pankyhanky Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Hi all, I need a bit of advice. I'm 23, just started graduate school. SO is 27, lives 1500+ miles away, and is pretty well entrenched. His family, friends, job, etc. are all in one area of the US, and I'm basically nowhere nearby. We started dating when I was finishing up college, and have been dating for a year and a half now. Until now, I was close enough that we spent basically all our weekends together, but obviously that's no longer possible. Now, I can't really get away from school long enough to make the visit worthwhile, and even if I could I'd spend the whole time studying. Here's the thing... he's willing to do all the work to keep the relationship going, but I'm not sure I want to. My grad school is very serious academically, so when I'm not studying, I want to be having fun, and I feel like I've always been the "fun" one in our relationship. I'm also not at a point in my life where I want a serious relationship, and I feel like once a relationship gets serious, it can't ever get un-serious. I just want to be happy. He says he wants to eventually get married, have kids, blah blah blah, while I'm really starting to doubt that I want this relationship to get past the next month. So, hive mind, what do you think? Is it doomed? Should I break up with him in person or by phone? Should I stop him from coming at the end of the month? xx Hanky
she cooks Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Hi and welcome to LS! It sounds to me like you are answering your own question. You are young and want to have fun when you're not focusing on the demands of graduate school. Given the distance between you, and the way you feel, I think it would be fine (and perhaps preferable) to end the relationship over the phone. Why would he want to travel all that way just for this ... and you will feel uncomfortable until you bring the topic up with him. So perhaps it would be kinder to end the relationship by telephone sooner. Good luck with your studies.
visualbasicide Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Hi and welcome to LS! It sounds to me like you are answering your own question. You are young and want to have fun when you're not focusing on the demands of graduate school. Given the distance between you, and the way you feel, I think it would be fine (and perhaps preferable) to end the relationship over the phone. Why would he want to travel all that way just for this ... and you will feel uncomfortable until you bring the topic up with him. So perhaps it would be kinder to end the relationship by telephone sooner. Good luck with your studies. I would agree. No reason for him to come there happy and leave miserable. Just don't string him along and be totally honest about how you feel. Best of luck. (next time, let them know when they start to talk about marriage, kids, etc. and save you both some trouble up front)
Author pankyhanky Posted September 11, 2011 Author Posted September 11, 2011 Thanks for the advice. Obviously, I wish it would have turned out differently, but I think you are right. I am just sad that I have to hurt him - I think if we had met 5 or 6 years down the line, when things were a bit more settled for me, it might have been different. Anyway, I appreciate the help. xx
creighton0123 Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Your post is somewhat confusing. In the first part, you're saying how you're extremely busy with academics and when you have free time, you just want to have fun. In the later half, you're stating that you're ready for a seriously relationship. Either way, you've made up your mind. It is sad, but you can't take it as a failure in your relationship. You're 23. It's simply a relationship that ended successfully. I'd do it in person, imo.... unless the cost of his visiting you is excessive. No need to have him spend 1k+ to visit you only to have you break up with him.
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