girl, love u sooo much" and " goodnight my baby love u soo so so muxh xoxoxoxoxoxo ( a paragraphs worth of them). THEN, we were supposed to go no contact. However, he does want me to call him if I need his support, so I did; I woke up to the WORST. nightmare. Ever. From then on, he just was on the phone to me all day, as I was trying to call him, instead of being weak and resorting to self harm. He said it made him proud of me. We are now acting like we just met, lol. Of course, when he calls me, and yes, I will wait for HIM to call ME ( after my constant calls and texts..).. Of course, we will chat normally again. At first though, I guess he really does just want to literally get to know me again, through sending fun msgs:) I feel that, if I work HARD enough to become a good version of myself, then our relationship will grow, better than ever. We had something special when I was at my WORST: now, I need to show him how fun I can be, at my best, when I am in a better way, mentally. Thanks again for your imput, but I would appreciate more people contributing. This is the start of my LIFE here; I am 25 no job or previous life, I was a broken person with nothing besids being thin ad an eating disorder.. This guy... I have moved into his mansion, I have come to LOVE ( yes love) his little dogs, I have adopted one of the dogs there, and I was just so, so thrilled, at my new life... I hope like hell I can better myself, and win him back. .. Wish me luck.... He is the best thing that has happened to me.
somedude81 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Uh, why did you break up with him? None of your posts gave a reason.
Author Leigh 87 Posted September 10, 2011 Author Posted September 10, 2011 Somedude: - I broke up with him, because tihngs were better than ever; while at the same time, I have a lot to sort out in my life ( I need a job, I need to get fitter and healthier, as I let myself go, and so on..). I have such a wonderful thing with my boyfriend, that I was scared that I should make my own life better, so my boyfriend is not the only thing making me happy. Of course, I like who I am somewhat, and am reasoably happy, independantly of my boyfriend, however; I am not quiet satisfied yet, in terms of who I am and certain things in my life, and wanted to be more complete, as an individual. I went lost my boyfriend for a day; I literally went through having my heart broken. Now that I have him back, I truly know what I have ( after having lost it...)
somedude81 Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Somedude: - I broke up with him, because tihngs were better than ever; while at the same time, I have a lot to sort out in my life I'm sorry, that doesn't make any sense at all. Can you imagine telling your boss. "I'm sorry I need to quit. This job is great and it meets all my needs. But I want to become a better employee." He'll just look at you with a puzzled look on his face. Anyways, lucky for you he took you back. That was a pretty silly stunt to pull.
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