I'm pretty much the worst cheater in existence, and I'm looking to win her back

[valky]

I'm absolutely in love and the marriage is over. I am 26 and she is 24.

 

Over the course of 2.5 years I fell in love with the most amazing, eloquent, beautiful woman I've ever known. I was the luckiest man in the world and I knew it. In fact I flaunted in it. I had just graduated college when I met her. When I met her I started the relationship as an affair against my high school sweetheart of 8 years (let's call her Tyra). I ended up falling in love with the OM (let's call her Kimberly).

 

Well this all blew up in my face 6 months into the relationship when Tyra confronted Kimberly. Needless to say, Kimberly stayed with me, but her confidence and trust were completely compromised. She accused me of staying in contact with Tyra. Although I would deny it, I was talking and occasionally sleeping with Tyra.

 

I asked Kimberly to marry me, and she said yes. Let me preface the rest of this post by saying she and I shared the best moments of our lives together. The most fun, loving, and joyous. We climbed mountains, went on vacations, shared almost every interest with one-another. We also shared the darkest moments, like when she found out I was most likely cheating, she kicked me while I was on my knees on the street asking for forgiveness and made me sleep outside on a cold winter's evening. We truly shared the best and worst moments of our lives.

 

Like I said, I had recently graduated and I had a great job that took me around the country. Over the course of the relationship I used travel and the hotel as an escape. I slept with many women and then would return to my girl on the weekends. I slept with close to 15 women over the course of 2.5 years.

 

She gave me chances to be righteous, but I always thought I knew a way around. I always thought I could sneak something by and I would smile at her and lie. We had our problems, but I completely used every problem we had as an excuse to cheat. Long story short, she left me a month into our marriage. (that was in June of this year).

 

She is now dating other men, having casual sex with multiple partners (11 she tells me), but she comes back to me and tells me she wants to sleep with me still. She says "Maybe in four years we can be together" and then wants a physically casual relationship. I want her back.

 

I've been in therapy and will continue to do so for months if needed. It's almost been two months now and I already feel like I'm a different man. I have recently cut off Tyra from my life, and cut off communication with women that were approaching me. Kimberly has been more open to hang out with me (spending labor day weekend with me).

 

Kimberly tells me she's the most comfortable with me, and enjoys sex and conversation. She says she wishes to continue to date around though. I recently bought her toiletries and some new clothes so she'd be inclined to stay over more often and not have to worry about going home to 'restock' on supplies.

 

She lives with her parents and her brother who absolutely hate me. Whenever she is gone, she acts confused and gives me a lot of hot/cold reactions. She'll plan stuff, and cancel on me. When she is with me, she can go consecutive days making good memories.

 

She asked me for pictures we had taken of us together recently. Every sign shows me we are rebuilding, but she stands firm that it will take at least two years until we are together in a monogamous relationship.

 

I've recently told her, I'd be her bf (one sided) so she could see my dedication. Good idea or bad? I'm not ever going to cheat on her again, but it gives her a lot of power over me.

 

I could use advice from anyone that's cheated and stopped. Learned to love your significant other, and gotten the relationship back....

[valky]

Let me say that I'm completely ready to put in the time and effort that it takes to rebuild.

 

I am trying to treat her with the utmost respect, but it's hard to control my emotions when I know she's having sex with other people. I tell myself, it's a road I've been down and at least we are not 'together' anymore. But it still hurts like hell and I just want her to understand that if we were to come together again, it would be much different.

 

How can I show her that it's different now?

[marqueemoon4]

Doesn't sound like any of you are mature enough to have adult relationships. And I assume you mean OW (other woman)....

[itllgetbetter]

Valky: I agree with marqueemoon4.

 

In addition, you say that she is having sex with multiple partners - 11 actually. Why would you want to be with a woman like that?

[stillafool]

I know this is a stupid question but; what zodiac sign are you?

[Tayla]

I would suggest you stay in therepy. When speaking with your counselor what is there take on your actions and changes? Mine never deterred any of my stupid mistakes yet they sure did shed much light on why it probably wasnt the best idea in the big scope of things. I think you still need time to gain regard for relationships in general before heading back to the person whom you have harmed terribly. And no its not Love in any way shape or form to profess one thing whilst "doing" others.

[valky]

I've paid off her student school loan debts (~14k), always been there for her... I'm a Pisces

 

I've cut off contact from Tyra and the other girls that were pursuing me. I'm delivering to Kimberly everything that she always used to ask of me. And on some days she wants to see me, on others she does not.

 

We still have amazingly affectionate moments together and she's cancelled on some of her dates recently to spend time with me. But she pulls away after she feels like she's getting close to me.

 

I feel like I learned how to love as soon as she left me. I know I was a fool before. I'd never make the same mistakes again.

[valky]

I've spent the last few days seeing her. She remains adamant that she wants to continue to date, but she told me she would begin seeing me on our own dates (rather than just to hangout and have sex) if I could continue this trend for 2-3 more weeks.

 

Meaning, she wants me to be devoted to her while she has the freedom to explore. I'm ok with the devotion part, but she still says it will take 1-2 years before we are in a relationship.

 

Does anyone have any experience with what the victim says in terms of a timeline, and how long it actually takes with persistent love and good action? Should I just hold on and hope that it is a matter of weeks or months instead?