DudeMan27 Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 (edited) I've went into this discussion on here before over the past year + but I've had these feelings starting to creep back lately. In the 2 years, yes TWO, years since my breakup, I have yet to meet anyone I truely had any feelings for, let alone seriously date. I look around to all my close friends. My best friend is married and just had twins - I will never get to see him. Another just got married. Another is in a seriously relationship and already has a 6 year old. Most nights, unless I feel like going to a bar (often by myself) Im sitting at home. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. I'm well aware of why my relationship crashed. Ive struggled with confidence issues a long time. Eventually it carried over into the bedroom. Long story short, my gf urged me for MONTHS to just go see if something was wrong iwth me, I couldnt bring myself to do it and it killed the chemistry. Looking back I also hit a point where I didnt think her friends or family liked me. That actually couldn't have been further from the truth. Her roomates would tell me how happy I made her. Her family always asked me to come over. Point is, for two years I've hit strides where I was determined to be more confident, get in better shape, etc. But then there are times when I just crash. WHen I'm alone because my friends are all moving on to the next phases of their lives, and I'm stuck in neutral. ALl because I didnt man up and just get help to save a relationship. For something so simple as sex. I was embarrased to no end and threw a great girl, with a great life, and great family away. I cant shake thinking how much happier I'd be now. I want to travel more but haven't since because I have no one to go with. My friends have families and lives. We can't even go out for a drink without them being pulled away at any moment by their wives/gf's. I dont even go out to dinner much either. My family is very small, i have no brothers or sisters. And its tough for anyone to get together. I'm comming up on my 3 straight Holiday season with no one. And I'm scared. Im 29, my hair is really thinning out, and Im noticing grey hairs. I spent the last years of my 20s doing nothing. I honestly feel like I've aged 10 years in the past 2. Not traveling, not going out on the town, not having that much fun. My ex travels internationally at the drop of a hat. And we always had plans every night. She was gorgeous and sweet. Worked with charities and such. None of my friends girls come close to that. And I let this girl slip away because I couldnt get my confidence back. All I think is, if I was confident, or if I could see thru my own haze that this girl really liked me, and the sex thing, as she said "wasnt really that big of a deal" I could have saved a relationship. Instead, I flushed that, and a fun life down the drain and no matter how hard I try (exercise, going out, TRYING to meet new people) I cant change or dig my way out Edited September 8, 2011 by DudeMan27
Jdw_Icequeen Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Read my caption You sound like a smart person, so you know full well that your the only one that can change your situation and go after what makes you happy in life.
lovesickmonkey Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 Well maybe you missed the opportunity to get help while you were in your relationship, but you should get help now, on your own. You can work on yourself -- your confidence, etc. -- while you're single. What is the nature of your sexual problem? Physical, emotional, or both? Work now to build the confidence you'll need. Find a counselor. No excuses. (I had sexual issues I should have addressed while I was with my ex. She left me, and I began working out, losing weight, and ironically, I'm performing well sexually now) The issues you talk about are best addressed sooner and there's no reason you for you to think it's too late.
Karala Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 This is slightly off topic but... WHERE ARE YOU IN REAL LIFE, oh you guys who want to find a real commited long-term relationship and build a life together and all the good stuff?? Now that this trait alone is gold to lots of women.
sleepykitten Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I second that Karala I wish there was some place that everyone who wanted a commited ltr could just go and hang out and rather than the trawling bars or dating sites(leaves me cold) we could just go there chat, see what happens!
Sugarkane Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I second that Karala I wish there was some place that everyone who wanted a commited ltr could just go and hang out and rather than the trawling bars or dating sites(leaves me cold) we could just go there chat, see what happens! If only! Man that would be a fantastic idea now wouldn't it?
lovesickmonkey Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 I think you MUST be looking in all the wrong places, ladies! OR the personalities of men seeking long term relationships may be a turn-off to you. Women often (and I'm not saying it's you) are attracted to rugged, dangerous, boisterous, unpredictable, obnoxious, men who often are looking for more short-term relationships (9-10 hrs)... We LTR-seekers are here when you're ready;).
Diatribes Posted September 10, 2011 Posted September 10, 2011 I look around to all my close friends. My best friend is married and just had twins - I will never get to see him. Another just got married. Another is in a seriously relationship and already has a 6 year old. You can't base your own success (or lack thereof) based on others. There will always be someone who has it better. Eventually it carried over into the bedroom. Long story short, my gf urged me for MONTHS to just go see if something was wrong iwth me, I couldnt bring myself to do it and it killed the chemistry. ALl because I didnt man up and just get help to save a relationship. For something so simple as sex.All I think is, if I was confident, or if I could see thru my own haze that this girl really liked me, and the sex thing, as she said "wasnt really that big of a deal" I could have saved a relationship. All I think is, if I was confident, or if I could see thru my own haze that this girl really liked me, and the sex thing, as she said "wasnt really that big of a deal" I could have saved a relationship. You should perhaps have heeded her advice. Sex is very important. It brings a relationship closer and is a bonding experience. It is a big deal, indeed. Regardless of what she says. And yes, if you don't have a functional sex life, your relationship will deteriorate. Basically, the old adage is true "if you're not giving it to your girl, someone else will" or similar. I can't recall the exact quote. I'm sure you get the gist of it, though. If you're having problems in that area, go see a doctor. Believe it or not, a lot of men have this particular anxiety. You're not alone, by far, and there's medication to help you with this temporary set-back.
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