Prefer to hurt your ex and then want them back OR have ur ex not love u anymore?

[gbadboy]

A lot of people have similar posts regarding the nature of the breakup. That is, in most of the cases their partner is the one who told them it's over simply because "they dont love you anymore"

 

I can see how devestating this can be to someone.

 

My case is a bit different, in that we broke up not because of a lack of love, but because he felt I broke HIS heart and can't see himself coming back to me in an effort to protect his feelings as he's tired of being hurt. Im trying to get him back but he is keeping his distance and to me thats devestating because I have to live with this mistake.

 

I guess what im wondering is, what case would you prefer? My case? Or the majority of poster's on here case? That is, would you prefer your ex told you they didnt love and its over? Or would you prefer you were the one to break his heart and are the one trying to get them back WITH no luck?

 

In other words, do you prefer:

 

1) To live knowing you made a horrible mistake and rejected your bf/gf which you now REGRET and want them back to no avail or

 

2) To live knowing your ex was the one who told you they dont love you and its over.

 

For me, #2 as devestating as it is, might allow you to move on quicker b/c if the love isn't there, then at least you can let go quicker and not have hope.

 

But in my case #1, it doesn't make me move on quicker b/c I know he loves me still (its just buried under a lot of hurt and anger) , so im thinking there's hope - and as long as i see hope, ill be obbessesing over it which leads to turmoil and leads to my inability to move on. I sit and hope b/c anger eventually dissipates.

 

What would you prefer?

[silly_panda]

I prefer none of those... Nobody does...

 

But I'm living in case 1 and case 2 at the same time now...

I took my ex girlfriend for granted (this broke her heart), and she was the one that said she didn't love me anymore...

[gbadboy]

She doesn't love you as a result of the heart break you gave her?

 

I mean, for me - if someone loves you and you break their heart, I don't believe the love goes away . Sure you are filled with hurt and anger - but it covers up the love.

 

Maybe she still loves you but is so hurt from the heart brake that she's just saying that? It's not like she fell out of love on her own accord with you. Anyway, you would know more about that than I would.

 

 

Whereas if someone just falls out of love with you because there's just no connection, spark and attraction and they see you more like a friend - then that is when love is really gone.

 

My thoughts though.

[silly_panda]

Well... Honestly... I don't really know either... I think there are many reasons for someone to fall out of love... It also can be caused by something that their partner did... For in my case I would say I didn't show her that I care enough and all... She got disappointed and sad... Hoping for things to get better but it didn't... Got frustrated eventually thinking I'm not the same person that she once fell in love with... That pretty much can make her fall out of love... I don't know... That's what I think...

 

Some other guy came along... Give her the attention that she needs and was craving for for so long... She felt she is being appreciated... And yea... The next thing you know... She falls in love with this guy and just leaves me regretting my mistakes... That pretty much sucks...

[gbadboy]

Have you told her (after the break-up) that you do love her? And if so, what was her reply ? Did she believe it? Or thinks you dont? Sometimes we show love in different ways.

 

I know my ex was heart broken by me and was in love with me. And after the break up, I began telling him I love him more often and after the break up he at first refused to believe me that I did love him. In fact he would often say "No he doesn't love me or he wouldn't hurt me"

 

And while he's never replied back to me saying "I dont love you anymore". he's said stuff like "You really hurt me and while I dont hate you I dislike you a lot and can't even be your friend right now"

 

The other day we finally had a good conversation and when I told him I loved him, while he didn't say he didnt love me back, he for the first time since the break up replied with "I know you love me"

 

I suppose what I'm getting at is when he finally acknowledged that I did love him, it made me feel really good -because at least he believes me when I say "I love you" - which means he doesn't think its just empty words.

 

So even if your gf said she doesn't love you, maybe she however believes you loved her - and if so, that should make you feel much better.

 

I mean no one is perfect and its human nature to take ppl for granted but there had to be things you did that made her love you - therefore dont beat yourself up too much.

 

I know it's all water under the bridge, but love is a powerful thing and it does have the ability to re-unite with time.

[silly_panda]

I did told her that I love her (during the begging and pleading)... And after that I sent her a text saying "I always loved you..." She replied "I loved you too... Very much..." Notice that she said 'loved'... It's a past tense... The day before we broke up, I told her that I love her... And she told me she couldn't say it... She is the type that won't say it if she doesn't feel like it... I know that and I respect her for that...

 

And she got into a realtionship with a new guy days after our break up... She just knew the guy for a week... And she told me and her best friend that she love him... So interms of her still loving me..? I doubt...

 

But it really doesn't matter now... I accept the fact that I hurt her first by taking her for granted... So this is a punishment for me to realize my mistake... No point chasing after someone who has already moved on... And I'm really healing and moving on now...

 

Sorry to make this thread went off the original topic... Didn't mean to do it...

[BlindRage]

exes are exes for a reason.