blue_ikat Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 (edited) Hi all, My boyfriend is traveling for the next 2 months. We were lucky to spend a great vacation together (just the two of us) over the summer. I haven't seen him in a month. I'll get to spend two more weeks with him in just a few days. We'll see a lot of his friends, too. After that, he won't be coming home until late November. My issue is the frequency of our communication. We've only been together four months. We used to talk every day, sometimes for hours on end, even when he was working long hours. But now I only hear from him every few days (maybe an IM, never an email or surprise phone call). Ten days went by where I didn't hear his voice. When we do talk, we have a great time, and he acts like he can't bring himself to hang up. He says his schedule is unpredictable so he can't plan when to call me. I don't completely understand that, because he's on vacation. More than that, I don't want to beg/demand that he call me... I just feel a bit neglected. I'm fine with short "Hey I'm doing great, hope you are too!" messages, but he hasn't sent any since I suggested that. I don't want to smother him with messages from me, even though I'd like to send him one each day. I tried to talk to him about this once, and he agreed to keep in touch more, but I haven't heard from him for two days now. I don't have much of a frame of reference for LDRs, so I'm wondering- how often do other people hear from their SO's? Is 'almost every day' too much? Edited September 8, 2011 by blue_ikat
folieadeux Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Degrees of communication by couple always vary. I speak to my SO every day. We usually reserve our phone calls for the weekend and before we go to bed.
befreckled Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I speak to the bf via chat or whats app (love that app, get it if you don't already have it!) at least once a day. but we have odd moments where life/work takes over and we speak every other day. usually we save the video chat for once a week. that keeps me sanity going.
blugirl Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Me and my SO don't talk every single day, usually when he has a day off, he does his stuff or sometimes he will just sent a text msg or chat up for several minutes but most of the time he would just go meet his friends or run errands and I usually get to know about it only afterwards. And when I have a busy day or meet friends, I want to relax a bit later on my own so I wouldnt talk to him that day as well, only the next day. Both me and him are a kind of person who needs a lot of own space so we are fine with that, I guess. Only if we dont talk for 2~3 days in a row due to being busy, we let each other know that everything's fine and we miss each other by sending a txt msg and explaining that it's because we are busy so that the other person wont get anxious whats going on.
LittleTiger Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 (edited) For the first year or so we had skype and we chatted on video twice a day, for at least an hour and usually a lot longer. Then circumstances changed and we no longer have skype. These days we still talk twice a day, most days (depending on his work hours) but now we're on the phone rather than skype so we have to limit our time because of cost. So, no, 'almost every day' is not too much, but it really depends on the people concerned. If you're not happy with the amount of communication you have then you need to talk to him about it. I do understand though, if he's on holiday and travelling, which was probably planned a long before he met you, then he's going to be busy enjoying himself and making the most of his time away. Provided he contacts you on a regular basis and keeps you up to date with his movements I think you should just make the most of the time you do get to talk. It's not long before you see him and two months is really quite a short amount of time. Edited September 9, 2011 by LittleTiger
Whipple Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 Yeah, totally depends on the individuals and the dynamics of the relationship. What matters is that both of you need to be comfortable with the amount of contact whether it be multiple times a day, daily, every other day, etc. If someone needs more or less contact, then it's up for the individuals to come up with some compromise otherwise there will be problems. To illustrate how dynamics can play a role... In my previous LDR, we did video chat daily. In my current one, we talk almost every day on the phone. We rarely text; we just do old-fashioned phone talk. Doing a video chat with him would just seem...weird. We usually call each other right before bed so that way we have plenty of time to do whatever we need to do in the day and evening and gives us time to spend with friends without feeling guilty. Having a set time frame for phone calls really helps because then we don't have to ditch plans in favor of staying home all day and staring at the phone.
wild_urge Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 To illustrate how dynamics can play a role... In my previous LDR, we did video chat daily. In my current one, we talk almost every day on the phone. We rarely text; we just do old-fashioned phone talk. Doing a video chat with him would just seem...weird. We usually call each other right before bed so that way we have plenty of time to do whatever we need to do in the day and evening and gives us time to spend with friends without feeling guilty. Having a set time frame for phone calls really helps because then we don't have to ditch plans in favor of staying home all day and staring at the phone. Although, this might work in your case and it is not a bad idea, it is impossible for people that live in different time zones. I live in Canada and my boyfriend lives in Europe, there's 7 hours of time difference between us and unfortunately this year I start school very early in the morning and come back home in the after and there it's already pretty late so we don't get to talk every day as we used to do before. . . For me this really sucks, because I feel the need to talk to him every day. At first, when the relationship became LD, almost two years ago it was really unbearable not to talk to him every day ( and we did have to skip a few days from once in a while ), but now I have learned to manage even for a week or longer if I know that he's somewhere where there's no internet for example. The worst part is that we just spent a month and a half together ALL the time and now I came back and for the first on week we only talked once because of numerous reasons . . . but there's one thing to keep in mind, once you are together again, you'll forget about all this . . .
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