olivec Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Guys i need your help. The depression is getting too strong and i feel like i'm loosing myself. i've been drinking all day today and the pain is soo strong. I dont know what to do. I miss my girl its been 5 months and i miss her terribly. I cant stop the pain guys.
sleepykitten Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Hey there, youre not alone. But drinking isnt going to help at all, its going to make you feel worse. I have had a bad week too, its been 3 mths. How have you been before this, I have found its an emotional rollercoaster and when it hurts it hurts like hell.
Author olivec Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 i just feel soo bad and nothing is going right. my life is garbage right now
visualbasicide Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Well for starters, drop the alcohol, it is an emotion ENHANCER. It's all wonderful when you are ok and everything is going well, it is devastating when things go down hill. Get a journal, or post on here, things you feel. Vent, rant, rave, cry, get it out. You have to FEEL to get past the feelings. It sucks, no one likes it, least of all me, but it is necessary, anything else is avoidance. Do NOT get in a relationship, remove everything that reminds you of them from your life, photos, gifts, music, etc. Do not keep tabs on them, do not contact them. Facebook can drag you down in this manner if you aren't careful, I deactivated mine actually. once you get the above working for you, get a hobby. I don't mean gluing Popsicle sticks together, unless of course it really does have some appeal for you. Something that makes you feel good just because it does. Could be an activity of some sort, some expressive outlet like art or music, photography, or physical activities. Speaking of, do something active, I don't mean some half effort mope around the block, something that gets your blood pressure going for 15-20 mins. The brain releases endorphins which will make you feel better. Make sure you eat well, if you can't, use a protein shake with some fruit in it, take vitamins, make sure your body is getting what it needs because it will make you feel better. Get support, from us, friends, or get a counselor, it's all good stuff. You can get a lot of ideas from cruising the forums. Understand you don't just wake up one day and feel better, it is a process and the things you feel are ok. You will have ups and downs followed by ups and downs. you will feel the following: Shock, Disbelief, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Guilt, Depression, Acceptance, Hope. roughly in that order, but you can feel many things at one time. You will cross back and forth through all of these feelings, so don't be surprised if you leave a "stage" and slip back into it, its normal. Take it all one day at a time and you will make it. Post back questions if you have them. Best of luck.
Author olivec Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 I know man tks for the advice and your right about everything you said. I figured my pain be gone by now regarding this dumb girl. and ofcourse today i went on match .com and boom there she was . but i just gotta get through all this and get stronger.
visualbasicide Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Don't worry about being stronger, that is a by product of getting through it. You aren't going to just "stop caring" about someone because the media and your friends tell you that's how it should be, if you really loved them, it just doesn't work that way. It takes time. If you want better advice, post the whole story, doesn't matter how long it is, gives us a better idea of you and your ex so we can help you more accurately. How you met How you both acted during the relationship How things started to go wrong How it ended generally you will get a lot more feedback if we can see what was going on. Doesn't have to be a book report, but 4-10 paragraphs, depending on how much history you had. People that have been together 2 months have generally have shorter stories than people that were together 20 years. Just saying, totally up to you though, if you think the advice above is enough to give you what you need, wonderful, if not, feel free to pester us
Author olivec Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 we were together for 6 months. the first few months were long distance until she quit her job and moved to my city and got a new job. it was good at first but then i noticed she was starting to change and was going out with her girlfriends alot(which are single by the way). at first i didnt say anything really but after awhile i was getting frustrated as she was spending less and less time with me. also i'm in my 30's and so is she and by 6 months i figured she wanted a serious relationship. unfortunately she said she didnt want anything serious right now. so obviously i was hurt about that because i thought we were doing well. a few days later she told me she just wanted to be friends and that just hurt me real bad. then like a idiot i tryed to convince her to take me back months after the breakup. it ultimately didnt work and i've been nc for the last few months. i just wish things would of worked out between us. and now 5 months since the breakup i'm still messed up and it just sucks. plus my best friend just got engaged last week. and while i'm very happy for him as hes had some bad ones himself. i just feel i'm never gunna find that right woman for me and it just makes me depressed. and today i just hit rock bottom and just feel ashamed for letting myself get this bad. i know if my dad was still livin he tell me to "snap out of it boy, theres plenty in the sea". i know it'll happend eventually i just gotta be patient. however it just frustrates me when you let your guard down and start to care about a person and tell her that over and over again and she doesnt give a damn. i just dont understand people like that because i truely believed it could of worked if she just understood where i was coming from. i guess i'll never know why she did what she did.
Thieves Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Well for starters, drop the alcohol, it is an emotion ENHANCER. It's all wonderful when you are ok and everything is going well, it is devastating when things go down hill. Get a journal, or post on here, things you feel. Vent, rant, rave, cry, get it out. You have to FEEL to get past the feelings. It sucks, no one likes it, least of all me, but it is necessary, anything else is avoidance. Do NOT get in a relationship, remove everything that reminds you of them from your life, photos, gifts, music, etc. Do not keep tabs on them, do not contact them. Facebook can drag you down in this manner if you aren't careful, I deactivated mine actually. once you get the above working for you, get a hobby. I don't mean gluing Popsicle sticks together, unless of course it really does have some appeal for you. Something that makes you feel good just because it does. Could be an activity of some sort, some expressive outlet like art or music, photography, or physical activities. Speaking of, do something active, I don't mean some half effort mope around the block, something that gets your blood pressure going for 15-20 mins. The brain releases endorphins which will make you feel better. Make sure you eat well, if you can't, use a protein shake with some fruit in it, take vitamins, make sure your body is getting what it needs because it will make you feel better. Get support, from us, friends, or get a counselor, it's all good stuff. You can get a lot of ideas from cruising the forums. Understand you don't just wake up one day and feel better, it is a process and the things you feel are ok. You will have ups and downs followed by ups and downs. you will feel the following: Shock, Disbelief, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Guilt, Depression, Acceptance, Hope. roughly in that order, but you can feel many things at one time. You will cross back and forth through all of these feelings, so don't be surprised if you leave a "stage" and slip back into it, its normal. Take it all one day at a time and you will make it. Post back questions if you have them. Best of luck. You are so sweet, visualbasicide. Ahaha. Sorry if that sounds really random, but honestly. All good advice! Especially the last part. I have days where I'll be 100% happy, and thinking that I'm finally getting past this whole situation, only to be really sad and oddly 'down' the next day. It's literally like a rollercoaster. Sometimes it even happens in a matter of hours. Fun, fun, fun. Basically for me, it's: Feel. Vent. Get a great hobby, or hobbies. Keep busy. Wait it out. That's really what I've learned from past heartbreaks, sadly..
Author olivec Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 tks guys for everything. yesterday was probably the hardest day i went through shockingly even though its been 5 months since the breakup. i know i that i must let go of my anger towards my ex gf. the drinking is definately something i'm never gunna do again as its not like me to do something that extreme. i just simply hit my breaking point like all of us have when experiencing a breakup or end to a marriage. i've decided from this moment on to not let others control how i feel anymore and start living my life again. I know its gunna take time but its something I must do. And I cannot fear opening my heart up again for someone. I just gotta make sure its the right person this time.
visualbasicide Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 i know i that i must let go of my anger towards my ex gf. You can be angry about it, but don't let it define you or rule you. I've decided from this moment on to not let others control how i feel anymore and start living my life again. I know its gunna take time but its something I must do. And I cannot fear opening my heart up again for someone. I just gotta make sure its the right person this time. Easier said than done at times, I have no doubt someone else will come along and hurt me at some point, maybe the lesson is really about responding to it rather than reacting to it. By responding, you take time to see the situation, understand how it affects you emotionally, and then make a choice. The latter is just running around blindly and living off of pure emotion rather than putting any logic to it. Granted you can't put logic to other peoples actions sometimes, but you can always do it to your own. After it is all said and done we end up learning a lot about ourselves that we didn't previously know. Which is never a bad thing. I like the positive out take you have on the situation and think if you can more or less keep that attitude you will do fine.
yessy21 Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Its been years and months and im still not over my own...even though im with someone new. with time the pain will hide. just get rid of everything that reminds u of her. even if it means that u have to change the color of the walls where ur living. It helps. do activities and surround urself with positive friends. THere nothing good about Goodbye.
visualbasicide Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 You are so sweet, visualbasicide. Ahaha. Sorry if that sounds really random, but honestly. All good advice! Heh, yeah it's still in there somewhere, wrapped up with cynicism, sprinkled with guilt, draped with emotional bankruptcy and sewn together with sinew from a broken heart....ok so it isn't that bad...usually. Basically for me, it's: Feel. Vent. Get a great hobby, or hobbies. Keep busy. Wait it out. That's really what I've learned from past heartbreaks, sadly.. Definitely.
Author olivec Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 Its been years and months and im still not over my own...even though im with someone new. with time the pain will hide. just get rid of everything that reminds u of her. even if it means that u have to change the color of the walls where ur living. It helps. do activities and surround urself with positive friends. THere nothing good about Goodbye. Definiately and the thing is I don't wanna still be thinking of someone and carry that into a new relationship and repeat old habits. I'm gunna take all the negatives and turn them into positives. For a long time I was letting things get me down and it was destroying me from the inside out. Fact is I want to be a better person and find the right person for me. The most important thing i'm doing is getting back into the right frame of mind and stop dwelling on the past and move forward. I'm sure I will still have bad days however i'm not gunna allow myself to stay in that frame of mind very long.
visualbasicide Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I'm sure I will still have bad days however i'm not gunna allow myself to stay in that frame of mind very long. That is exactly the trick. It's impossible at first but over time it gets easier and easier to find something to distract you long enough to cope, as long as the distractions are positive you will go far and reach every (realistic) goal you set your mind to. Stay by yourself while you work on you and when you are content with you, your past, your present and what you think of your future, then you can start to think about finding someone else to share it with and not before. Stay in the frame of mind you are in right now as much as possible and you will look back at this as nothing more than a bump in the road.
Author olivec Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 Tks for your support, I'm not going to rush into a new relationship as i've done this in the past. Your right i'm gunna focus on things that i enjoy. For example i'm a huge WWE fan and i'm going to a live event tomorrow with my brother and its gunna be awesome. I can't wait.
Author olivec Posted January 4, 2012 Author Posted January 4, 2012 Hey guys just another update. Feeling stronger than ever soo focused now in my life including financially, physically and spritually. Just want to wish you all a Happy 2012. And for the ones that are still suffering stay strong and focus on you and not anyone else as you owe that to yourself.
Author olivec Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 Just another update for you guys. What difference a year makes lol. Probably in the best shape of my life and my bills are getting cleared up so hopefully in a years time I will buy my first home. The most important thing is that I learned I do not need anyone to make my life complete. People who need to find someone to complete themselves are only masking the pain and fear of being alone instead of learning to become a independant person and loving themselves. I truely learned that with this last relationship which ended 1 year ago today. So for the people that are still coping there is light at the end of the tunnel and things will get better if you allow yourself to let go of the fear and pain. Above all else learn to love yourself. God bless! 1
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