Nukulus Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) Hey all! I got a question which I assume will mainly be for the ladies, but if any guys have similar experience please feel free to respond. How do you ladies keep up with the bombardment of emails, winks, interests, etc you get on dating websites? Anyways I'm a guy and while I'm sure the amount of attention I'm getting is mild compared to women it's still a bit overwhelming. I'm a guy on match and I live in Cincinnati. I'm 25, have a good job and have been told I'm pretty good looking. Anyways, I seem to get (especially recently) 5-10 emails per week, sometimes 2-3 per day (all without any prompt from me). Generally I get several winks, and I normally get 2-3 "XXXX is interested in you". This doesn't even count women that I send the first message to (which is rare these days as I'm really just responding to some of those who contact me). So it's a bit overwhelming to say the least. I'm one of those guys who really can't fathom being in contact with more than 2-3 girls at a time, even if I'd really want to. So ladies (and popular guys) any strategies? I kind of see now why some women just shut their page down as it becomes quite daunting... Thanks all. Edited September 7, 2011 by Nukulus
Cypress25 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I ignore most of the messages I get, since most of them don't interest me. I only respond to the ones that spark my interest, and there are very few of them.
Author Nukulus Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Bull****. Women don't initiate contact with men. Apparently, if you have a decent job and don't seem like a crazy, the women of cincinnati do! I'm not even tall haha.
NoReallyThatHappened Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Read the profiles carefully and only respond to the ones that you think are the best match. Rank them in order and start from the top. Go for who you are most interested in rather than writing back to everybody. I couldn't email more than 2, at the most 3 people at a time. Any more than that and it's only a half effort. I wouldn't want someone to do that to me so why would I do it to them? I ignored all winks. I had hundreds within a week and it was too overwhelming. I hear some girls wink at a guy to get him to write to her. I would take the same approach. Look at them all and then rank them. Send a message to your favorite 1 or maybe 2 girls. Meet them as soon as possible. You can tell much more in person than through emailing. (Start small. Coffee, a drink, etc.) As for women not writing men: I wrote my now future hubby on match. Clearly that worked out for me.
sm1tten Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 I wrote my current boyfriend. Working out just fine. For me, it was a process of weeding out. I didn't respond to every message, wink, "he's interested," or whatever, just the ones I was interested in. I emailed with up to, I think, five guys at once but they get eliminated for various reasons fairly early on. Then a few of them make it to a first date, usually just one makes it beyond that. Just because you are getting the attention doesn't mean you HAVE to respond to and correspond to everyone who gives you some contact. A lot of people will just send out feelers to anybody they even have a remote interest in and then will eliminate you themselves later. Don't be afraid to be picky, yourself. If none of the cream is rising to the top, then you have a whole separate issue, though.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Bull****. Women don't initiate contact with men. With the good looking ones, yes. Guys like you and me, we have to take the leftovers.
Author Nukulus Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Yea, I think I'll do that. However, it may be hard to rank them accordingly when it seems like many women hav three sentences or less in their profile description. You know I'm not sure it has so much to do with how good looking you are. I noticed a huge uptick in interest from women since I've turned 25 and gotten a job as opposed to when I tried it out several months ago while I was still in school. Though, I also moved from a college town to a big(ish) city. Anyways, that aside my looks haven't changed one bit. I reall think it means more (and correct me if I'm wrong ladies) that you generally just have your **** together and life in order.
AHardDaysNight Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Generally, yes. Especially if you have a good income. You attract the gold diggers.
sm1tten Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 Is your profile filled out? I didn't respond to any profiles that weren't at least having a paragraph. I'm not going to waste my time if you can't sum yourself up in a few sentences to garner my interest, but that's your choice. And it depends. If you were finishing undergrad then it probably does signify to some women that you are a grown up and are getting your **** together. Being in grad school usually doesn't hinder anyone in that respect. But also, Match is [generally] skewed towards 25+ people.
Author Nukulus Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Generally, yes. Especially if you have a good income. You attract the gold diggers. So you implied above you're not good looking, and now you're implying you don't have a good job. Are you doing anything about those things? And yea my profile is filled out. I was also wrapping up my masters degree. Finished undergrad a few years ago.
TuffCookieX Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I ignore most of the messages I get, since most of them don't interest me. I only respond to the ones that spark my interest, and there are very few of them. I do this too. I even have a disclaimer in my dating profiles that if I recieve more than one message, I will instantly block them. Some men nag and ask why I don't respond. I simply don't have time to write 50 reply e-mails a day, and why should I when I'm not even interested? And I have initiated some contact with men online... rare but it happens - usually to the photos that make me want to instantly drop my panties. I get responses 100% of the time.
Author Nukulus Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 I do this too. I even have a disclaimer in my dating profiles that if I recieve more than one message, I will instantly block them. Some men nag and ask why I don't respond. I simply don't have time to write 50 reply e-mails a day, and why should I when I'm not even interested? And I have initiated some contact with men online... rare but it happens - usually to the photos that make me want to instantly drop my panties. I get responses 100% of the time. Haha, that's interesting. Maybe I should respond to more of these women who initiate contact...
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Bull****. Women don't initiate contact with men. Wrong! I got so many emails when I had pictures posted (and even when I didn't) that I insisted that they only message me if I messaged them first. The last few months I was doing OLD, I did nearly all of the initiating... and to be honest, met much better men that way. I would never go back to the other way when men did the initiating. Too much spam. One of my good male friends has been dating a women for over a year who emailed him first.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Yea, I think I'll do that. However, it may be hard to rank them accordingly when it seems like many women hav three sentences or less in their profile description. You know I'm not sure it has so much to do with how good looking you are. I noticed a huge uptick in interest from women since I've turned 25 and gotten a job as opposed to when I tried it out several months ago while I was still in school. Though, I also moved from a college town to a big(ish) city. Anyways, that aside my looks haven't changed one bit. I reall think it means more (and correct me if I'm wrong ladies) that you generally just have your **** together and life in order. Being not quite a kid anymore, living in a biggish city and finishing school probably explains alot of it. Regarding responses... I never responded to a wink. Not one. That to me was even worse than the 'hey you're hot' emails that got instantly deleted. You could also do what I did... tell them you prefer to message them first if you are interested. Keeps the spam down... although, I doubt guys are getting much spam from women.
Author Nukulus Posted September 8, 2011 Author Posted September 8, 2011 Being not quite a kid anymore, living in a biggish city and finishing school probably explains alot of it. Regarding responses... I never responded to a wink. Not one. That to me was even worse than the 'hey you're hot' emails that got instantly deleted. You could also do what I did... tell them you prefer to message them first if you are interested. Keeps the spam down... although, I doubt guys are getting much spam from women. Yea, I don't think I'll do that. I don't think anything that I'm getting is spam (not sure any men ever get enough to be considered spam-at least on the level that women get). Seriously 100 winks a week? That's crazy. I think I'll just rank and then carefully select those I want to talk to. I just hope women won't take offense if It takes me a while to get to them (as I said I can only talk to two or three at a time or I'll lose my mind). I'm also glad to see this is dispelling the myth that no woman initiates. Simply not true.
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