Titania22 Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Hey Guys, Today I made myself do something I wasn't even sure I could. I went up to a complete stranger (never seen him before in my life), and asked him out. He had a girlfriend. Oh well. But I did do it. I was really scared. But felt really good afterwards for actually doing it. (And yes I have hit on guys before, but I have taken my time, they were not complete strangers.)
coolheadal Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Hey Guys, Today I made myself do something I wasn't even sure I could. I went up to a complete stranger (never seen him before in my life), and asked him out. He had a girlfriend. Oh well. But I did do it. I was really scared. But felt really good afterwards for actually doing it. (And yes I have hit on guys before, but I have taken my time, they were not complete strangers.) Yes I did the same thing last Friday and it felt good to do. Of course it was more than helping a women with a car battery replacement. She came to me. I was going to buy HDTV well pickup one. I did find myself helping her since her English wasn't 100%. But in all I did sneak in those important questions like: 1. Why isn't your husband here to help you? She said she's not married! 2. Your boyfriend should be here doing this? She said I don't have a boyfriend! 3. What about your family? She said her family is not here! She on her own! Time to move to next step.. But you see where I am going this is complete stranger but she did trust me to even go out to her car and check on the old battery and such. Then she ask me if I would go to her to get the battery let's say at SEARS. I said no problem, but she wanted me to do the driving since she didn't know how to get there. Okay But with you, that's how you do it.. Don't be scared off it's the only way to find someone. I did in a retail store, but it happen so quickly even got her cell number too!
KathyM Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Hey Guys, Today I made myself do something I wasn't even sure I could. I went up to a complete stranger (never seen him before in my life), and asked him out. He had a girlfriend. Oh well. But I did do it. I was really scared. But felt really good afterwards for actually doing it. (And yes I have hit on guys before, but I have taken my time, they were not complete strangers.) Wow, you have a lot of confidence. That's pretty bold.
coolheadal Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 More should try it.. Otherwise it's the online way or a friend way. Still you also have to be careful too.
Author Titania22 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 In my case, I was at university and he was sitting on a bench. There were lots of people in the area, and I had a class to get to. I went up to him, introduced myself, and asked him if we could get together sometime. He said he had a girlfriend and I left for class. So I didn't do any fishing, I just went straight in.
Author Titania22 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 More should try it.. Otherwise it's the online way or a friend way. Still you also have to be careful too. The online way doesn't work for me. And I don't have any friends to meet guys through. No man ever approaches me anymore. So the only chance I have is if I just start randomly asking out strangers.
coolheadal Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 The online way doesn't work for me. And I don't have any friends to meet guys through. No man ever approaches me anymore. So the only chance I have is if I just start randomly asking out strangers. What happen? Why don't the men approach you any more? That's odd? Most men can't even tell if the girl they like is available or not? Not like your walking around with a sign that reads.. 1. Your single 2. Your not seeing anyone 3. Your available for dating.. I use to gather groups for study in school, mostly all girls and I was the only guy, but hey it worked! I use to know a guy who was writing a book on how to meet girls. I wonder if he ever published that book?
Author Titania22 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 What happen? Why don't the men approach you any more? That's odd? I don't know. I have been supposing it is either because I live in a city with no available men, or because I am almost 40.
smudge21 Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Nice one Titania. So what exactly was going through your head just before you approached him?
Author Titania22 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 Nice one Titania. So what exactly was going through your head just before you approached him? Well for a couple of days I have been thinking about approaching guys and asking them out. And I thought of asking this one guy out who is in the maths faculty, probably doing a PhD or something. And for the last couple of days I kept chickening out. Today I was looking at all the men who crossed my path on the way to uni, and asking myself if I could/would ask them out. And when I got to uni I passed that guy sitting on the bench and thought 'definitely', but I was thinking to stick with the plan and ask the other guy out first, since at least he would know who i was. When I went to his office, he wasn't there. So I went back down and the other guy was still sitting there. In my head was just 'do it, just do it, get the first time over with'. I was incredibly nervous, but I have been really down, and nothing else has been making me feel better for a couple of weeks. So I needed to do something extreme. Now that I have done it, I want to do it everyday. Because maybe I will become less scared. And maybe I will find someone interested. Either way I am at rock bottom, so I don't think a mountain full of rejection could make me feel any worse at this point.
smudge21 Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 That's really great to hear. Still don't think I could do it though - need to speak to them friendly first rather then just asking. Either that, or a few drinks in me for dutch courage It doesn't sound like you're at rock bottom, more like you're halfway up the ladder and on your way out.
MoreRedemption Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Well done! Life is too short to miss out on opportunities. Many times I kicked myself afterwards for not having had the courage to speak to someone I liked!
Author Titania22 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 Thanks Guys, I really appreciate the positivity. I have been in a really low place and have been trying everything I would normally do to knock myself out of it. Since none of the usual things are working, I had to try something different. I definately feel more empowered. As scared as I was, it was really painless. He was really nice, and straight forward about having a girlfriend. And because it was so painless and empowered me to feel I have some control over my situation, part of me can't wait to do it again. The feelings of fear were similar to how i felt the first few times I decided to play league on SC2, and now I love playing league and am alot more confident. Since the starting feelings were the same, I have every reason to believe, I will get more confident and it will get easier with each guy I ask out. So at the very least I will be developing people skills. I think in part the depression has been feeling that there was nothing i could do to improve my situation. I am not convinced I will find anyone interested, but at least I feel that I have a better chance of finding that man if he exists. Of course if some guy actually agrees to go out with me, I will be back here trying to find out how not to screw up that opportunity.
sm1tten Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I think it's great that you are trying alternative options instead of defaulting onto things that weren't working for you. You rock
Author Titania22 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 I think it's great that you are trying alternative options instead of defaulting onto things that weren't working for you. You rock Thanks sm1tten. I am at the point of desperation, and now it's pouring with rain, and I'm wondering how I am going to find guys to ask out if they are all stuck indoors today. But I can't afford to lose anymore days. Although ideally I want boyfriend, I feel like a vulcan on ponfar, and I am going to die from a chemical imbalance in my brain, if I don't get touched soon.
skelterhelter Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 That's awesome, Titania! It does feel really good to pursue something you want, eh? I pushed myself to take a HUGE risk once, and while it certainly blew up in my face later on, I felt good about breaking out of my comfort zone and going after what I want. The experience itself was very rewarding, despite not having a positive outcome. Sounds like you are on your way! Keep going!
AHardDaysNight Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Good for you! I wish more girls were like you.
Author Titania22 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 Thanks Guys, I really am appreciating all positive male attention at the moment. Even though absolutely none of it is sexual, or in the least bit interested in seeing me as a sexual person. I must admit that since I stopped believing any male would be interested in me, I have had many completely innocent positive interactions with random men. So I have lots of male friends on SC2 that have been playing with me lately, and the old grandfather at the corner shop, told me he likes how stylish I dress myself. And I gentleman even helped me carry my groceries to the car the other day, when I was completely struggling. And all these things started happening the minute I gave up assuming that a mans attention made him interested. At this rate I could be best platonic friends with every man on the planet, which both makes me happy and makes me want to cry. When i was 19 men only saw me as a sex object, now they see me as anything but. Still I will forge ahead, I have no choice.
ascendotum Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I don't know. I have been supposing it is either because I live in a city with no available men, or because I am almost 40. Since the big man drought of 2001-03, those wars in the middle east, and the mining boom the stocks of available men in Oz will take years to replenish. Its going to be tough for a while. Good on you for doing what you did, though I am surprised you didn't chit chat for a bit to gauge his level of interest before popping the question. 'I am at the point of desperation'. You know how the women on here tell the hard luck guys this is a big turnoff, maybe you should change your mindset a bit. If it propels you to ask guys out thats good (depending on what guys you focus on) but as for a relationship its not good, and you alluded to screwing up there.
Author Titania22 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 Since the big man drought of 2001-03, those wars in the middle east, and the mining boom the stocks of available men in Oz will take years to replenish. Its going to be tough for a while. Good on you for doing what you did, though I am surprised you didn't chit chat for a bit to gauge his level of interest before popping the question. 'I am at the point of desperation'. You know how the women on here tell the hard luck guys this is a big turnoff, maybe you should change your mindset a bit. If it propels you to ask guys out thats good (depending on what guys you focus on) but as for a relationship its not good, and you alluded to screwing up there. Well I can't change my mindset anymore. I have tried, but the fact is, I don't see why any guy would look at me as a good prospect for a relationship. I am who I am, and the only way I could come across as a good prospect is by lying and pretending to be someone i am not. I can't make myself ambitious and career motivated. I don't care about getting married and having kids. I don't care about making money and being a stuffologist. I don't care about being famous and getting everyones attention. I have done everything I want to do in this life. In fact the only thing left of any interest at all for me, is people. I like that I am making friends on the internet, and playing SC2 with them. I like connecting with people that may or may not be in a good situation or having a good day, and having a bit of fun with them so that for both of us things seem a little brighter. Basically I am marking time and have been for several years. Because I am not striving and struggling to achieve something I don't fit. I can see that and I am fine with it. What I am having trouble accepting is that it makes me an outcast and not someone men will be bothered with. I miss sex, but find casual sex unfulfilling. I don't want to have sex with dozens of different men (it just seems icky and gross), I would be happy with just one. Yes my attitude is bad, and my outlook is negative, but i think that it is important for making me more realistic. I have noticed that since I took on this bad attitude, a larger variety of men appear attractive to me, and I even seem more visually attractive (without makeup) to me. And rather than sit back as I would if I was feeling happy, I am taking action. And I agree with you, logically if someone has a bad attitude people can tell, which is why I can't understand why overall men are being nicer to me now. Even being rejected, it wasn't negative, his expression and body language made me feel that he was at least a little flattered and surprised.
Author Titania22 Posted September 9, 2011 Author Posted September 9, 2011 Thanks MrNate, I feel a bit better atm guys, I took a long nap. Tonight I am going to go to the gaming club at the university for the 1st time.
Author Titania22 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 Ok here is the update as briefly as possible. I went to the gaming club (friday night), and although it was mostly guys, it was the most anti-sexual environment I think I have ever been in. The good side to that is I didn't think about sex, my desire for a relationship or have any of that negative "guys don't want me" brain chatter, for the 4 hrs I was there. The down side was I didn't ask anyone out, I was completely baffled as to how I could as everyone was clustered into groups. Swing forward to Monday, and I woke up, and my depression had finally lifted. I didn't ask anyone out, but I did start going to the gym again, started catching up on all the things I haven't been doing while I was down, and started cooking and eating healthier food. Also the "hot guy" I met at the start of the semester said hi to me and smiled. Today (wednesday), I decided to ask "hot guy" out, but he didn't go to class. So I decided to ask the guy I was going to ask out last thursday. My has a group office and you have to call his desk so he will come out. I went, I dialed, I spoke to someone that wasn't him and discovered he got accepted for a PhD and moved to Melbourne. So there, I was going to ask someone out and got thwarted twice. The tutor for my stats class is always really friendly and smiley, so I figure I will probably try asking him out next, or, do you think I should just go back to asking out random strangers, like I did last thursday?
Author Titania22 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 So guys, Should I try asking out the stats tutor, or should I ask out random strangers? What do you think? It's only about 3hrs until I go to Uni, tell me what you think I should do.
waynesworld Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 So guys, Should I try asking out the stats tutor, or should I ask out random strangers? What do you think? It's only about 3hrs until I go to Uni, tell me what you think I should do. As a guy, I have to say what you're doing is great. It doesn't happen often, but when a woman approaches me, I love it! I would refrain from asking out your TA though. There are rules against that kind of thing at most universities.
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