idkwtf Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Not really sure what to do with this??????????????? Would appreciate ANY comments. Been apart from my ex for a year. He has contacted a few times and thrown me crumbs (which I eagerly gobbled up) within this time. The last time was a few weeks ago. This time I got angry. He seems to pop up just when I am moving on. So this time I told him that I am DONE and he needs to stay away from me. He messaged me back that I am being selfish because I don't want his friendship. I KNOW this sounds horrible but I am being honest. I don't really think I want him back.....but I do want him to realize the stuff he did was screwed up and I want him to be sorry he has lost me. But I have not heard from him since the last message and it is KILLING me. I think maybe it is just my ego hurting.....but hey, pain is pain. How do you cope with the fact that they don't get it???? They will never be truly sorry and will never realize what they lost? HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lymtal1 Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Here's the deal. It doesn't matter. You are putting your efforts in a place that you should not. First even if he hears what you have to say honestly he probably does not care. You need to focus all that effort on you and not him. Sorry for what you are going through. It will be ok. Focus on you now.
ScienceGal Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 You still care for him or this wouldn't affect you at all. I understand exactly what you're going through. You are not selfish, that is just him deflecting his wrong doings onto you. Don't let that get to you. And he may never realize anything or feel sorry for losing you. This is common. That ignorance is his problem, not yours. You shouldn't even want his friendship as that will keep you from moving on for good. You even referenced that he seems to pop up just when you are moving on. Write down whatever you're feeling, including everything you want him to apologize for. Don't send it to him. Post it here if you have to. Let time be your friend. Try to relax.
Thieves Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 M'hm, it's your ego, lass. Do you not want your ex back, but still kind of wish he would come crawling back and admitting his own mistakes, only to turn him away in perfect dignity? If you answered yes, then 99% of the time, it's your ego. Get this, though - it doesn't mean you don't still care about him either. You probably still do care about him a bit, or this wouldn't really cross your mind a lot. Nothing to feel ashamed about. I don't know one person who hasn't had these kind of 'ego thoughts' during heartbreak. It's the heart's obvious way of regaining your self-esteem, value, confidence, and dignity that may have gotten lost during/after the break up. Good thing is, once you start moving on (for real) from your ex, and you start building up all those things by yourself by living your own life, you will no longer need your ex to admit all his mistakes. Sure, it'd still be nice, but it won't be as tempting to have. You can take it or leave it. This is the place where you wanna get to...
sleepykitten Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 M'hm, it's your ego, lass. Do you not want your ex back, but still kind of wish he would come crawling back and admitting his own mistakes, only to turn him away in perfect dignity? If you answered yes, then 99% of the time, it's your ego. Get this, though - it doesn't mean you don't still care about him either. You probably still do care about him a bit, or this wouldn't really cross your mind a lot. Nothing to feel ashamed about. I don't know one person who hasn't had these kind of 'ego thoughts' during heartbreak. It's the heart's obvious way of regaining your self-esteem, value, confidence, and dignity that may have gotten lost during/after the break up. Good thing is, once you start moving on (for real) from your ex, and you start building up all those things by yourself by living your own life, you will no longer need your ex to admit all his mistakes. Sure, it'd still be nice, but it won't be as tempting to have. You can take it or leave it. This is the place where you wanna get to... So true, I think this is exactly where I am at the moment!!!! So glad to hear its not just me as I am feeling like I am stuck and not moving and was doing so well.
Author idkwtf Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 WOW Guys. Thanks for all the great feedback. I REALLY appreciate it. And your right. I do still care BUT tonight I got confirmation of just what a douchebag he is. Saw on a mutual friends FB that he just broke up with the girl he is seeing. Three weeks on the dot. In the year since we have broken up he has not been with ANYONE longer than 3 weeks. Sad, but true. He is obviously in his own hell.
sleepykitten Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 I wish mine would break up with the girl he is seeing! Not because i want him back just because she is the one he met 3 days after we broke up and she is awful, chavvy, fake, smug now, cant stop posting on fb (i dont look anymore!!! have deactivated account) about how much she misses him when their not together, every thing they do together is there on her status-"hot date with the sofa and my gorgeous man, cant wait baby!xx" interestingly he has not written a reply once....but he may have now i havnt looked since monday!! Uurrgh get out of my head!!!!
Badenov Posted September 9, 2011 Posted September 9, 2011 He seems to pop up just when I am moving on. You just answered your own question. This is about his ego too. He doesn't want you, he wants you to want HIM. Once you realize a person's true motives, it's easier to put things into perspective. Don't get sucked in. Total NC is your best bet.
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